Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

People talking about themselves and never asking about you and yours. I think this is getting more common. It’s basic social etiquette and lacking in so many conversations now.

Haha this one made me laugh - I taught a boy who was ALWAYS chewing and the school insisted that we make them empty their mouth - which I did but it was a constant battle. I was going to mention it at parents' evening, but when his Dad sat down I noticed he was chewing too - the boy was with him, also chewing. It was like conversing with two cement mixers and I just couldn't bring myself to say anything in the end.

I'm sorry but the zebra crossing one just reeks of (standard) motorist entitlement - I don't think a pedestrian is any more obligated to say thank you to a driver stopping for them at a zebra crossing than they are a driver stopping for them at a controlled crossing (with traffic lights). It's a weird power dynamic for the more vulnerable citizen to basically thank the more powerful one for not mowing them down.

I was shocked when DS1 had his 5th birthday party, inviting some friends from his class. Very few parents replied without being chased and some didn't reply at all. This set the scene for all parties that followed.

She would usually ask if I needed anything but I usually don’t. I am providing the food not her and we don’t drink. It all comes out in the wash imo as she’s generous with favours and if we go out.

If I stay at peoples houses I usually am there to see them so wouldn’t need a hotel if not for them. And I’ve shelled out for the train fare. I usually take a sourdough I’ve made tbf but I don’t expect people to bring me things or take me to dinner when they stay at mine because they’ve paid so much to come and see me. Trains are like £50 now. And I want their company not a gift.

Maybe you’re staying at people’s for other reasons idk but it would be a lot easier and cheaper for me not to visit them in the first place. But I go because I like them and want to see them. If I had to pay for dinner every time then I would have to see them less. Which they don’t seem to want.

I really don’t expect a guest to do this. If a friend asked and I was planning to do the laundry I’d say yes please…but the most I’d like is the bed made so i could strip it at my leisure. I usually ask if a host wants the bed stripped or not.

The absolute poshest friend I ever had, proper posh, would leave the linen on for several guests..,and would get around to stripping it sometime around Christmas…

Or in the case of a friend of ours, his gut. He had been in the habit of asking pub staff for a tea towel to catch his messy-eating debris, which TBH I found very embarrassing, so I started taking a white linen napkin from home for him to use instead.
His table manners, TBH, were pretty gross all round. If DDs were ever present, there was usually an argument as to who was NOT going to sit opposite him!

As a kid, I had a book with this poem in. Also...

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he

Always told you should not wash meat and poultry. It will not do anything to kill bacteria and it will just spread it around in water droplets.

I found a melted chocolate dollop on the front of my bra the other day. I felt like a character out of Roald Dahl. Also, what a waste of chocolate

To add to the standing back from the doors on the tube etc so people can get off before you get on... when you see a line of people at the bus stop who aren't immediately getting on the bus that's just pulled up, it's not an invitation to walk past them and get on the bus whilst people are getting of. That's why the people in the queue have stood back.

Or indeed if the bus hasn't arrived yet but they are stood a little way back from where the door will be. Don't go and stand in the gap at the front of the queue. It's there for a reason.

This reminds me of an ex-friend who refused to say thank you - like specifically raised it in conversation that she wouldn’t be saying thank you for her meal - because she shouldn’t have to thank me or anyone for providing her with a vegetarian meal.

It’s a fork, not a shovel! - was my late father’s line on the matter

I usually acknowledge drivers who stop at pedestrian crossings, but I live somewhere small and chances are I know them….

I would find it really odd if a guest stripped a bed. Tbh I’d think it a bit rude .It must be unusual, as in twenty years of hosting guests I’ve never encountered a single person that did this. Does everyone wash duvets as well as duvet covers before they have guests then ?

😂two cement mixers!

I’ll go one better as I saw a woman in a swimsuit coming home from the shops today. She was pushing a buggy and strolling along with her shopping. I know there is a heatwave but ffs.

Why are you washing it though? What are you washing off?

Is there? Link please!

The bed stripping one - the etiquette is to ask if you're in a household without staff and it depends on the host what their preference is.
And obviously one wouldn't strip the bed in a house with staff.

Having cleaned hotels and b&bs, guest stripped sheets would be treated with caution, it was always assumed there was a reason.

I prefer guests not to strip beds at home, so the bed stays made until I've time to do the washing.

Absolutely 100% with you on this one, it's so rude!

Oh men and boys walking around in public shirtless.

This is definitely NOT a social nicety. I don't care how hot it is.

Also if there is standing room only, move right down the bus so more people can get on, rather than huddling by the door so people have to clamber over you, or the driver thinks the bus is full and drives off - looking at students particularly!

I live near the New Forest. I don't think its actually rude to ask about how many ponies a commoner has but traditionally they will never say.

I was taught in the navy the correct time is 5 mins early unless you’re invited to dinner when you should be 10 mins late to allow your hostess a few minutes to breathe!