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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not let dd (aged 8) go to a sleepover ...

109 replies

bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:16

...because i really can't decide whether i'm being unreasonable or not ...and of course, according to dd i am being totally unreasonable!!

DD is 8 (and yes, she is my PFB - she has two younger sisters) and her friend at school is having a sleepover. Apparantly dd and two other friends are invited (four 8yr old girls in all) and the other children's parents have said yes. I have said no.

My reasons for saying no is that i really don't know the parents well at all. I know mum to say hello and to have a friendly chat to, and dd has been to her house for tea etc. but i don't know her very well and don't know mums boyfriend at all.

DD is very cross and upset with me and part of me wants to let her go, but i'm really torn because i really feel that i don't know the parents well enough.

What do you think? Am i BU? Go on, tell me the truth, I can take it ...

Would you let your dd go?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:36

funnypeculiar - i don't think that dd thinks that i don't trust her. She is a sensible girl and she knows why i am unhappy to let her go. She just doesn't agree, lol

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 25/06/2008 22:38

I see where bnsaint is coming from - it's trusting someone you don't know with the most precious & wonderful creation in your life.

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:38

blueshoes - why wouldn't i be worried about that? She's only 8.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 25/06/2008 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:40

TMMJ - i don't want to let her go, i just wasn't sure whether i was being a bit precious or not. I totally agree that there's plenty time when she's older ...just gotta make her see that eh? lol

OP posts:
bogwobbit · 25/06/2008 22:41

Why not do what Jas has suggested. Let her stay for the evening (till 10 / 11) then pick her up.
Either explain to the parents that you don't feel confident leaving her yet (make out its your 'problem' iykwim) or else make some excuse. Maybe when you pick her up you'll get a chance to chat to the mum / mum's bf and suss out what they're like....for the next sleepover.

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:42

cupsoftea that is exactly it!

OP posts:
Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:43

bogwobbit - she would be sooo unhappy to come away at that time when her friends are staying ...it seems worse to me somehow??

OP posts:
Ambi · 25/06/2008 22:44

Is there a possibilty of hosting the next one?

MKG · 25/06/2008 22:45

YANBU-What is the point of sleepovers anyway.

You let them go to someone's to "sleep" which they don't. So they come back home to you in terrible moods because they didn't sleep and you have to deal with it.

It would be better if you let her go, and say picked her up at 10 or 11 at night. That way she gets to go to the party, but she doesn't sleep over. A friend of mine does this and she said the last time she picked her daughter up the parents were outside drinking in the back yard with people she hadn't met, and the kids were inside tearing the house apart.

I think letting her go, but picking her up is a good solution.

bogwobbit · 25/06/2008 22:46

Ah well, in that case go with your gut feeling and wait a bit.
Plenty time when she's older believe you me.

MKG · 25/06/2008 22:46

Sorry only read the OP.

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:47

Ambi Yes - thats very possibly the way to go with this!

OP posts:
Ambi · 25/06/2008 22:49

Though I don't envy having 4/5 girls enjoying a sugar rush til stupid o'clock. Good Luck

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:52

Ah but at least i'd get to keep dd under my thumb roof

OP posts:
daffodill6 · 25/06/2008 22:52

DD is 10 and has had a few s/overs with people I feel comfortable with.

Think Jas has a great solution which I have used - but be prepared to back it up to save face for DD,

Alternatively invite to yours on a one to one basis so you can monitor DVD ratings etc

Not keen on multiple sleepovers ie - 3 or more or mixed crowd, until at least 15 and then all 1 sex!

pointydog · 25/06/2008 22:53

I'd let her go.

colditz · 25/06/2008 22:54

YABU.

If anything untoward was going to happen, it could happen in the day too, and it is less likely to happen in a room full of other kids.

Original poster
bluenosesaint · 25/06/2008 22:57

colditz i know, i know ...thats the part of it where i feel that i'm being unreasonable

Perhaps i just don't want to hear it ...

OP posts:
blueshoes · 26/06/2008 06:49

bluenosesaint, I would consider a 5 year old for a sleepover in certain circumstances and she is precious to me to. Just trying to see your issue here beyond pure gut feeling. That's fine - it's up to you even if I still don't understand.

mamablue · 26/06/2008 07:21

I would let her go and pick her up at say 10pm, that way she could be in her pj's and by then they will be getting tired anyway. My DD went for her first sleepover in October she was 8 but I knew the mum really well otherwise I would not have let her stay over. I probably am abit over protective but there is no way I could let her stay with people I did not know well.

hatrick · 26/06/2008 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cory · 26/06/2008 14:20

I am in favour of sleepovers in general- my dd has been doing them since age 6. I think an occasional complete break of routine is a healthy thing for anyone.

But in this particular case, you feel it's a bit sudden, because you don't know the parents and that sounds fair enough.

The picking up at night compromise sounds good- make a reasonable excuse. When dd had her last birthday party we let her invite both sleeping-over guests and others that would not be sleeping over.

To reassure your dd, I would make special efforts to get to know the parents of her best friends so that she feels assured that this won't be a permanent problem. Invite people round, chat to them, have her friends over.

Hulababy · 26/06/2008 14:22

Seeing as you have met mum and have been happy for your DD to go to the house before, and that there will be 4 of them together, I would probably say yes.

bigTillyMint · 26/06/2008 15:06

If you are really worried about her, I think letting her go and picking up at 10 or 11 (they don't get much sleep on sleepovers!) is a compromise. FWIW our 2 have been doing them since they were 4 and 6, but with very good friends only.