Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

Cyclists are supposed to ride two abreast. It's safer and quicker both for them and for the motorists behind.

Yes yes though to PP who have mentioned people walking two abreast on a pavement. Selfish.

I think there's a lot of social conventions that are no longer social conventions, the amount of inconsiderate people you see out in public.

Recently I've noticed so many people doing what I've come to label 'performative yawning' ie massive yawn without covering their mouths that I was starting to think it was a new TikTok trend that I was unaware of.

Also it used to be the case that if you needed to stop while walking along in a busy place, eg to check directions, or look for your ticket/payment method, you would step to the side to avoid impeding other people who may be in a rush.

But now a lot of people just stop randomly, causing other people to bump into them or have to walk around them. Or they get to the ticket barrier and only then start scrolling through umpteen screens and apps to find the QA code that will allow them to continue on their way, holding everyone else up.

But there are more tactful responses if you feel congratulations might not be in order and you want to say something - "when are you due?" for example.

If someone's pregnancy is unwelcome, and they want to share that, it's for them to introduce that subject. They shouldn't be put on the spot by being asked if it was planned - not by people at the work colleague level of acquaintance, anyway. It might be different if you were in a one-to-one conversation with a very close friend.

Well, what difference will splashing a little water over a chicken make? All you’re doing is splashing raw chicken particles around the kitchen, making it unhygienic for everyone. Yuk.

Cooking will kill any bacteria…

To have a sense of civic pride was normal. Or. Used to be.
To have a clean and lovely place around you. To aim to have clean streets, be it a grand city or flowers in a town or village. People with pride about where they lived. Who wanted it to look and feel nice and took care of it. Local authorities paid for gardeners in the parks.

No litter, no mess, no graffiti ( ‘art’ imposed on others is not lovely and most of it is not any good). To have no dog poo or litter bins that are overflowing. Fast food packaging all over the street or roadside. You took your rubbish home, town, beach.

Now we have people who seem to trash it. Their own environment.

Exactly!!

Most etiquette rules - don’t speak with your mouth full, use a napkin instead of your sleeve - are there for a reason. Not this one.

If I have a group walking towards me on a path or corridor I will just stop, so they have no choice but to walk round me. It's my pet peeve.

Well, what difference will splashing a little water over a chicken make? How does that make it cleaner?! All you’re doing is splashing raw chicken particles around the kitchen, making it unhygienic for everyone. Yuk.

My daughter shared a flat with a girl who did this in first year of uni. It was vile.

Cooking will kill any bacteria…

I had that happen to me too! I have a buggy and I move to one side when people walk towards me on narrow paths because that's polite.

These days if I'm walking sans buggy and people won't move out of the way I just stop. I also have to do that with the buggy because some people are either thick or rude (or both) and expect me to walk on the road or through metal railings (which is impossible) so I just plant myself.

I'm with you on all except keeping the knife in your hand if it's not needed. When eating a salad for ex you don't use your knife most of the time unless there are large bits. Same for pasta. It's perfectly polite to just use your fork while abiding to the other common courtesy rules you described. To performatively keep an unused knife in one's hand will just look silly.

Eating in a restaurant with an outdoor coat on. Just awful and uncouth. It makes me murderous especially if it’s a fucking kagoule material and it makes a scratchy noise with every fork movement. (Looking at you family of 4 in a restaurant in Paris entirely bedecked in rain gear that you didn’t remove in 3 courses)

I'm reading all the knife and fork ones with interest. I know using both (and only the back of the fork) is correct and this is what I do in polite company. But I'm a greedy bugger and when I'm hungry I want to shovel the food into my gob and not have dainty little morsels balanced on the back of a fork!

When I'm at home I will often (shock horror) eat my dinner with a spoon, like a giant toddler, because I can get a nice substantial helping at each go. My husband who went to public school was appalled by this at first but sometimes he now also joins me in my shameful spoony joy.

They all did it too🤣 Our parents started it and we joined the trend. I moved out for uni and found out that that is not the social convention!

Very much so. Lots of them are arbitrary.

Don’t talk with your mouth full makes sense, but ‘elbows on the table’ is meaningless.

Yes. I taught my sons to do this at the same time as I taught them how to safely cross a road. I observed the younger one (12) always do this. The older one (16, autistic) says he's too shy😔. Well, I tried and I hope he will gain in confidence to do it.

I must turn into a hologram when i leave the house. People just don’t move out of the way when i obviously have right of way, as a pedestrian.

I have to weave in and out of people like a Spinning Jenny. I’m sick of it.

That you give way to a blind person with a stick or a guide dog.
I have seen so many people in recent years not doing this.
What are they taught ? When did they learn not giving way was remotely acceptable ?

If I'm dropping any of my kids off at a friend's house I always come to the door with them and say hi to whoever opens it and a quick chat and a thank you, see you later. I find it so rude when parents drop kids off and just drive away. Like I'm a babysitting service!

When this first happened with one of my DD's friends I opened the door to find her standing there, welcomed her in, then stepped out into the drive to say hi to her parent. In comedy fashion there was no one there, just me with a big smile on my face about to launch into a friendly hello...

The reason is that you don't jab the person next to you with your elbow, since scooping with a fork pushes your elbow out. Eating the traditional way also just looks a lot more elegant than scooping food onto an upturned fork. Since eating is naturally messy and fraught with opportunities where you could look inelegant, why make it look worse? Plus, your food is secure when anchored onto the fork. Less chance of it going flying than when you scoop it onto an upturned fork, which isn't designed to be used as a scoop.

There you go. Three reasons why eating the traditional British way is the best.

My cats don't seem affected by dairy. I let them finish leftover milk in cereal bowls and they like to lick yoghurt pots clean, but they've never been unwell from it.

That's ridiculous. I find an umbrella handy, people are less likely to ignore you if they risk poking out their eyes. (I use them in the sun as well.)

The thing with DS's buggy really narks me, it's built like a tank, and has a bright pattern all over it. It's very hard to miss.

I always used to take a bottle of wine to MILs when we went for Sunday lunch. I'd offer everyone a glass, and 3 of my SILs would always say yes.

Not one of them ever rocked up with a bottle, so I stopped taking one.

Yes I agree. I would prefer guests asked and I can say no , thank you. Just pull up the covers and I’ll deal with it when I’m ready. Plus I have the cat problem too, they’d go to sleep on the mattress and then I’d have to de hair it ! Also, you’re my guest, I don’t expect you to, unless you’re a close family member maybe.

I used to fall into this trap and my quick snack would end up with me making sarnies for 5 people and by the time it got to mine, we were down to the last scraping of the filling. It's just another example of hidden labour at the detriment of the maker

Even when you make a pot of tea it's always the maker that ends up with the dregs at the bottom, whilst all the takers have a full cup.

If there is just 2 of us I'd offer but any more than that, get your own.

If we have guests obviously they get served. I'm not a complete heathen.

Always leave place for meeting people/people who want to pass behind you on a sidewalk. Appalled at how many people walk in group oblivious to everyone around them.

When someone holds the door you say thank you. Or smile and nod. Just show a bit of appreciation.

Don't speak loudly in your Phone in the bus!! (Older people tend to do this and should know better). And for the younger generation : no, I don't want to hear your music/tik tok dravel either.

What it boils down to is; have some consideration for others and don't be a selfish twat. I am very indulgent of those not mastering all intricate etiquette rules due to upbringing but not there is no excuse being a nuisance.