Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

2 things: yes, the elbows in idea does matter. It's about not excluding or cutting out of the conversation people to the side of you, and I have seen it in action. If you lean forward for a long time you effectively cut out the people to the side.

Also - I instilled cutlery skills in my children but thought I was pretty non-judgemental about other people. I'd read about people holding their knives 'like a pen' and didn't know what it meant. But one day I was at a pub and I saw a woman doing just that, right in my eye line. I got it for the first time and honestly, it was irritating!! This might sound batty to some but if one of my children had done that I would have 'educated' them.

I wouldn't take something to family or friends every single visit. In my family the person who has people over is the one who provides the food/drinks. Not because of cost but just wouldn't really take something everytime because I see them weekly and they would get sick of me bringing things to them or their kids 😂

I have a colleague who uses her hand instead of a knife, poking food on her fork with her fingers. Also picks up big chunks of food on the fork and bites bits off them as you would with a toffee apple on a stick. Very peculiar.

This was in the lead up to a very tense wedding day, I was just desperate to keep the peace, probably would care a lot less now! There is a myriad of history of them being quite unkind to me, we are fairly low contact now (husbands decision) because of it. But I fully agree with you!

Family - no, if you see them every day. Does not really apply to close family, unless they live far away but you see them often.

Its strange to me to having explain as I though its obvious!

• you see someone often, informally, so to speak - no need for gifts.
• you invited to someone's house, for whatever reason - you bring something. For example, you are invited to dinner and the host has children, you bring a bottle of wine and something for the children.
• You are visiting distant relatives of invited to stay over at someone's house - you definitely bring something. Especially if someone is hosting you for several days.

Peas
If you scoop peas you have to do an inelegant and awkward motion with your arm to get them into your mouth, with the risk that they’d roll off.
So, turn your fork with the tines down, stab gently a few peas, push them further up the tines with your knife and repeat. Then they are stable on the fork, and you can keep your elbows in while they go to your mouth. It’s not difficult.

It doesn't, if your left wrist works. I've just done it to make sure!

Where there’s a will, there’s a way! 🤭

“Whoever said the rhyme did the crime!”

I am always staggered by the number of people I meet who will ask near strangers whether they want/plan children. So astonishingly rude and intrusive. Why do people think this is OK?

SE London? I agree! It's often not "thank you" so much as "thank you for not killing or maiming me", which is a rather different sentiment...

Or not stopping momentarily, with a head bow, if you are walking and you see a hearse.

You use the knife to push the mash onto the fork, though. You push all food onto the fork with the knife, with the fork held facing downwards. The knife isn't just for cutting. You never turn your fork upwards and scoop. Pushes your elbow out and also scooping food onto an upturned fork is a childish way to eat. Looks like the way very young children eat. But yes, it's all subjective!

A lot of the table manners ones are very culturally specific and outdated. Obviously, eating with your mouth wide open or licking the plate is disgusting to watch but worrying about which side of the fork your peas should be on seems a little bit desperate to do the right thing.

Basic manners are slowly being eroded. Holding the door open, saying please or thank you, not pushing and shoving when queuing, not letting wheelchair users through. A lot of people out for themselves.

It’s not true, though. It’s ill mannered no matter what the food is.

Using a tissue or handkerchief instead of just constantly sniffing. It seems like many people don't carry tissues, even when they have a cold.
Making people listen to you on speakerphone. I think one of the worst developments is unlimited minutes or data on mobiles. People having loud, drawn out conversations in public spaces just for the sake of talking.

Knocking on someone’s door before entering for example in the doctors. Closing the door behind you when you leave.
Not eating in appointments. Not answering your phone when in an appointment.
Walking in single file if you are approaching someone walking towards you.
Not hogging more than your single space when in crowded public places such as buses.
Never sitting next to a complete stranger if there are other spaces available.
Probably a lot of other things too.

Some of them are nonsense though. The eating soup tipping the bowl away from you and tipping the spoon sideways into your mouth is just effete and annoying and spoils the enjoyment of the soup.

Oh I do comment if it smells. I need the other person to know they smell and get it sorted. Too many people who don’t follow basic hygiene principles. Especially in hot weather. Get your self & clothes washed daily.

Love peas!

But I think it's sensible for the host to consider what they're serving these awkward little buggers with. Fish pie, cottage pie, mashed potato - all these help in getting peas on to the fork without too much fuss.

Much more tricky with say, with just salmon and other green veg.

As if the hotel is one big house, I guess. 🤷‍♀️

oh yeah that makes sense but I see all my family and friends frequently I don't really have associates I don't see often but if I did I would take something I guess. usually it would be a wedding so that speaks for itself.

Absolute petit bourgeois nonsense.

But it’s just nice! 😊 You can have a little moment of friendliness and connection. I see it as a lovely, tiny acknowledgement of each other’s humanity.

I know people have to stop at zebra crossings, but I always give a cheery wave and a smile because I know it’s a faff to come to a stop and start again. I do the same at pelican / demand crossings too. Lots of us are both drivers and pedestrians. 🤷🏼‍♀️