Friend said she'd prefer to meet when I had more money

[Whatever555]

Had some money issues and on a tight budget, sometimes meet up with an old colleague, sometimes she'd say 'Let's go for food then onto the cinema/theatre/bowling' etc.. id have to cancel sometimes or just suggest going for a drink or something.
She's said 'Let's just leave meeting up until you can do something other than a coffee." I feel embarrassed and guilty- I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend? We could do a walk or go to a park etc. I feel a bit boring.

Doesn't sound like she's much of a good friend if I'm being honest..
I have a good friend who is an author, and is doing really well, I'm a parent carer, so coffee in a cafe is always how we've done it (clubs and pubs when we were young!) but we meet up to catch up, I've never questioned if it's boring as we would always enjoy hearing each other's news..
Please don't be embarrassed, your job/salary doesn't define you, and neither should your friend!

Have a look at a cinema pass? Ours is £17 per month and we can go as many times as we want.

yes, I thought that poster had a bit of an misogynistic overreaction. The friend's behaviour isn't great but we don't know the full story.

Is there any way you can plan in advance to do things a bit cheaper, OP? e.g. I noticed you mentioned 'odeon tickets are £12/14' but there are 2 for £10 deals on amazon, similar deals on wowcher, 2 for 1 with meerkat, the only by me does £5 mondays, etc.

Same with a meal out - if you go outside the weekend and/or use a voucher you can get a meal somewhere nice for the same price as a spoons.

Of course you shouldn't always have to 'do' stuff to meet up with friends, and if my friend was struggling so much I'd cover them if I really wanted to do something they couldn't afford, but it's understandable that if (like most of us) she only has a certain amount of free time and lots of stuff she wants to do, that if she has other people who would also like to do some of the stuff, she spends it with them sometimes.

e.g. if she really wants to see X film, and her only day free is Monday, and you
initially agree to meet up and see it, but then say you can't afford it, it's fair enough for her to think she'd rather spend the time doing the thing she wants to do, either with a different friend or alone, as that way 2 birds 1 stone - catch up with a friend AND do the thing.

Obviously if she had previously agreed to meet up with you for a walk and then cancelled in favour of a better offer that would be rude, but from your post it sounds as though you're the one changing the agreed outing rather than her.

Not much of a friend. If she knows your financial situation she should be more understanding

Yeah, she’s not a real friend.

I wouldn’t bother meeting that friend ever again tbh

Yes possibly. Maybe being more up front and suggesting rhings in budget or hosting might help?

If not and it really is that she doesn’t want to do cheap/free stuff, fuck her off!

I understand, but I'm not comfortable with
-travelling over an hour to a friend's home, particularly when they refuse to put the heating on
-having to host at mine at short notice, fine once in a while
-drinking in the park on a bench like a tramp
-going to a cafe where friends have smuggled in their own food

all things that have happened to me.

She’s an awful friend. And person! Honestly if you’d be comfortable with it, as your friend I’d say “I’m paying no problem! ❤️”, and other times we could go for a nice walk in the park maybe with a homemade picnic (especially with our current weather!!). Sooo many other options this “friend” could have replied with. Sorry it made you feel bad!

If you can go to Odeon on a Monday, if you join the free membership. You can buy tickets as low as £7.50.
Do either of you have O2 priority or Sky for the super cheap ticket. Only thing it’s not on a weekend.
Bowling etc is expensive around where I live! So that would be a once in 6 months activity!

Nothing's better to me than a friend coming over and having tea & cake at mine, and hours of chatting. Costs less than £5 for a whole afternoon of wonderful company.

Fuck that, i’ll sit in Spoons all day with you (budget dependent) or a friend I wanted to see! Is your friend a snob? If my friend only had enough to go and get a bag of chips and a can of coke, we’d do that and just chat on a bench! Shit friend OP, it shouldn’t be about how much she can do with you, surely it should be about just seeing you and catching up and being a friend??

You need new friends. See her casually but find someone who is on a similar level to you.
It happens when finances are so different.
My siblings are all well off, they’re going out for dinner tomorrow night, I’m not going, the last time a few months ago it cost €170 to cover our dinner 2 adults 2kids. I have local friends who are in a similar financial situation so we can moan about the price of electricity and rising food costs, have a pizza and watch a movie.
i hope things improve for you soon.

Your friends are obviously different to mine.

I have a friend that never has any money. Therefore when she comes over to stay, I'm the one paying out, otherwise we'd never do anything nice at all. (I have cut back on that a little bit now).
Has this been the situation with you both at some point and she's fed up with always paying, or has it always been like that?

Devilsmommy is totally right. A decent friend wants to see you not everything else that comes with it - although that stuff may be nice if affordable but not a problem to meet in someone’s home if not.

Christ, if you were my friend and I was pestering you to go out 24/7 I would just pay for you. Some friends they are. They cherish doing activities more than who those activities are with. Try and make better friends, these sound rubbish

Tell her you'd prefer to meet her when she's not a cunt.

I am sorry, that is disappointing.

I'd leave it for her to contact you, she was insensitive.

Do you have a vie cinema near you I could send you some tickets I have for it x

Either she is not a friend @Whatever555 or there is more to this story, for example if she feels messed about if you keep cancelling things.

If it's the former, and she only wants to spend time with you if it involves spending lots of money, then you are better off without her, so just say yes, sure, whenever.

If it's the latter then perhaps you need to be more honest upfront and say there is free exhibition at [x] gallery and let's meet up and go see it, or whatever there is going on in a nearby city. There is often some event or antiques market or National Trust property that you can walk around. It isn't just a choice between spending a fortune or sitting around drinking coffee.

That's awful, sorry OP, she's clearly not a friend.

How odd as well. The whole point of friendship (in my world) is the emotional connection you have, not how much you spend on that friendship ffs.
My DS is very well off but notoriously tight and will rarely meets friends if it involves spending money - she'll go for a walk or have them round for a meal (or vice versa) but refuses to pay restaurant prices....so your friend sounds like she is just making excuses.

What a prize t wat she is,,get rid x

I often meet a friend and go for a walk or a picnic so that it not an unnecessary expense for either of us. She’s not being very supportive.