Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

That's absolutely crazy. I can't believe someone would do that. What indeed was the point in meeting for lunch?

When I was grieving this drove me mad. I felt so alone. A simple 'thinking of you' would have meant the world.

I agree with starting eating before everyone is served/getting down from the table before everyone has finished should be outlawed.

This has reminded me of why I never go out for tapas! I confess I'm naturally very greedy and love my food and I put a lot of energy when out with friends into restraining my worst instincts.

I just don't get tapas. I absolutely love the dishes - yum. But tapas etiquette? What is it, exactly? When I've been out with people who've ordered tapas, you get the little plates with a few pieces on them...which don't necessarily correspond to the number of people at the table...so, how does it work? Obviously you take a piece, but I've seen expensive tapas leftovers sent back at the end of a meal because everyone was too polite to take the last bit, which as a waste-phobic piggy wig, was very difficult for me to bear.

We have it at home where our greed is less restrained. Is it just meant to be something to pick at delicately with a drink, and you're not supposed to want to demolish all of the plates? If so, I think I'll restrict it to home consumption!!😁

The dog poo bins drive me mad. There is one on my morning dog walk that somewhat regularly gets over-full, and it boggles my mind at how much rubbish - mostly poo bags - is then thrown on to or around it. There are plenty of other bins around people - take it to the next one or take it home. How bloody rude and entitled to think that someone else should scrabble around picking up all your full poo bags off the floor.

Re. the general social niceties of saying thank you/good morning if someone gives way to you on a narrow path … part of my morning walk sees a lot of secondary school children on their way to school, walking or cycling - a couple of years back this was horrendously lacking, but I seem to be noticing an improvement this year. Perhaps things are on the up again!🤞

(Yes, I know it’s not essential, but being pleasant to folk does just make the world a better place.)

So interesting!

Sorry - can't find the post where someone was wondering about breaking off pieces of bread at a formal meal rather than biting the whole roll.

It just looks more decorous and dignified, I think, to pop a single mouthful in at once rather than biting a big bun. I was watching a TV drama where a woman buttered half a roll and then proceeded to bite chunks off it. She was meant to be elegant, and this honestly didn't look elegant!

It's not a hanging offence obvs, but I think it does look clumsy and goofy to bite into big objects like that. I've never understood how anyone can eat a burger in public!!

There's a classic Spanish film...can't remember the name...might be directed by Bunuel...where the social conventions about eating and going to the loo are reversed and people excuse themselves shyly and go into a little cubicle to eat. It makes you think about what's acceptable in public and what isn't!

And airports. If your long haul you have time to change into PJs on the plane... and back into regular clothes!

It is so your elbows don't protrude into the space of the diner beside you.

Tines down when eating allows elbows to stay close to your sides.

Yes - that makes sense! Actually, I've had to put my elbows on a table sometimes when we've had one of those wobbly ones and someone needs to stabilise it!

Well we do hide away for the coming out bit ... so why not the going in!

But equally eating together is such a social thing in so many cultures.

I do agree about a wide-opened mouth though.

Well, I just Googled, and apparently the thicker tine has a special beveled edge and its purpose is to cut soft food like cake, salad, and fish! A WHOLE NEW CAN OF WORMS! 🤣

You beat me to it, PencilsInSpace - I remember that so well from childhood

Hosted a party last weekend.

At the end of the evening the wife of a friend (both very well educated, good jobs, in their late 30s) held up a bottle of champagne which they had brought but hadn’t got around to drinking and said to me “will I take this home or do you want it as Party Tax?”

I’ve never heard the phrase Party Tax before but could work out what it meant. I had thought the champers was for us for hosting, either to drink on the evening or for us to keep and drink later, so was a bit taken aback by this.

i would have loved the champagne, but of course I said “oh no, you take it”, because what an awkward position to put me in! As if I was going to say “yes, I’ll keep that, thanks”

She just nodded and put it in her bag and off they went.

Why are there special cake forks and fish forks, if the humble fork is omni purpose?
Are you thinking of a spork? 😁

I'm second guessing all my bed-stripping now... I thought I was being polite and helpful. It would feel incredibly rude to leave MIL's house and just leave the bedding on there for her to sort.

It seems to be that people overwhelmingly prefer the bedding to be left on from the number of comments? I assumed that if I asked and people said 'don't worry' they were being polite in turn but actually would like me to do it...

Agreeing with people not moving out of the way on the pavement. People being loud in general - I was brought up to think it was very rude and obnoxious to make lots of noise in public/in gardens to impose on others. Audio space is a version of personal space. But most people don't seem to care.

Jesus, how bloody rude. Cutesy phrases like party tax don’t make that any better.

Not taking photos of other people's children without consent, and not posting images of people's children online without explicit consent. Been shocked to find those don't apply anymore.

Oh God, I fall down on most of these. I don't tuck napkin into my top (I actually thought only fat comedic men in cartoons did this) and I generally manage food to my mouth not mouth to food.
But I didn't know until well into adulthood that there was such a thing as a specific soup spoon. And what's the 'sideways pour into your mouth'?
I suppose I must have been taught 'cutlery together on the plate means finished' as I do do it, but I didn't know about 'cutlery in an upside V means you would like seconds'. And who are you signalling that to? IME generally people ask if you'd like seconds. As for 'knife in hand always', I'm afraid for years now I've been eating largely with a fork only, except when cutting or moving food on the plate. Even at other people's houses and in restaurants .

If any of my friends said that, it would be a joke, and the host would say something like, 'Ha ha, I'll keep it for party tax, thanks!' and all would be fine.

I know loads of people who leave it for the next guest 😡 so I never strip now

Mine is people eating in the street as they walk along. Even babies in buggies.

It doesn’t mean you want seconds, it’s a signal to the wait staff not to remove your plate as you haven’t finished.
I can’t quite envisage the “mouth to food” thing, tbh. Does it literally mean not to shove your head in your plate like a dog??

The sideways pour into your mouth with soup is the spoon itself is sideways on. You don’t put the whole spoon in your mouth, but put it to your lips sideways on and sip the soup.

Never blow on it either.

When eating in a group, helping yourself to more food from the table, without also asking if anyone else wants any.
I know people who will just help themselves and not ask .. sometimes even finish it off without asking if anyone else wants any!
I wouldn't eat the last of something without asking/making sure it was OK, but in more general terms if food is served 'family style' in big servers in the middle of the table, or if it's a shared takeaway, I absolutely help myself to more food without asking if anyone else wants any. I don't think that's rude at all. Surely the reason for having large dishes with serving spoons in etc is so that people can just dip in?

Yeah - I just cannot do that! It seems really gross to me.

There'll be people on here soon telling us that some people have no choice, but I bet those people are very few and far between. I'm not really meaning people who sit on a bench - it's people walking along, munching, usually with their mouths open.