Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I think that in yesteryear, if you accepted an invitation you had to attend (unless ill etc.). Pulling out for a better offer would have been seen as very bad form. And I think it's still bad form today, especially if the host will have gone to a lot of trouble or expense, or a child will be upset by poor attendance at his or her birthday party.

People that talk during performances at the theatre. I haven’t paid a lot of money to listen to you and mates conversation.

I was in a Spanish hotel last summer and a British woman came down to breakfast with her hair tangled and wearing crumpled pj’s every morning. She wore the same pyjamas for the whole 10 days we were there 🤢

As an American, this is such a weird one to me. Why not just scoop them up with the fork rather than doing this odd (and frankly, kind of gross) battle with smashing peas onto a fork? Also, how do Brits eat rice (by itself)?

I love that little fake token jog pedestrians do when you give way to them crossing the road. I always make sure to do it myself when I can…it’s like saying “Ooh thank you kind driver, I’m doing my best here to make your life easier”.

Gets me every time

I also wore a lovely white short linen dress at my friend's wedding in my early twenties. No idea this was a 'rule' and no-one looked at me funny at that time, anyway. It was so obviously not a bridal dress and luckily the bride turned up in a proper traditional corsetted dress with a huge skirt and a veil, so it was pretty obvious which was which.

I wouldn't do it now as people consider it rude, but I don't think it did any harm either, and I think wearing normal dresses with patterns on is fine too, especially in summer.

I can't remember what anyone wore at my wedding, except my grandma who looked lovely.

As do I, in fact I scooped peas this very evening!

Paella. Hmm. I would say - if you need a knife to cut up chicken/rabbit pieces than fork pointing downwards and keep the knife in your other hand. Make a shelf by stabbing something and use that to help keep rice etc on the back of the fork.

If it's a paella where everything is bite size already, scoop one handed, don't pick up the knife at all.

Potentially I think you could also use a spoon and fork, but that's always confused me so I can't offer any advice on that one!

Using mobiles or talking loudly in the quieter carriage of a train.

Yes, I was taught that you don’t cut a bread roll. The reasoning behind it is that it might slip out from the knife and go across the table.

F.H.B. when unexpected guests show up at mealtimes.

In france, i was told off by a french friend for chatting to the till lady whilst packing. Apparently one ignores them. Seems incredibly rude, not to even smile and say good morning etc.

@Beesandhoney123 I was told if by a French friend for the exact opposite. In France it's obligatory to greet a shop keeper when you enter the store. I hadn't done. I soon learned the etiquette.

Maybe chatting at a supermarket is different?

Turning up empty handed when I’m hosting, cringe.

Never reciprocating invites, if I’ve hosted you and yours 3 times it’s your turn love. Amazed how many otherwise reasonable people breach these. Yes we notice and yes we judge,

Certainly not a social convention but I'm unable to stop myself saying Thank You to the ATM when it spits out my own money. Probably just me.

Things like how you hold your fork, how you eat food (spoiler alert: some cultures don't even use knives and forks) and how food is served is so cultural, surely people realise there's not one set of manners which is ok, it's just social convention. There's even differences over whether it's ok to make slurping noises, in some cultures it's a sign of appreciation.

There isn't some moral code that these things matter.

I wash chicken in particular very carefully in a bowl; it's all gunky and is better washed IMO. The danger is from spraying it round the kitchen, and if you don't do that, there isn't an increased risk.

The pea thing is fucking mental. To watch people squashing peas on the back of the fork makes me queasy. It looks like the peas have already been eaten once. The only way to eat peas is shovelling them on the fork and eating them whole and round as god intended.

If I had overnight guests, I'd never expect them to strip the bed? I've never heard of this being a thing at all. I also wouldn't realise I'd be expected to strip it, I'd be worried they'd think I was overstepping?

Maybe you could politely ask them to strip the bed before they leave instead of judging? I don't think anyone I know does that either and we are not uncouth. I would just do it.

I am guilty of that. Our awkward little half run half walk must save the motorists hours each day 😆

I think there'd be some debate about some of those. Soup spoons are Non-U, and soup should be scooped away from you. Leaving cutlery apart signifies you're pausing, don't take the plate, not that you want more, which would be very rude!

If you're worried about these things.

A colleague joyfully announced his wife was pregnant with triplets. A younger colleague asked if they used IVF🫣.

At a posh hosted dinner, one person started to eat before all the plates were out. A table of 20 people - she was half way through her starter before anyone else lifted a fork.

Also you're not supposed to overtake a hearse, even on a dual carriageway or motorway, even when the hearse is driving at 30 mph

Am vegetarian and often get this sort of thing when eating out with others - though more in the line of 'what's that...oh I don't know how anyone couldn't eat meat...what did you have for dinner last night...do you eat eggs... what do you eat on Christmas Day...' etc etc, and you just want to say, could I please be left to enjoy my meal without an interrogation ffs!

Not only is that rude but ... why on earth does a handbag need "unpacking" when you get home? Don't you just have to pack it all straight back when you go out again. Mine gets unpacked about once every 6 months when I decide to swap to a different one.

This is the only way.

Why just peas? Why not rice? Why not wanky pasta like orzo?

Are mums sitting their babies in high chairs and doing the aeroplane food thing with peas that are on the back of the fork? Facing down like Concord?

I scoop away!

The other rule of table etiquette that I ignore is about bread rolls. I know that my bread roll will be on a plate to my left, so I don't make the faux pas of eating my neighbour's roll. But apparently we're not supposed to butter the roll in one go, but instead tear a piece off, butter it, eat it, then tear the next piece off and butter it. How unnecessarily fussy!

I once got terrible abuse from another driver for slowing down and not passing a hearse on a dual carriageway.

The consensus on MN at the time was that I was in the wrong.

I have to do it otherwise I end up with something down my top. I'd rather look stupid for the length of the meal than leave with a stain on it. I'd feel disgusting.