Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

It was leave the table for us. I'm 39

Honestly, I'd be offended if guests stripped the bed. I'd feel the implication was I'm a dirty mare who wouldn't wash the sheets if they didn't strip them.

Of course I expect to strip a bed I own in my house for washing at a time when it is convenient to me. I don't want sheets dumped on the floor, I have a wash basket. I don't want sheets dumped in the washing machine that I have to take out to do the load I need to do on that day.
I don't have a steady stream of guests. I am not running an Airbnb. I don't need to wash the sheets the instant the guests are out of the door.
Just leave it tidily made, that's all I expect.

I can't find the post to quote about waving people off at the door but I actually really dislike this.
I like to sit in the car and load up a podcast/music to listen to, turn on air con or adjust anything with the car, take my time driving away basically and if people are stood waving in the doorway it means you have to hurry up and drive off as quickly as possible so that they can go back inside. It's only older relatives that do it though really so maybe a generational divide.

I read that as 'not in Asda' 😂Was wondering who gets their toes out to point with in Asda!

I'd find someone else stripping the bed annoying because it then becomes washing to do, whereas if it's on the bed, it can just stay there until a clean bed is next needed. And we're another house where the presence of cats means you tend to clean surfaces before you use them not afterwards.

I wouldn't do it in holiday accommodation either unless instructed to, which I never have been, because I don't think it's always helpful to the person doing the changeover - it takes seconds to do and it's probably easier for them to check the bedding for any stains or damage when it's still on the bed rather than when it's in a heap somewhere.

Honestly, I'd be offended if guests stripped the bed. I'd feel the implication was I'm a dirty mare who wouldn't wash the sheets if they didn't strip them.
Yes, I think this is why I don't like the idea of it.
And as a guest it would make me feel like I was staying in a cheap hotel or on one of those slightly home-made sorts of yoga retreats where they ask you to strip the beds because it saves them time (for which I always read 'cleaner hours and therefore money').

Yeah if I was hosting the BBQ I would def have said something before he started chomping down on all that. I know teen boys can eat but there’s no excuse to be so bloody greedy at a shared event!

I'm actually pretty sure I've pointed to things on the lower shelves in supermarkets with my feet/toes...

I stand until people are safely in their car and then I go back in. For this reason. I do wave them off if they are walking though

I know! I think I waffled something like how the challenges in my childhood meant I now try to behave like x and y – basically tried to pivot it away from a therapy session and turn it into a more general chat about how I want life in my household to be now.

Speak on the phone with the speaker on. No-one needs to hear both parties bellowing at each other. People who watch / listen to music on their phones on the train without headphones.

TBF I would be impressed if you managed to get your leg up far enough to do it for the top shelf...

Two minutes on google will tell you why this is a bad idea - bacteria from raw chicken splashed around your kitchen.
Meat/chicken in the UK doesn’t need washed.

I used to do forest schools with kids. The sweetest thing ever was the little girl who asked 'please may I get down' ...from the tree stump she was sat on.
The 'getting down' thing was from the chair, which brought you up to table height when a child - hence 'can I get down from the table'. You'd no longer be at table height.
But yes, it is confusing

It’s not an obligation or a power battle. It’s just a nice thing to do that makes life a tiny little bit more pleasant for everyone.

The guest bed stripping debate is weird! No guest actually wants to bother stripping the bed and half the time it sounds like the host doesn’t want them too either! Going forward the new etiquette should always be, ask the host what they prefer.

I remember a TV programme where the effects of washing poultry were shown.

I think it was UV light that showed the bacteria spread far and wide - well beyond the sink.

Ooh, now that sounds like a challenge...

Bless her! Thank you for the clarity - it makes much more sense now :)

Glad she’s an ex friend, what a rude entitled cow!

It would be if motorists in turn thanked pedestrians for waiting for the green man. But they don't, so they don't make life a tiny little bit more pleasant for pedestrians, so it's unequal.
Motorists often IME behave pretty impatiently – screech to a halt at a crossing and then zoom off again when I get anywhere near the opposite pavement.
Someone once said to me in tones of annoyance that they hated it when they were driving and pedestrians 'wouldn't hurry' across crossings. I didn't say this at the time (I would now), but I thought, 'why the fuck should they hurry when it's their turn?'

The peas one is logical - if tines are facing down, and you don’t scoop traditionally, they can only be smooshed against the back of the fork.
i believe it’s evolved to swapping fork to right hand from left and putting your knife down if you must scoop?

I recall my mum having an absolute fury at me for eating chips in the street with a friend! Not a social convention I was aware of back then, although we never did when with her.

I think this attitude is quite sad. I think people are generally nicer than this and mostly stop.

It's a nicety - to acknolwedge what they've done, whether they have had to do it or not.

As someone up thread mentioned, you would thank someone in a shop who served you, or the ambulance crew who came to help you. They are doing what they 'need' to do, but it's makes the world a nicer place to say thank you.

My in laws have weird manners - they take food to your house and they take the food back with them if it wasn't all eaten, this includes cake!
Large plate of smoked salmon and charcuterie - nephew (14) ate the lot!
Their kids will open a large box of sweets in company and not offer them around. Sil will bring a large bar of chocolate to a day out and only give her own kids a chunk.
They come for lunch in our house and bring a gift for dh - I was the one who did all the fecking cooking!
They stay at our house and make sandwiches for a day out from the contents of our fridge - for themselves only.

I don't host them very often any more, I just find their manners unbearable.

Eating (or smoking!) in the street was definitely ‘common’ according to my late DM.