Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

If you live in or are staying in a house where the toilet is inside the bathroom ask or tell other people when you are about to have a shower. That way they can use the toilet before you get in or grab a towel or whatever.

I was raised that if you are given a gift of cash that when you send your thank you letter (or text) that you say what you spent it or are intending to spend it on. Such as “thank you Aunt Mary for the $50, I purchased a new PlayStation game called Murderous Hunter.” Apparently this is not the done thing by everyone else’s standards.

Don’t take your dog somewhere unless checking with the host first.

It doesn’t matter how you thank people. A phone message is just as good. If I sent anything by mail it might arrive days later.

Agree. Similarly if on a pavement that only allows for one person then if you are coming the other way and the traffic is coming in your direction then you step into the road and vice versa.

@Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes

How old are your elderly relatives? My mum died aged 85 and was just as good at texting as me. End of the school holidays is rather lax as well, we always send a message and photo by Boxing Day.

I hear and read a lot about horrible behaviour at buffets. I know a catering manager and he explained that buffets are a nightmare for caterers to manage. However much you put out, people are selfish and greedy. For eg, if one of the dishes is a plate of cold beef slices (just for example), amongst many other options, you'll get men - yes, they're men - deciding they'll have 15 of those, when it's obvious to anyone with a brain that there's one, or at most, 2 each. Of course, caterers feed more food on to the table gradually, but even so it's difficult to ensure that there's enough left for the last guests...because people are selfish and greedy.

A friend of mine was on the last table to be called to a buffet for a friend's wedding. She likes her food and was disappointed to find only scraps, a bit of salad and pieces of bread left. I read on MN that at one wedding, a table of young men had to be physically restrained and sent back to their table because once the buffet was announced, they raced up and started stacking their plates before even the bridal party had got there. They were highly reluctant and made their feelings known.

What is wrong with people??? You're not going to starve. You don't go to a wedding (or any party) to stuff your greedy face.....do you?

Those that constantly accept invitations but do not invite friends back or host themselves. Very poor form, and entitled

Those that arrive for birthdays empty handed, and lie that the gift is in the post/delayed.

Guests not advising host of food intolerances until they are sat down and dinner is being served. ‘Oh by the way I have a serious fish allergy’ or Felicity became vegan last Thursday - I hope it’s not too much trouble for you -it is not cool.

Commebting negatively on host’s literature, art or interior design choices.

I have stayed in hotels that have signs up telling people not to come to breakfast in PJs.

This is one I didn’t know but learnt on here

apparently watching bbc is posh and watching itv is for the peasantry

I wouldn't advise stepping into the road at all, or at least not without a good look first. The number of people who hop off the pavement without looking is quite worrying.

Stayed at a friends who, to be fair is more known for her brilliant hospitality than her housekeeping. Another guest, before leaving, stripped the beds, put bleach down the loos and ran the hoover round …..

My parents did tell me that. I ignore it, totally ruins the enjoyment of eating peas.

I judge people who treat cashiers and other retail staff - and waiters, transport staff etc - as non-humans. It makes my blood boil!

I try to go to an actual cashier in a supermarket because I don't like the way automation is taking away people's jobs and because I like the interaction with an actual person. I'm familiar with most of the regular cashiers at my local supermarkets. People aren't machines.

That’s what I would do.

I was quite surprised when attending a performance of The Messiah last Christmas that only a few people stood for The Hallelujah Chorus. I thought it was traditional to do so, but no longer seems to be the case?

I was at a buffet where the first up table took entire serving dishes back to their table to put in the middle. I think there was a cultural misunderstanding going on….but everyone else was left staring at the cold meat platter being ferried off to one group.

Agree. By taking all the bed clothes off and putting them on the floor you are basically ensuring that the host has to either put up with a very messy bedroom for a while or immediately do a wash.

wherethewaterisdarker · Yesterday 22:26
I'm sorry but the zebra crossing one just reeks of (standard) motorist entitlement - I don't think a pedestrian is any more obligated to say thank you to a driver stopping for them at a zebra crossing than they are a driver stopping for them at a controlled crossing (with traffic lights). It's a weird power dynamic for the more vulnerable citizen to basically thank the more powerful one for not mowing them down.

But it's not about 'rights' - it's about being a human being! I mean, I have a right to my change when I used to use cash to buy things, but I'd always say thank you to the assistant. Or doctors and nurses - I have a right to NHS care too, but these are individuals who've helped me and I want to show appreciation.

It's a nice thing to do, to just thank someone. And who knows - you might make someone with no manners think for a minute and even learn something.

They should print out this thread and add it to the school curriculum as essential learning for a well mannered, considerate society.

Test the children at sixteen before they leave school to check they have remembered it all before releasing them into the world.

I saw a lady washing her feet in the sink at an airport in the far east, I would like to add that to the list (no she wasn’t homeless!)

Sooooo many! But the top 3

1. saying 'excuse me please' and giving people a second to move rather than saying 'sorry' while shoving your way past

2. waiting for everyone to get their food before stating to eat

3. giving a customer your full attention when serving them in a shop I.e not carrying on a conversation with a colleague while serving me

That is probably why the only time I have seen people in pjs at breakfast it was US citizens. Once in a hotel in Lisbon, where they were asked to change and once in the UK.

This.

stripping the bed is not universally wanted by hosts. I think it's rude. It implies you don't think they'll change the bedding unless you force them too.

but the most rude thing is questioning your parenting because you have a different way of approaching something some posters would be better off removing the stick from up their arse and realising their way is not the only way and quite possibly not the best way!!

It would make me feel uncomfortable if someone did that in my house. Like I was being judged.

I hadn't been to a funeral in ages and when I turned up in full black everyone else was wearing a variety of colours. I felt a bit OTT but things change and have become less formal. I still think formal wear or smart wear is considered respectful though so joggers would be unusual.

Cycling two abreast or a bit out from the kerb is recommended in the highway code and cycle safety training to stop drivers trying to squeeze past without crossing the white line, which is necessary to leave enough room to overtake safely. It actually makes it easier to pass as cars don't have to stay out on the other side of the road as long.

Dairy is poisonous to cats???? At the age of almost 67 and having had cats all my life

No, dairy is not "poisonous" to cats but, at almost 67, youre old enough to know that most adult cats are lactose intolerant.