Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

Oh dear, I think I've pointed at things with my toes before. Not in Asia, admittedly.
I do know that in some Asian cultures it's taboo to show people the soles of your feet, though.

My husbands family do this, and there are 9 siblings. We go out to eat and everyone tries a bit of everyone's dinner. So you end up having a load of bites of different food and less than half of what you ordered. I just cant cope with it

Cycling on the pavement - not a shared space, an actual pedestrian space, gets me down.

I have nowhere else to walk, cyclists have the road. If they are not confident on the road, at least use the highway code and dismount to pass pedestrians. Not scream "out of the way you deaf bitch", expecting this hard of hearing oldie bitch to hear you.

So much on this thread has boggled my poor brain. The sheer cheek and lack of grace of that woman! I hope she's on here and her cheeks are now burning.

@PyschodelicSoup the helping yourself to food thing is an odd one. I absolutely agree that if helping yourself to seconds you should at least ask a cursory 'Anyone else want some?' But I do recall my FiL always feeling entitled, as the 'man of the house' to do just this, and help himself without asking.

I don't 'load it up'. It's hardly much of a contrivance to change your grip slightly.
I think things about people who mess about trying to balance peas on the fork upside down because they can't work out how to keep their elbows in using their fork correctly for different types of food.

I love the stripping the bed debate - clearly it's not a social convention because there's no consensus on whether it's okay or not! I now feel like I'm weird for not caring either way.🤔 My mum and MIL always ask me if I want them to strip the bed and I usually say yes if they've got a couple of minutes before they leave but not to worry about it otherwise - it's my house, I don't expect my guests to do chores for me!

Another one for me is not topping up your own wine glass at dinner without offering a top-up to other people as well. I went on a ski holiday a few years ago where we shared a chalet with a whole bunch of couples/small groups that we didn't know. At dinner one evening I ended up sat next to a chap who drank plenty so gave himself a lot of refills without ever offering me or anyone else any. I'm fine with not going round the entire table when it's lots of people, but surely it's polite to offer a top-up to the people sat immediately next to/opposite you? Then pass the bottle further down the table for anyone else who wants some.

And the butter thing was made more complicated by the fact you should never reach for the butter, but ask for it to be passed, and in particularly strict etiquette, never ask directly for it but offer it to someone and hope like anything they understand that you are wanting them to say "No, thank you, but can I offer it to you?"

Speaking in an indoor voice. More and more I hear incredibly loud people nowadays, I look at them and wonder what’s wrong with them. Just stfu, honestly.

This and the napkin thing is how I was taught, and it's absolutely correct

But.

I make my DSes tuck a napkin in their necks when eating something messy and lean over the plate. Too many ruined t-shirts from bolognese/noodles with chilli sauce 😥

It's all the little stuff for me. Taking turns, zip filtering, not going up the slide, and bloody hell yes, not using headphones. Saying excuse me, smiling, letting someone go first, keeping your voice down, not pointing - just general courtesy so we can all rub together without spending our entire day mildly annoyed

Contrary to this are the fast food places that give you a great handful of napkins.

Just why? What am I supposed to do with all these?

Actually I keep them in a pile and use them for dealing with the special presents that my cats bring me, but I don't think they had that in mind. So wasteful.

I'm sure if the big chains added up how much they spent on napkins each year, they could save millions by just giving people one or two instead of about 8.

This is a hill I will die on, actually. I NEVER wave thank you when someone stops for me on a zebra crossing. I will do so the day that a driver thanks me for waiting at a red man (which would be the equivalent of thanking the server in a shop or restaurant and them thanking you).
I think people waving thanks perpetuates the idea that many drivers seem to have that stopping at a zebra crossing is a nuisance and/or optional, and that they're doing pedestrians a favour.
If I'm at a crossing and a driver is showing no signs of slowing or stopping, I make sure I've got one foot on the road and give them a very hard Paddington stare. If they still don't seem to get it, I step out further into the road and the stare turns into a glare.
I can't bear entitled drivers who seem to think waiting ten seconds for a pedestrian to cross will somehow ruin their whole schedule.

I have had people bring the stripped sheets downstairs to give them to me! I really cannot believe this could ever cross over to be acceptable convention

Can you imagine Carson's face as guests descended the staircase and shoved a bundle of laundry at Lady Grantham! Or, worse still, when they were all lined up outside to say farewell...

If walking on a crowded pavement in a group (say, friends on a lunch break) you get into single file if someone comes from the opposite direction so you don't force them into the road - no one does this anymore!
Bane of my life in my neighbourhood, which has lots of parents and lots of narrow pavements.
The usual scenario is two people each with a double or massive 'off-road' buggy, walking abreast and engrossed in conversation. I'm coming the other way, clearly on my own, and they show no sign of getting into single file. I think the idea of having to stop their conversation for a few seconds while they let me pass is somehow an affront to them. I also think they find themselves to be more important than me because they've got buggies/kids, and that it's fine for me to step into the road and possibly into the path of cars/buses/psycho bike riders.
I refuse to move or step into the road. I just stand still and let them sort themselves out.

OK, I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I recently learned from Mumsnet that if you make someone else’s toilet bowl dirty, most people would expect you to clean it yourself there and then.

In my family no one did this, we just assumed the next flush or two would get rid of any skid marks, but if not, it could wait for the next clean. I wouldn’t have left any drips on the seat though - I would always wipe them off.

I read a tip from someone on here... if people are looking like they wont go single file to let you pass safely, then just stop and stand still. They will move round you.
Something else that tends to work is don't make eye contact. I think if you do, people take it as tacit capitulation from you.

Not the same as a medical appointment, but I was having my hair done a while ago and there was general chat in the salon about childhoods and families, and my stylist said, casually, 'What was your childhood like, ExtraHot?'
I mean, mine was basically like a Harold Pinter play, but in any case it's a pretty risky question to ask in that context, no?

I think the napkin thing is different with children

Punctuality! If you make an appointment turn up on time. The most stressful aspect of running my business is people constantly arriving late and not just by a few minutes. They then wander in without any sense of urgency and oblivious of how it’s negatively impacting others.

yrs I’d not just step out but if there’s a car 20 metres away they have ample time to react and they shouldn’t be driving in the gutter anyway. Articulated lorry or combine harvester id not do it.

'Washing' meat with lime or lemon juice and water before cooking also starts the tenderising process.
Try it!

I’m 54 with parents in their eighties and yes it was get down from the table.

Mine was rocky and full of abuse and neglect and being flung from one end of the country to the other and then back again because neither parent wanted me.

So I'd really hate that question.

It's much better to focus on specifics. Do you remember this TV show? Do you remember when people used to...

Turning up too early is worse than being late imo, especially when it's a visitor to your home. Hate that.

MIL always asks if I want the guest bed stripped. I always say no (because the cat sleeps on it when we have no guests, so we change it right before the next guest arrives). Then she strips it anyway 🙄. I'm sure I was taught growing up not to ask a question you didn't actually want an answer to!

Yes, same. My parents (mum in particular) weren't/aren't big on hygiene and I just honestly had no idea that it was considered polite to do this.