Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

No it isn't.

When you are using a knife and fork you have the knife in your right hand and your fork in the left hand tines pointing down.

As for the washing meat, when I was teaching 'Health and Social Care' and we got to the unit on Health and Safety the question of washing meat would split the room and lead to some, shall I say, healthy debates.

In the UK there is no need to wash the meat and in the case of chicken it can actually be dangerous because you can spread salmonella around your kitchen. But there are other places where you do need to wash meat.

I do tend to take things to people I am visiting, it doesn't need to be much, a few sweets for the children.

I tend to do this. I refuse to walk in the road because something thinks they are more entitled to the pavement than me. Especially dog walkers with dogs on long leashes.

If I saw anyone in PJs at a breakfast buffet I’d walk out and demand a refund. Utterly, utterly gross. Hotels rightly don’t make many demands on guests but they should be able to ensure the most basic standards of hygiene and decency are upheld.

This is a strange thing to worry about. I'd never heard of it. I'm born working class but ended up studying and then working at Oxford Uni attending all sorts of banquets and random high-end things so I've likely embarrassed myself many times without knowing. But since it hasn't hurt me, I imagine I'll just carry on shovelling peas/stabbing peas with my fork 😉

I don't know anyone that would over take a hearse or cut into a funeral possession. It's an awful thing to do.
If I was a passenger and someone did this, I'd be mortified and would hide my face in shame

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife

I was recently told if its a hot meal you dont wait because the food is going cold, if its a cold meal you wait. I've always waited for everyone but thought that made sense

I was walking the other week and reached a pedestrian crossing just as a hearse and following cars were coming through so waited before I pressed the button. I wasn’t really sure how many of the cars were part of the procession, I let the obvious ones through then about 3-4 after before pressing (it’s a quick traffic light).

My DH taught me about the cutlery symbols e.g putting them together to indicate being finished. He went to private school and grew up MC, I grew up on a council estate and went to a shit school- we never learnt a thing about cutlery decorum. In fact the only table manners I was taught were elbows and not eating with your mouth open. I feel like Pretty Woman with the rest.

I just posted on a fb group about my frustration as a driver in cortege with people pulling into the cortege....yesterday on a roundabout it was her right of way but she could easily have slowed to let me, the last car, pass..
No she had to pull in and for 2 miles she was part of it.

Ffs its a big car with a fuck off box covered in flowers what do you expect will be following it...

Oh yes, how could I forget whipped cream!😸

If they weren't going to continue with the pregnancy it's extremely unlikely they'd tell their boss they were pregnant when she asked were they say themselves in a year's time.
If they are clearly continuing with the pregnancy, then congratulations are in order.
Whether it was planned or an accident is noone else's business and for the pregnant person to decide if they want to share.

Same in the US. Totally acceptable for people to go to hotel breakfast in PJs.

You always wait. It's rude not to and just not nice.
Similarly, it's rude to make other people wait too long by not getting to the table asap or not planning your cooking properly.
But they should still wait.

I absolutely cannot imagine shovelling in food while others haven't got theirs. What was the point in eating as a group?

Yes!! I have tried and failed to instil proper table manners in my teenager 🤦‍♀️ It drives me absolutely mad to watch her not use cutlery properly. She thinks I'm just being pedantic. I am anything but posh otherwise.

Yes to table manners. I’m not ‘posh’ but I like to think I’d know how to behave at ‘dinner with the queen’ as my DM used to say. I teach at a private school for girls, where the staff have their own dining room. Some of the manners there are appalling.
My own DP cannot put his knife snd fork together, no matter how many times I ask him - he doesn’t think it matters. His mum does it, though…

idk if this is a social norm or not but I was brought up you always feed your guests. I always make sure I have extra food made for when someone is coming. if someone just turns up I always offer something. even work men lol. I thought this was normal.. noone has ever told me it's not tbh but just questioning now as not everyone I visit does this.

Well to me its just rude, sorry.

Eastern European ))

Making eye contact and saying thank you to checkout staff. One thing that has amazed me since working in a supermarket is how many people don't even look up when they get to the till.

At someone's home, agreed.
But in a restaurant, when dishes are coming out of the kitchen at different times, it's extremely rude for those waiting for their meals not to tell others 'please do start'. Especially if it's a big group where there could be several minutes between the first person and last person being served.

Just basically thanking people! From a wave of the hand at a pedestrian crossing to writing an email, text or even....yes! a card to show appreciation for something someone has done for you.

I've experienced several threads on MN where people have argued that this is all passe now. If it were just due to laziness or thoughtlessness I could understand that, but quite a lot of people think you shouldn't be grateful on principle - you're worth it, the world owes you etc etc. That's the bit I find depressing!

One pp had the attitude that if you expect a thank you for a wedding present, you were wanting people to 'fawn over you', and they were quite adamant about it. Er, no. It's just a human thing - that person has done something nice for you, thought about you and gone to trouble/expense etc. What kind of heathen wouldn't want to thank them? It's lovely to thank people (bus drivers, waiters, people who hold doors, posties, delivery drivers, retail staff) and makes everyone's day better.

Not if its just my neighbour just popping over. But if its like an evening together, a dinner, visiting someone in another city, - then you should bring at least something, even a mars bar ))

But dunking bread in soup is one of the great joys in life!

Totally agree! Offer food and drinks, this is just basic politeness. Also, make sure there is enough food!

Scooping forces you to put out your elbow so you encroach on the space of the person next to you. Never scoop, keep your elbows tucked in.