Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I always thought black was for chief mourners and smart, respectable clothing for everyone else in any colour

Thanking the bus driver when you get off is certainly traditional in Wales!

This one is sort of a reverse but I found out for the first time on Mumsnet that dating your best friend’s sibling, or indeed your sibling’s best friend, is really taboo.

Some of the behaviour I've seen at funerals and wakes: talking loudly, taking selfies and worst of all taking pictures of the deceased.

Moving over a lane on the motorway of someone is indicating to pull out. Don’t just ignore them when the lane next to you is clear, forcing them to brake unnecessarily!!!
sitting in the middle lane..

It was quite awkward. The host is more my friend and rang me afterwards, basically asking, should I feel judged? I said no, cleaning friend just likes to be super helpful. Luckily she took it in fairly good humour!

I always thank a bus driver when getting off the bus ( not just randomly if I meet one.)

I see this as being incredibly nosy

If we're all queuing to get on a train or bus , don't just barge to the front when there are other people standing who have been waiting longer .

Letting people off the train before barging on in.

This is one of my pet hates ( is that shorthand for Petty Hates because it isn't petty )

I will shout "Let Me Off The Train, Yeah" at anyone rude enough to try and force their way on as I'm leaving . Sometimes they look surprised like common sense and manners don't occur to them.

Also applies to :
People on their phones and headphones breezing along not looking. I won't move for them and they are often shocked "Oh there's a PERSON in my way "

Children on scooters in supermarkets and the underpass . They have no idea if other pedestrians have sight or mobility issues . The parents are lagging along indulging them .

<Sigh>

I just don't want to use my fork as a shovel and have my elbow poking out. And having the food on an upturned utensil with the elbow poking out and the hand over the handle IS the way young children eat. I just don't want to eat that way. It's a preference, that's all. Hardly nonsense or pb to have your own preferred way of doing things.

Surely, as a guest, you ask - the night before you leave "Would you like me to strip the bed tomorrow morning?"

70isaLimitNotaTarget · Today 07:58
If we're all queuing to get on a train or bus , don't just barge to the front when there are other people standing who have been waiting longer .
Letting people off the train before barging on in.
This is one of my pet hates ( is that shorthand for Petty Hates because it isn't petty )
I will shout "Let Me Off The Train, Yeah" at anyone rude enough to try and force their way on as I'm leaving . Sometimes they look surprised like common sense and manners don't occur to them.
Unless you are Italian when that’s just how it’s done….

I guess the thing that I find most surprising is how willing people are to liberally ask for favours of others.

I was brought up that it was basically rude and imposing to ask anyone for a favour of any kind unless you were really stuck or a favour was owed to you and then only from really close friends.

I routinely see people messaging acquaintances they have met a handful of times asking if its OK to stay at their house for a couple of nights in different cities. My OH has a friend who does this to us several times a year. I don't mind, exactly, but I think it's a bit entitled and I wouldn't do it myself. Recently when I was dropping my DD off at an airport for a school trip one of the other parents asked another family (who they had never met before) for a lift home. Sometimes people are fine with it, but I still think its cheeky.

I'm extremely uncomfortable asking people for help of any kind and usually wait for a favour to be offered, even if it means difficulty and cost to me.

Not sure who's right or wrong here, just an observation about how people's 'bars' for asking for help are very different.

Ex fil was like this although not quite to that extent.
If there were say 4 of use and Mil had prepared 4 ham sandwiches and 4 beef sandwiches, fil would think nothing of taking 2 ham sandwiches and 1 beef. He would also take whichever desert he wanted without considering anyone else. To be fair mil treated him like some sort of prince. Always deferring to him.

It might not have hurt YOU, but it's probably hurt others. Have you ever even spared a thought for those who faint in horror at your pea methods?

🤣

I was on the bus the other day and there was a little girl of about seven with her (I presume anyway) grandmother. The grandmother offered her a snack and the little girl accepted it. Then noticed a sign that said no eating or drinking and she gave it back to her grandmother and pointed out the sign..

I thought it was so cute, especially as the snack was a treat and just a wee bar of some kind, not a McDonald's or something which is what I think they are trying to stop.

She had a wheelie suitcase with her and was dressed for summer she looked really cute. I thought she was going to stay with her grandmother., but they got off at the hospital😢 sweet wee kid I hope she's okay

Haha this is so true. How bloody dare I?

The peas are particularly outraged. The indignity.

Someone up thread was mentioning people who have clearly had no experience of good manners and who actually get stroppy when you treat them politely - interpreting as passive aggression. I've had this!!

I was at a shop doorway and 2 youngish women were nearby, In the moment, it was obvious to me that they should have priority so I said something like 'After you!' and smiled at them. I got a snarl, a hard stare and muttering in return, and realised that they thought I was being sarcastic. In their world possibly no-one ever said 'After you'.

That's not the only example - I've bumped into people and said 'Oh, I'm so sorry!' and got a rude response too. I don't care, though - I'd rather have good manners and I'm happy to let rude people just get on with being rude.

Same, we have friends who always do this and I wish they wouldn’t- I’ll do it when I’m ready or ask the cleaner to do it 😉

I was not thinking of any will! Grandmother has already passed on and we didn't benefit from her will. I'm not even sure if she had anything to leave or not.

Aunt has kids of her own, nothing would go to DH.

Sadly, it wouldn't have surprised me. I think we're living in a time where men's appearance standards have shrunk to an all-time low. Faces and necks covered in unruly hair, tracksuits and sports gear/hoodies. Heaven forbid they wear proper clothes like jeans and a shirt tucked in with a belt.

Ha! Had to wait for page 8 to see whether asparagus made it!

And the stalk is there to hold so one can dip the yummy end into butter (or hollandaise)

Do you wash steak? Or lamb cutlets or any other meat?

It's odd that they don't ask if you want them to, and it's also odd that you don't just simply tell them not to!

In the UK, that is the accepted way for all main meal foods, to use a dinner fork, tines downwards, in your left hand, with a knife in your right. Putting the knife down mid-meal, swapping hands with the fork, using your fork like a scoop, are all considered bad table manners if you're over 3 years old. Oh, and don't hold the knife like a pen.

Yes, I mean who enjoys being stabbed? Not peas.