Friend said she'd prefer to meet when I had more money

[Whatever555]

Had some money issues and on a tight budget, sometimes meet up with an old colleague, sometimes she'd say 'Let's go for food then onto the cinema/theatre/bowling' etc.. id have to cancel sometimes or just suggest going for a drink or something.
She's said 'Let's just leave meeting up until you can do something other than a coffee." I feel embarrassed and guilty- I know she's probably bored of it but surely you're just happy to see your friend? We could do a walk or go to a park etc. I feel a bit boring.

And maybe she's so used to having cash that it doesn't occur to her that when you're on a tight budget it doesn't take much to push you over the edge. Or maybe we're both making excuses for someone who doesn't sound very nice. Plenty of others have said that you could go for a walk or to each others houses, but it's still true.

“Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
― Oprah Winfrey

If you were agreeing to do things that cost money and then cancelling them at the last minute, that would piss me off as well. How many times have you cancelled on her after having an arrangement because you “don’t have the money to do it”? And did this comment come on the back of you doing something like this?

If she’s genuinely so shallow that she can’t just go for a cup of coffee with you and be a friend without an accompanying activity that’s one thing but if you keep making plans with her and then cancelling them because you’re skint, that’s on you.

I voted YABU because she is being honest.

She wants to do something fun with you, but when she mentions something fun you cancel as you can't afford it.

So just save up so that you can go and do something fun. Coffee is £5, instead of 4 coffee trips just have one bigger meet up.

It sounds as if she’s not great at conversation and relies on an activity to generate something! A coffee is a totally normal way for friends to catch up and chat.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I'd get pretty fed up of someone who kept agreeing to do something then cancelling on me last minute to do something else.

Whereas I think the friend could be a bit more diplomatic, it's not nice when someone constantly cancels plans or wants to do something different. If you can't afford the cinema or whatever, stop agreeing to go in the first place.

My friends and I go places we can get "free" tickets... my bank account gives 6 free Odeon tickets a year, my Sky vip gives 2 free Vue tickets a month, and loads of screenings where you can apply for ballot tickets. (Going tonight to see The Odyssey) My pension provider gives free days out for national trust and English heritage. Tesco points pay for friends railcard etc.etc.
Use all the loyalty bonuses you can find. Never pay full price for anything before looking...

A good friend will meet up for a cuppa and a natter, which can easily extend to a bottle of something at home with pizza.

I agree with this, I used to have a friend who used to only want to meet for a drink & maybe it makes me a bad friend but I found it really annoying BUT maybe that’s because we would always meet after work so I would be hungry & be out until 9pm and then have to get a take away or get home and cook. I guess if you are ALWAYS suggesting you do the same thing it can get a bit boring but maybe switching it up a bit might help.

She’s an ex colleague, not a friend. I wouldn’t bother any more. I have plenty of wealthy friends and quite often we just go for a walk in local parks etc. when you have things in common it doesn’t matter what you do. Maybe it’s time to cut her loose!

Agree with pps that it's most likely about the cancelling. Be a bit more proactive about arranging meet ups that you can afford. Contact her first and suggest a new cafe, nice route to walk, (free trial) work out class or (free) museum.

From her perspective, she's the one making the effort to arrange things you agree with, she clears the day/gets a babysitter/turns down other friends etc, to have you cancel.

Well she isn't a friend is she. A true friend would pick a cheap or free activity - a free museum, a nice park and cafe, a BOYB balti house for under a tenner, a trip to the beach or something.

She has basically just told you that you're not a friend, you're someone she does activities with so that she doesn't need to do them alone

Well she isn't a friend is she. A true friend would pick a cheap or free activity - a free museum, a nice park and cafe, a BOYB balti house for under a tenner, a trip to the beach or something.

Yes but this person is OPs friend, not her consierge or tour guide. OP can also suggest and plan things. Rather than let the friend do that while planning to cancel.

Going for a coffee or walk is what I tend to do with friends. Surely it's the conversation that makes it enjoyable rather than being entertained by something. I think she's being a bit mean only wanting to see you when you're flush

That's not a proper friend. I like to sit and chat and laugh with my friends, especially over a coffee in the garden. That's all thats needed. Does she still need to meet potential dates when she's out with 'friends'?

I wouldn't do that to a friend. If I wanted to go for food, I'd take my friend and cover the cost. Maybe your friend is unable to do that, but if she wants to spend time with you, coffee should suffice.

Equally, if OP is a true friend, she shouldn't keep agreeing to stuff she can't afford and then cancelling at the last minute.

You should only commit to what you can afford but otherwise I think your friend's behaviour is quite odd and she doesn't seem to be a friend. If a friend of mine didn't want to pay much for a meal out or something and suggested a coffee I'd be more than happy to do that.

If I were you I'd be minded to reply saying don't worry about it as I'll be spending time with my friends who are actually bothered about seeing me rather than finding someone to go to the cinema with.

Yes. This is what I tend to do with my friends and it's not really about the cost it's just what we do. We also take turns to host lunch and a film although we can go out to a film or theatre etc if there's something we want to see.

Or maybe she looks forward to the activities they plan and is fed up of OP cancelling on her or saying she can only manage a drink at the last minute?

I will do all sorts of things with my friends from coffee at each others' homes to weekends away or nights out, but if I kept planning a night out and they repeatedly cancelled or rearranged on me I'd get a bit fed up of it all.

Wow, what a bitch she is.

I have friends who can't afford much in the way of eating out etc but I'm always happy to meet for a walk/chat sometimes a coffee.

She is not a proper friend, I would ditch someone like that tbh.

Because the friend doesn't want that.

I always laugh when people say you don't need money to socialise.
Now in the summer, yes, you can go for a walk, but loads of people will want to go for a drink after the walk.
In the winter, a walk is not an attractive idea and lots of people, especially in big cities where friends live at opposite ends, don't socialise much at home.

Personally, I prefer to pay for a friend than do a 'free' or 'very cheap' activity like drinking in the park like a tramp as one of my unemployed friends wants to do.

Stuck up bitch is very harsh.

My friends all prefer to go out than go to each other's houses. It's just a preference, which everyone is allowed to have.

Personally, I'm happy to pay for a friend, but they're not always comfortable with that.

Firstly, you’re not boring. You’re limited by cash, not personality.

Secondly, she’s not an old friend. She’s just an old colleague you’ve stayed in touch with. If she was an actual friend, she wouldn’t give a shit if it was afternoon tea at the Ritz or a flask of coffee on a park bench. I think you fulfil a companion role for her. She doesn’t want a friendship from you. She wants someone who’ll go places with her. Which is fine, because she’s not your friend either. Do you really want to fully invite her into your life? It doesn’t sound like it.

I’d try and take this relationship for what it is; Two people who were thrown together by work and who don’t hate each other’s company.

With that comment shes not a friend. I wouldn’t worry about meeting up with her again ever

I've got a few loaded friends and we mostly do free stuff because we want to chat and catch up. I don't want to watch a movie for 2 hours with them, I want to sit face to face and hear what they have been up to.

We go for coffee, walks, invite each other to our houses for lunch and coffees.

Sounds like she wants someone to do things with, and she isn't genuinely interested in you as a person.