Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I agree. You have been hosted, it's not an air BNB. Leave it as you found it.

I agree about the napkin, but tucking it into a top saves soooooo many tops from stains!!

I'm only saying napkin because you did. 🤣 I call it a serviette, because that's how I grew up. And the word napkin just sounds really stupid. Sounds like a toddler word!

Moving out of the way if you see someone with a white cane. Now I’m visually impaired and use a cane, it seems that many don’t know what it is!

Not talking on phones in waiting rooms. I thought it was polite and the done thing to put your phone on silent when entering a hospital/dentist/solicitor etc but apparently not.

Even when someone pops over for coffee, say? I think it's odd to expect something whenever someone comes round. I'd only think people would bring something if it was a party, and even then I wouldn't expect it.

Oh yes, that one annoys me!

Yes! The sheer amount of screaming that goes on in public...I'm sure it was never like that when I was a child/teen.

I have thankfully never seen anyone in a hotel wearing their PJ’s. I’d 100% judge them.

I wore a white knee length shift dress to my friend’s wedding 30 years ago, totally unaware of the rule. Her mum has never liked me, and since finding out about the ‘no white’ thing I realised I made a huge faux pas in her eyes.

For the formal wedding bit it was mostly covered by a dusky blue jacket, but at the reception the jacket came off for the dancing and my fate was sealed…

As someone who would never wish to offend, I am slightly mortified every time the topic comes up on MN.

What on earth is a MAMIL??

SNFH

Oh, I can tell you that that one's gone the way of the dodo! The entire WORLD hassled me about children for YEARS after I got married. It was relentless, from immediate family to strangers and everyone in between. Never once seemed to occur to anyone that it might be an upsetting conversation for me.

I think people are very rude these days. I've had the kid nosiness above, I've had people ask how much I earn, I've had someone not close ask how my husband and I arranged our finances, whenever single I have people ask about my dating status (they basically just want to know if I'm having sex)....the list goes on. I have experienced very little respect over my lifetime. I don't know if that's a general female experience or if it's because I look like the harmless type.

A driver is at risk of a dangerous driving penalty or worse if they run me over.

Middle aged man in lycra.

SNFH? Did you mean, SMFH? 😉

Really?? I'm the opposite. If I'm not expecting a package or a person, there is no reason to answer the door. My friend's mum had a man barge into her house and proposition her because she answered the door. Then there are Jehovah's witnesses, people casing the joint, and I always wondered if poor Joanna Yeates might have got away with living next door to that monster if she'd decided against opening the door. I cannot imagine answering the door to someone I wasn't expecting. There are so many weirdos around.

Thanks!

Your friend wouldn’t like the way I eat then. I do it the American way by cutting my food up first then using my fork. I also eat peas on an upturned fork. I’m not chasing peas or sweetcorn around my plate for anyone’s made up rules of etiquette. Who got to decide these ridiculous rules in the first place? utter nonsense if you ask me.

Walking people to the front door when they leave. It seems uncaring just to let them slip out alone

It isn't illegal to open post, people get confused by the wording.

It is illegal to either open or delay it while "in the course of its transmission" - this is defined from the moment it is handed to the postal service, to the moment it has been delivered to the address itself.

Once it has been delivered to the address, there's actually no law covering people in the same household opening any post delivered there. There is a further law, making it an offence to open a letter incorrectly delivered to you but only if you do so with the intent to act to the actual recipients detriment. If you do it by mistake, or with no intent to act to their detriment, it is still not illegal.

But it gets into other areas. Theft if they keep something, fraud and other issues depending on what they do. The actual act of opening the letter isn't illegal though in that case.

Oh yes, my exH would make himself the most beautiful salads for lunch occasionally on a Saturday. Never once occurred to him to ask if I wanted the same. I'd see his plate when he walked past me to go into the lounge, or I'd happen to walk into the kitchen when he'd finished preparing it. But I don't think I ever prepared a single meal without asking if he wanted the same. (Except breakfast.) If I was making a tuna sandwich for lunch, for example, I'd offer him one, too. Would have felt strange not to.

Canadian here. 👋

We also tend to eat with the fork in our right hand, after switching it back from our left hand if we've had to cut something first. 🤦‍♀️

I thought holding the door for the person coming behind was the thing to do as well as wiping the edge of the sink or counter with paper towel after drying your hands in a public/shared washroom. Oh, and raising your hand to wave at the driver that allows you to merge/change lanes etc. Extra Canadian point if you return the wave. 👋☺️🍁

I've had that experience, luckily only a couple of times. It's very off-putting. Some people just have no conversation. There's not much point in meeting up with someone who doesn't show any interest in you!

What total weirdo (a-hem, stoner) 🙄 lets their guest just walk out?

I always scoop peas up and couldn't care less if someone judges me.

I actually judge people who criticize how others use their cutlery tbh. In my entire almost 67 years I have never studied how others eat and can only assume those who do have very dull lives. 😁

Same thing happened to my cousin with her first - even though she was married!!! Cousin was like "Congratulations would have been nice!"

I had NO idea until five seconds ago that cheese has a nose!!!! Or that the centre is the best part.

I might have embarrassed myself in the past...

I went to stay with my cousin whose kids were mid teens at the time - when they went out they just left, no goodbyes - my cousin would do the same. Odd.