Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I've opted for a large bore straw and suck 'em up, rather like those lorries that used to come round and clean out the drains.

(N.B. You need to carry your own 'straw' as not many restaurants supply them - not even Claridge's.)

And never ask a woman if she wants children/ more children (close friends in certain contexts ok).

Same, I leave the bed with the dirty bedding on until just before the next visitor so I can wash it and put it on fresh for them.

It's a bit different if it's your best mate popping in for a cup of tea, but if you were making dinner, would she not bring a pudding or a bottle of wine? And if you were staying over at someone's house then surely you'd take them out for dinner or something considering it would be vastly less expensive than getting a hotel?

A simple one but if my doorbell rings, I open the door.

I don't want guests to strip the bed. I find it annoying. Leave it alone!

I had never even heard of double dipping until I was an adult but once I was made aware I was mortified at the idea that I had dipped with wanton abandon.
I think this likely stems from never eaten any type of dip/shared condiment as a child as this wasn’t a thing where I grew up but it has always haunted me.

I've been pondering this since a meet up yesterday.
Went to meet up with my dd and her friend plus friends mum.
She always seemed a perfectly pleasant woman, girl not as a good a friend as dd thinks she is and I think the scales are rather falling from dds eyes on that score after yesterday!
But what made me a bit 🤔 was that during the afternoon I made polite enquiries about her other dd ,asked dds friend about her college course, asked how work was going and at no point in the whole afternoon did she respond in kind e.g. ask how my older dd is, how dds course was going, how I am.
They are going on holiday next week. I asked where they were going, expressed my hope they had a good time.
We are going on holiday the week after. She just said "Oh."
That's weird, right?
Just no real conversation at all. Just them telling us about football (not interested but tried to take part in convo) and her dd's latest friend dramas.
I just thought it was simple good manners if someone asks after your family, you ask after theirs? If you ask how they are, they respond in kind?
It was so odd.
Then when we left, they suggested meeting up again!
I don't think that will be happening!

Maybe that’s a ‘you’ problem. It’s not normal to stay at someone’s house then start stripping the beds next morning like a paid employee. How weird that you think that’s normal and you get angry about it. 😏

1. In a social interaction, show interest in the other person or people.
2. An 11 year old recently told me that you open the card before the present.
3. yes, sober, smart clothes to a funeral.
4. while walking down a village road, it is the law to at least smile or acknowledge every other pedestrian,
5. Don’t assume that it’s granny/grandpa - it might be mum/dad.

If walking on a crowded pavement in a group (say, friends on a lunch break) you get into single file if someone comes from the opposite direction so you don't force them into the road - no one does this anymore!

This is my absolute pet peeve! It's not helped on my street by 90% of cars being parked half on the already narrow pavement making it even harder to pass others.
I've started standing still so the groups have no choice but to go around me. Although one woman did comment on me doing that recently as she had a small child I told her my own children (who were small once) had been taught to go single file when they were out of the pushchair, so 2.5 ish.

Only if you intend to then use that post to the detriment of the addressee.

If you are making yourself an impromptu snack or meal and there are others in the house, you offer to make it for everyone, then make it for everyone who’s said Yes Please. First few years living with my DP I would walk into a room and see him tucking into an elaborate sandwich or cheese on toast for one. I’d be fuming he hadn’t offered and he’d be indignant I was being unreasonable.
Offer everyone what you’re making!!! Includes tea and coffee.

I get what she means though. If the toilets smell, everyone will already know. So people announcing it just sound like prats.

A colleague at work told a small group of us that she was pregnant. Someone immediately asked 'Was it planned?'😮

People who cut the nose off the cheese

If it's a piece of a round cheese - like brie - you cut a sliver from the length and leave the nose (point) for everyone to have a little of, because the best taste is in the centre of the wheel.

?
Don't understand this.
If it's unknown at that address you write that on the envelope and drop it back in the post.
But in this scenario it was anyone living in that house ie at that address opening any letter that came.
Correctly addressed.
There is no excuse for such lack of basic respect.
Surely that is obvious unless perhaps a very young child ? Under 10.
Did that family also barge into the bathroom or other's bedrooms too without knocking ?

I just bite into it like a monster.

I know this one is controversial because there are people who feel very strongly that the time of the invite is always when you should arrive, but I have always understood that there are some events for which it is politer to arrive later than the invitation begins (and other kinds of events for which it is right to be exactly on time) and this seems in my actual life to be universally understood, so I was surprised to see threads arguing about it on MN.

I don’t think your approach works for everyone.

I grew up in a big family, if I had to offer food to everyone every time I made myself something, I would be in the kitchen for ages.

I witnessed funeral procession overtaken but by a driver who not only couldn't wait but leaned out the window to gesticulating and shout swear words at the mourners

That’s interesting. I would find it so rude and weird for a guest to strip the bed. I may not be having guests for a while and don’t feel like washing it immediately and you’ve forced my hand. Plus it would embarrass someone if the duvet had a few marks.

I would be horrified if a guest did this, as they’re a guest, not a housekeeper.

taking it in turns to have your kid round for a play date, I have yours then you have mine…should be easy
standing to the side, not directly blocking/in front of tube or train doors. Allowing people to get off before you shoulder barge your way on.
saying thank you when someone in a car lets you pass.
pulling into the left lane on the motorway not driving along at 54mph in the middle lane
in a busy area, making attempts to weave around people not just cut in front/barge your way through
handwashing after toilet

these are all basics and all ones I’ve seen missed within the past week alone

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes them taste quite funny
But it keeps them on the knife