Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

Ooh no, Im not offering my children even more meals than I already make if I fancy a snack or a drink

Maybe it a different if there's only you and a partner but a whole family outside of meal times, that's a no from me

Never. I always check the name on a letter - how hard can it be? I would be appalled if anyone (including my husband ) opened my post.

Nooo. You don't strip the bed and empty the bin in someone else's house - that is incredibly rude and ill mannered!! WOW.

My friend asked how much my house cost… which I thought was a bit intrusive.

a normal person wouldn’t care (or would look it up on Rightmove afterwards!)

Well we find those who don't wash meat/chicken revolting and unhygienic

Yes. Really rude. It’s like you expect them to act as a chambermaid rather than a guest. Grim way to treat a guest if you expect it done and very odd for you to do this in someone else’s house.

This is funny because I absolutely hate it when guests do this and I think it's rude 😂. It feels like they are saying "now get on with the laundry you lazy bitch."

I often don't want to do a sheet wash straight away because I have other priorities and I don't want the mattress left bare and getting dusty. If guest has only stayed one night and is coming again in a week or so (no one in between) I'll leave the sheets on rather than make pointless work.

And I much prefer putting laundry fresh sheets on the guest bed just before they arrive than leaving them unslept in but mustering away for weeks.

I'm a big fan of leave the bed neat and tidy but don't strip it!

But what about privacy ?
Of the writer as well as to the recipient ??
It's like another world.
I cannot understand this mentality at all.

Not to ask someone why they don't have children.

You never scoop anything in with a fork, ever.
It's a fork, not a shovel.
You keep your fork tines down and you use your knife to push/squash food onto the back of it.

This is what I was going to say - I dated a guy who had very good manners and social etiquette in general but had truly no idea about putting cutlery together to show he'd finished eating.

I do pretty much everything so far, except wash raw meat.

Ive raised my dc the same:) we all must seem uber polite and weird, crushing peas on backs of forks, eating pizza with a knife and fork unless its a picnic:)
We offer to carry heavy bags if someone is struggling along the pavement, which seems to shock some folk.

In france, i was told off by a french friend for chatting to the till lady whilst packing. Apparently one ignores them. Seems incredibly rude, not to even smile and say good morning etc.

We do not play on our phones when out with friends or at dinner. Or cinema etc.

And i always wave off guests until they are out of sight. How else can you be sure they have gone?

This is okay to an extent...some people would take every cup of tea and snack offered and never reciprocate. Stuff that.

Yes, phones.
If I am with other people, my phone stays in my bag/pocket.
Some people do get their phone out and lay them face down on the table.. but I notice they still check it all the time.

Not offering a drink to guests or tradespeople when they come round

Not offering a drink to guests or tradespeople when they come round

Wow! Who could have thought opening someone else’s private mail was normal?

Almost everything should be eaten with the fork pointing downwards.

Exception is things you eat one handed with just a fork - like cake, or something like risotto.

I was taught that when you ring or knock at a front door, step back and off the steps before the door is answered

Has anyone already mentioned using a soup spoon away from you? I was always told to scoop up soup from the opposite side of the bowl but in my 50s I suddenly realised nobody else does it.

Also if you're on a side road waiting to pull out onto a main road wait until the cars have gone and don't just pull out in front of them, making them brake. Bit of a pet peeve of mine.

Going to someone’s house empty handed . I can never do that , I find it so rude .

At least family germs were acknowledged, I literally didn’t know that people cared about that. If food was fresh and you were all eating it, it never occurred to me that double dipping wasn’t allowed. I was shamed by this as an adult.

Please someone explain why mashing your peas onto the back of your fork makes you a better person than those of us having them sitting nicely on the top of the fork? I don’t even like peas but I’d eat them sensibly and intact, not like a thug

Was recently in a hotel in Copenhagen (not 5star, 3 star) that had a rule about wearing appropriate attire in common areas. They said this was about too many tourists wearing PJs at breakfast.

I'm an American and was raised to wear clothing at the table, even as kids, so I raised my own kids to get dressed, THEN come to breakfast. However, I've noticed in the last 10-15 years, fewer and fewer Americans do this at hotels.

To me, why would you eat food in the clothes you intend to sleep in, or that you just slept in? Seems gross.

Yes I mentioned the soup spoon one. Glad you do the same. I was beginning to think my mother and I were the only people left in the world who did this,