Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

Stopping your car at a crossing is not a "nice thing to do" although you can do it nicely. It's legally required, along with obeying the speed limit, stopping for pedestrians at side roads and indicating! In my part of SE London these requirements are widely flouted so no I'm not thanking them for reaching such a low bar.

I've never heard this either. It's not a rule.

A social convention in that context would be e.g. flashing lights to thank someone for waiting or blipping the hazards to thank a person for letting you in.

Missingpate

I went to two funerals in a row and nobody was wearing black except immediate family. The second one I’d worn something less formal just in case but still everyone looked, I guess thinking I was immediate family. Everyone I said it to said god no that’s gone since the 00s!!

I can't bear it when cars that have slowed and stopped in traffic stop on a pedestrian crossing. It enrages me. There's literally no need. You would fail if you did it on a test. Yet I see it all the time.
I used to have to walk across a zebra crossing every day to walk my daughter into school and almost every day there would be some WANKER casually sat in their car across the crossing stopping us all from using it. I glare at them as I pass if I manage to squeeze in front of them, but they rarely make eye contact.
Especially annoying when it's pissing it down or you're in a rush.

One of these days I will walk across their bonnets.

I'm not sure if this is a convention - more basic common sense - but if you are walking along a road with no pavement, walk on the side facing the oncoming traffic. Unless that means you are on the inside of a bend, in which case temporarily switch sides because oncoming drivers can't see you until they are almost on top of you.

We get a lot of DoE kids round our way (quiet lanes) and most of them just panic and scatter when they see a vehicle.

I've just counted all the funerals I've been to in my life. Eleven since about 2010.
I have worn all black at every one of them, the exception being a child's funeral where I wore pink tights with a black dress and black knee high boots and a pink ribbon in my hair, and only because the family requested a pink item.
I've never felt out of place. Most people were wearing black, mostly black or dark colours like navy or grey.

Its only illegal if its done with a view to monetary gain or fraud.

And that's your opinion, as is the alternate opinion that the British way is needlessly stuffy and classist. Again, I grew up eating this way, I know you use your knife to push things on, but in the inbetween when you're carrying the food to your mouth the knife is hanging midair. Especially as I was taught not to bolt food down, but to finish each mouthful before organizing the next on my plate/ cutlery. Knife is also hanging when people take rests or chat. DH grew up being taught that was intolerably rude, the knife is never to be left hanging, but rather placed on the plate.

We're both ambivalent about it as adults. We just do whatever we need to according to context. It's hard to get het up about something so subjective and that ultimately really doesn't matter. As with so many cross-cultural things, "it's not wrong it's just different" are words to live by.

Having just been away with a group of women the lack of showering shocked me. One individual arrived from a festival, slept in the bed and it wasn’t until the day after the next day she actually showered!! I thought being clean and hygienic was basic

Thank you!

This has just reminded me of the last time we ordered Chinese takeaway at a family gathering. Even though it's not really the same thing. At least I don't think so.

DS is pescetarian, and fairly fussy with food, lots of issues with texture/ things being mixed up etc due to ASD. We ordered a good mix of things, most with meat in, a couple just veg, and prawn balls for DS. They are the only Chinese main he eats. He made it clear that that was the only dish he would eat. When the food arrived he put most of the prawn balls on his plate and another relative started making PA comments about everyone grabbing what they wanted before DS took it all. He then told DS that it rude to take more than his fair share (which would have been less than 1 ball each if we all wanted some) as it was a shared meal.
I made it very clear that he took his "fair share" of the overall amount of food on the table, and that he only eats this one particular thing and therefore couldn't have a little bit of everything like everyone else.

Maybe I was wrong in this situation, but I don't think so.

Tight arse. As soon as you give over the drink it becomes your hosts.

I have a friend whom I love dearly for stuff like this. When you ask him how he is, he actually tells you.

Better yet, grab your phone and take a picture and a video They'll shit on their pants. If you send both with the rego number to the motor transport showing the car is on a zebra crossing, the fine is 100% sure. At least in Australia is.

One thing I respect Australia's motorists for is always respecting crossings. Probably because the fine is seriously expensive and the police has discretionary powers to send you to Court if your car is sitting on it with a pedestrian already walking.

Went to stay with someone and she literally stripped the bed the day I was leaving just after I'd got up and before I'd even had anything to eat. Mind you, she was rude in so many other ways too. Never went back. God.

In our family "Can I get down from the table " was ALWAYS (ALWAYS!) answered "no dear, but you CAN get down from a duck"

followed by "you may get down from the table"

Don't know why can and may are not the same, but apparently, they are not.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be disrespectful to your FIL but you remove your hat in a church, and definitely in a cathedral, even if you are hiding a cancer op scar. It's a sign of reverence, humility, and respect. God already knows about your cancer scar (not everyone believes that but you are in a church).
If there is an actual medical reason, that's fine, just explain to the person.
There was no excuse for them to be snappy or rude though.

Eating with mouth closed is absolutely basic, and not talking with mouth full.
Growing up I was taught it is definitely not on to discuss politics, religion or money round the dinner table when guests are present or out for a meal with others, as can lead to arguments..
My worst nightmare (and it's surprisingly common) is someone talking about vomiting or diarrhorea while others are eating. Also letting dogs crap in full view of people eating out in pub or restaurant - absolutely no consideration.

One is ability, one is permission.

Your parents answer didn't actually make sense (if you can, go tell them lol)

My parents would have said something like "yes you can but no you may not".

What absolute rubbish. Black is absolutely the standard for funerals unless it’s one of those gimmicky ones where everyone cries in pink or something…

DH's best friend turned up at my sister and BIL's at Christmas and proudly announced at the front door he was empty handed as "he didn't have time to get anything". He'd been invited since Oct so fair enough he only had 2 months.

My husband spoke to him the following day and he did take chocolates and a bottle of wine round, but almost certainly wouldn't have done.

thankyou so much for reminding me about this song! I love it (and have to pay the cheese tax daily )

stirfry?
pasta salad?
cous cous?
spaghetti?
pretty much any pasta dish?

Yes I walk straight forwards when I’m using an umbrella. It’s amazing how people move out of the way then, rather than expecting me to move.