Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I find etiquette so interesting because it's so strongly held but varies so much by culture. As a child of the colonies I grew up eating the British way; DH is a child of the rebels and eats the American way (disclaimer - could be regional, every state is like it's own country etc - his family has upper East Coast, West Coast and Southern influences so who knows). Both of us were taught the other's way of doing things was rude, and our own way was correct.

For me I find his way much more comfortable so have adopted it over time, as have our kids. Cut food first, lay knife down on plate, switch fork to dominant hand and eat one handed. To continuously hold a knife in hand when not in use is considered uncouth. The British way now looks wrong to me even though I grew up with it.

I f-ing hate it when guests strip the bed and leave a heap of laundry for me to do. It's faux "good manners". It only takes 30 seconds to strip a bed, so it's not a help, and I'd much rather strip the bed and do the laundry when I'm ready.

No, I just typed a random string of letters, because I find it so frustrating when people use acronyms that are not well-known. Thank you for putting an end to my frustration!

JGJY 🤣

I think the American way is so odd! Also, when I see them eating with just a fork (films, holidays) it looks childlike, as if they can't handle holding a knife and fork properly! 🤣

And with the British way, you're not holding the knife without using it. You're using it constantly to cut the food!

Yep - because it's the highway to unplanned pregnancy!

Absolutely yet tucking it into the collar is frowned upon!

I wouldn't want to be looking across at a white linen napkin, smeared with sauces and gravy five minutes in. 🤢
Get it hidden!

See I grew up with that and you're not constantly using your knife, eg mashed potato doesn't need it. The American way you cut everything first. My point isn't really to argue which way is better though - just that it shows the very subjective nature of "politeness", as both of us were taught the opposite way was terribly rude. Whereas really it's just different, not wrong.

Y'all would have conniptions with the other way DH grew up, being a missionary kid he can also code switch into eating solely with his hands which formed a good portion of his childhood (adults and kids alike). He's also a dab hand with chopsticks, and will code switch cutlery when needed to "perform" British type manners. At home we eat the American way, happened entirely by accident as I just found that better for me (I blame double jointed fingers and a very particular dislike of constant scratching of knives and forks on plates), and we lived closer to his family so it was a bit of osmosis.

And yet so many people seem to treat it as an option they're just not fussed about!

I was on an interview panel earlier in the week, for a senior, technical role in a pretty traditional field . One of the (male) candidates hadn’t shaved and wasn’t wearing a tie. That surprised me.

Yes agreed, definitely not polite to make a mess of the room stripping the bed. Like stacking dishes in a restaurant, it's not helpful.

I got into the habit of stacking plates at the table because it saves a few journeys between the table and the kitchen!

Stacking used plates at the table at home, except on formal occasions, is not bad manners. I will die on this hill. (Bizarre to do it in a restaurant, I'll agree.)

I can’t see how it’s revolting to make sure something is clean before cooking? Iits now deemed unhygienic, but I’m not convinced of this either, if you are careful.
since when did we think factories and food manufacturers are careful with cleanliness and hygiene. I think they often aren’t.

I always understood this was ok, as long as you kept your fork in the same hand. My mum taught me it was acceptable to pick up a chop bone to gnaw, if you so wish. Maybe I was brung up wrong.

Both things make my blood boil. If we are walking two abreast, we break stride automatically to allow the other person to pass. People eating with their mouth open. Why?

My elderly aunt writes letters and sends cards. She loves to receive them too and saves them. She tells me that when she has a hard day, she re-reads them to cheer herself up. Digital messages, she says, are okay but just not the same. I’m inclined to agree for some things,

I've embarrassed myself in public recently it would seem! I scoop, with fork in same hand. Doesn't back of the fork defy the law of physics?

That's mandatory in Britain too, surely?
Do people enter shops here without saying hello?! I always say Hello or good morning, and if I leave without buying anything I always say "thank you!" As I leave.

I don't do this, it could take ages. I normally cook in our house and tell people not to wait. I don't want the food getting cold!

I have a cat who likes a short squirt of whipped cream. So far, no harm done. She’s eight years old

If the host or the person who isn't sat down tells you to go ahead then that's fine.
But not waiting for others is just unpleasant behaviour.

This is a really sad one, having thought about it, but I didn't know until age 12 that it wasn't socially acceptable not to hit someone when you were angry with them.

In my house growing up the adults hit each other when in a rage, they hit us when angry, and us siblings hit each other. It wasn't until a friend's mum told me I wouldn't be welcome at their house if I hit anyone again that I realised nobody else behaved like that. It took another few years to teach myself emotion regulation skills to fully control myself when angry and not lash out.

it’s a social convention though, that guests in a hotel don’t wear pyjamas at breakfast….

I think all cultures are different. We once stayed at a crazy priced ski hotel, most of the people were Russian and the women came down for breakfast in their silk Gucci PJ’s.

In some Eastern European countries it’s acceptable and normal to ask someone how much they earn.