Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

You don’t put the whole spoon in your mouth, but put it to your lips sideways on and sip the soup.
Ah, I see.
I actually don't eat soup in public because I know I'd make a mess of it!

There is no "proper" with the tines upward.

You may have contrived a way to keep your elbows in but the shovelling action still looks wrong (in terms of etiquette). You are supposed to only put the small amount of food that fits tines downward into your mouth. Loading up the shovel is seen as uncouth.

I mean obviously no-one can stop you, but they will think things...

Don't lean into the fork/lean towards your plate. Sit straight and bring the fork to you.

It doesn’t mean you want seconds, it’s a signal to the wait staff not to remove your plate as you haven’t finished.
Yes, that's what I thought.

That's terrible! The bottle was a present to you as a host, and it's up to you whether you decide to open it for your guests.

Some people.

I use a fork like a spoon to eat peas too. I've no patience with "etiquette" which is there to make our lives harder!

Mine are mainly hygiene related, although I have been to a few dinner/social events with people where I ask questions about them to be interested and there is no reciprocation. Its very odd to be so obviously disinterested about someone who you have invited to your home.

But the hygiene ones: my PIL lick their fingers all the time. Its disgusting. They eat crisps from a communal bowl, lick their fingers and then put them back in the bowl. They spill something on the table, put their finger in it and lick it off then use that hand to pass food around the table! We had a BBQ the other day and their hands got messy eating burgers. Rather than use the napkins or wipes I had conspicuously put next to them, they licked their fingers/hands and then touched the ketchup bottle etc.

Not really social convention, but another hygiene thing is people who have disgusting sinks. Bits of dried on food all around the sink, tap handle visibly dirty, an old dishrag thats been there for years and never washed or changed. Yuck!

Also when people have grubby finger marks all over their home. My friend has a white banister and pale walls - the banister is grey and sticky from finger marks and there is a strip of dirty greasy finger marks on the wall going up the stairs. Do they never wash their hands and walk about with greasy messy fingers all day?

Also sneezing and coughing without covering it up or doing it into your elbow. On the other hand my FIL has a disgusting grey handkerchief that he uses constantly and I bet gets washed once a month.

I am also horrified by people "washing' meat. What do they think is on there that comes off with water and wouldn't be destroyed by cooking?

Also I really hate it when people let their dogs jump up at you. Especially if they are muddy and I end up with muddy pawprints on my clothes. And they always seem to just laugh about it and say he/she is just being friendly.

I neither strip nor make the bed when I've been a guest. Everyone I stay with, I've asked in the past if I should strip and they've said no, they'll do it.
I bring towels down if I know where the wash basket is, and bring my rubbish down and put it in the main bin.

Ah…. Thanks.

I went to a popular but remote beauty spot last week which involved quite a bit of effort to get to on foot. And I got the pleasure of taking in the natural wonder accompanied by the soundtrack of Return of the Mac - courtesy of a fellow walker's portable speaker.

He seemed very pleased with himself for bringing the party to us.

Gosh yes, I totally get this. I have a huge appetite and have no clue how to navigate this with the tiny portions of tapas either. Asking others or no asking others.

Then you need to adjust your posture

I hate the 'head of the table' shite. Sit where you want!

I get what you are saying and I it might depend on how much food is there but if you ask and several people at the table say yes I'd like some more, it gives you the opportunity to accomodate how much you take in line with other people's wants.

I do pea-stabbing too. I treat it as a game.

“My late df was big on etiquette - the eating soup away from you was one of his many many rules. “
That one does make sense and not only on board ships. Those old fashioned shallow soup plates are minefields for the unwary!
i went to boarding school in the 60s and the rigmarole around table manners was excruciating. For example you must never cut a bread roll, you should tear it into small pieces and butter each separately before putting it into your mouth. Then butter the next peice etc. This was extended to sliced bread and toast too except these could be cut into small bite sized pieces then buttered separately etc.
Saying ‘Grace’ before and after every meal. No elbows on the table, ever, no leaning across, arms tucked into your sides, knife and fork put down on the plate between every mouthful, waiting before everyone (in tables of 12+) was seated before talking. Waiting until everyone was served before starting to eat. Pass food to the left only.
Cutlery placed neatly, knife and fork together with handles towards you and fork tines facing down when you’ve finished eating
And that was just a few examples!

I don't understand this at all. If you are in a public toilet and it smells bad I think it's quite obvious that you would make a comment about the smell if you were with someone. Some public toilets are disgusting.

That’s all just basic table manners, though?

People who serve you food and they don't give you a napkin. I can't eat without one...even if it's just a square of kitchen roll.

The Highway Code suggests that cyclists should ride two abreast except on narrow country lanes as then they are the width of a car and are easier to overtake than a line of them. And you are not meant to do a close pass, you are meant to go onto the opposite carriageway to overtake (and yes, that does mean waiting for a gap in the oncoming traffic but most drivers don't seem to feel the need and like dicing with head-on collisions).

But yes, when you are walking and see someone coming towards you, walk single file and let them past. And don't take a double buggy and dog down a narrow path when a wide path is available.

The other one, although I don't think it's a social convention as such, but it should be is why do dog walkers put the dog between me and them when I am walking towards them? Surely they should go between me and the dog?

No, that's weird. Surely the definition of snacks is that they can happen at any point in the day and without structure ie they're individualised? You don't need to assume that everyone will suddenly want cheese on toast at 4pm just because you do.
If I'm putting the kettle on I always offer to make one for whoever else is in earshot, though. But that's a lot less effort than making an extra sandwich.

And often the disgusting smell is a mix of perfume and weed, not the obvious!

People can't walk properly anymore. They come barging out of shops on to the pavement and expect everyone to duck and dive round them. I worry about the way people walk and hope they don't drive cos they certainly never seem to know who has the "right of way". I feel sorry for old people having to navigate pavements.

Just to provide the counterpoint to this. Cyclists can ride 2 abreast and its often safer to do so as if you're in a group it makes the overtaking distance shorter for cars. I also cycle with my 6 year old and I stay between her and the traffic. It discourages drivers from squeezing through when there's not really space. Cyclists also don't have to use cycle lanes: there are shared pedestrian/cycle lanes in my city which I use when I'm with my kid but not when I'm travelling at 20mph on my road bike, it would be unsafe for pedestrians. Add to that the cycle paths are never cleared so you have to contend with wet leaves, broken glass etc ... and all of this is permitted in the highway code, so its not a question of etiquette (pulling over to let cars pass when it's safe to do so is, and I do this even though I don't have to!).

I am not sure if people always parked on pavements as much as they do now but I am concerned about the eyesight of so many drivers if they confuse the pavement with the road/their drive/a car park.