Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I actually think it's quite rude to strip the bed! You could make your host feel uncomfortable if the mattress isn't pristine. They might prefer that you don't see it 😬

I know

People in front of me that hold phones up at concerts ( though not so much now) I don’t want to see the action through your phone

Eating & drinking on public transport. Why do we allow this? Rubbish left everywhere, greasy fingers, food smells, chewing noises, allergy risk. Entitled and gross. When I was growing up, you weren’t allowed to eat or drink on busses and trains. Long-distance trains had food carriages - with rubbish bins.

Actually - I am getting frustrated thinking about how people can’t seem to go anywhere without stuffing their faces with something or other.

I remember someone asking my Zimbabwean friend - we were about 18/19 - how many cows he had (I think it was cows) and it was all very awkward, Maybe for the same reason as Iceland and horses? I know it's a form of status and to show wealth. He said "quite a lot" and changed the subject. His dad had died a couple of years before and I thought, at the time, that was why he was touchy as he had inherited all of his. I never found out how many.

I am unimpressed how many people scroll on their phones during theatre performances @LeeHarper5 . You can clearly see them from the glow. It's distracting to everyone around and rude to the actors who also must be able to clearly see them

Why spread it on your lap then? Why doesn't it remain folded next to your plate, where it starts?

I give up my seat for the parent with the young child so they either sit the child or have them on their knee.On the other hand I do think it’s considerate of parents to put their young child on their knee when a bus is packed so an adult can have a seat.

No we don't do that or expect guests to. It's a bit holiday homeish. I ask my parents if they want me to strip my bed and put it on a wash before I leave as they are elderly. I'd find it quite strange unless it was close family and they asked first.

When I was a teenager I shared a bedroom with a very posh girl when we stayed at another friend's (parent's) house. She wouldn't make her bed every day which isn't how I was brought up, but she assured me that that was the done thing (the hosts were supposed to do it apparently) and I was in the wrong. I felt embarrassed for the parents, who never did make her bed, and used to straighten it occasionally

Two young men shirtless in a bank. I judged and then was horrified they knew my daughter!!

There were questions like who goes into a bank half naked. Bank clerk agreed. And also Dd how the bloody hell do you know them?

I totally agree with you - but I can't seem to stop myself waving thanks to the motorists all the same. 😅

Don't start me on people who don't thank others for keeping the door open for them however, as if I'm a hired doorman or something! I really don't care about a lot of the things mentioned on this thread, but that really annoys me.

There is really no need to do this now we have digital means to thank people.this is old fashioned, unnecessary and a waste of paparr (as are greetings cards)

That’s is gross! If the mattress is disgustingly, I would hate to sleep on it. I agree with the PP, that you strip annex. Basic manners.

I think that’s why it’s so important that the people of Clacton vote for Count Binface as he’s going to automatically conscribe anyone who plays their music out loud of public transport. I can’t really think of a much better policy than that.

Dairy is poisonous to cats???? At the age of almost 67 and having had cats all my life I can assure you that not one of them ever got sick from eating a tiny bit of cheese - or ice cream - and this might blow your mind but in the past cats were given regular milk to drink. Some still are.

I was walking home last week with several heavy bags up a big hill.

I had AirPods in and felt a tap on my arm and looked round but couldn’t see anyone at first until I looked down and saw a small boy in a school uniform maybe about 6 or 7years old.

He asked if I wanted help carrying my bags up the hill because he was walking home and lived at the top (he was walking home from the school across the road and was possibly older but I don’t have children so not good at guessing ages).

I said no but he insisted so I gave him one of the bags that he struggled with but still carried to the top for me.

I was really touched and surprised at his good manners and how keen he was to help.
I gave him £5 to say thank you and he refused to take that several times as well which I assume was out of good manners because he looked very happy when I insisted he kept it!

Someone has done a really good job raising that little boy and I hope they are proud of him, I bet he’ll make a wonderful husband one day!

I don't know what sort of traffic laws you have in the UK but here a person was recently prosecuted for not stopping at a pedestrian crossing and hitting someone. Drivers are legally required to stop here, they can't just choose not to (although of course many do).

People who hold loud raucous cell phone conversations in enclosed places…..hey I really don’t want to hear it!

See I see this as gently asking if congratulations would be appropriate. If someone's pregnant it might be the best thing that's ever happened to them or it might be a totally devastating situation for them. I would be horrified to only find out it was the latter after offering a big booming congratulations. I would see that as inappropriate. I've never been pregnant (thank god), but if I was and someone asked me this, I'd take the opportunity to make it clear that yes it was planned and I/we were both delighted or to indicate that it wasn't ideal but that I/we were going to try and make the most of it so the other person knew how to react politely. Or alternatively that no it wasn't planned but I/we are both over the moon anyway! I do frequently come across very strong opinions on this though. I would still feel awkward offering congratulations for something that might not be a experienced by the person as something positive at all.

Exactly what my MIL asked when we told her I was pregnant with our first child.

He was due a couple of days before our 2nd wedding anniversary, so hardly a big shock. Just another indication that I had TRAPPED her golden child. 😂

A lot of people think good manners are old-fashioned. Mostly because they themselves have no manners.

And on a similar note, expecting kids not to play in communal areas because you work nights and you can’t control your dogs!

So many. But no please or thankyou really is unnecessarily rude.

I don't think standing up for yourself means you have to uninvite them from your wedding, but I do think it means you should ask them explicitly: "Are all of our other cousins invited to the wedding except me?" Depending on their answer, you can then ask them why you have been specifically excluded. That way, you are not being a doormat and you have pointed out the unkindness of their behaviour.

Really?

My beautiful loving and kind parents raised me.

I always make the bed, so that the room looks tidy until the host has time to attend to washing the bedding. I don’t leave a pile of sheets on the floor. In fact I have never encountered anyone doing so, but am not so unpleasant as to question the parenting they’d received if they chose a different approach.