Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

No way!!! 😲

Agree. Unless there is great urgency like with sneezing then attending to the nose should be done in private.
Retire to the bathroom.
It is an excretory function.
Should not be done at the table.
Talking of tables and dining etc another thing i find off putting is stacking used plates at the table.
We never did this at home which was like the song ever so humble.
And to see it done in a restaurant is beyond the pale.

To my mind, some of these things are practical (holding a door open for the person behind you; walking in single file on a busy pavement) and should be encouraged; others (such as the eating of peas) are to create a “them” and “us”
attitude and to judge people on things they may not be aware of in which case I try to ignore. This is probably due to have a socially aspirational grandmother who loved to look down her nose at other people, many of whom were a lot kinder & nicer than she was. Just to be clear, eating with your mouth full is a practical one

Another: starting to eat straight away when others have not been served yet and finishing your meal super quick and leaving the table when others have not even started. And yes this was an adult.

Our Deputy Head, who is otherwise a kind and polite person with social skills, made an exaggerated 'urgghh/gross' sound/comment regarding a colleague's lunch. I said it was not done to comment negatively about food someone else was about to eat and probably looking forward to. Dep Head was surprised to hear this and seemingly had never considered it might be impolite and off-putting ...🤔

its not. https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2000/26/section/84

We are not 'precious' about it either.
We just respect basic privacy.

I don't get it either. Is why I was taken aback by it. From what I gather, you kind of have to smoosh them on the back of your fork.

I scoop them up with my fork. It is the most efficient way to get them to my mouth. If I stab them, some go flying off my plate.

I want to know the finer points. Does this only apply to garden peas? What about marrowfat peas? Mushy peas? Or other small round foods like chickpeas?

You don’t always do that if the others never offer.

So im a big fan of putting rules in the bin a lot of the time. Dont want to invite your aunt to your wedding because you barely see her? Dont invite her. You eat spaghetti with a spoon? Whatever is comfortable and delicious for you my friend.
I am likely autistic and realised as an adult that I was following slightly different rules ..
I thought it was accepted that:
You dont comment negatively on people's appearance (i am very pale, and people are very rude)
You dont have lengthy phone calls in public (why would anyone want to listen to your noise)
You dont complain about not being invited to something (i still think this is rude! and all the threads on here where its clear not inviting someone is considered the rude bit... i still dont quite get it. Isnt it normal to not want everyone you know at every occasion?!? Isnt feeling entitled to an invite rude? Baffling)
You offer to pitch in when you are at someone's house. (I do understand that some people prefer to do it themselves, totally understandable as im the same, but the way- mostly men- dont even offer even when I KNOW they have seen their wife offer in the past.....)

Bad car behaviour - lack of indicating, cars not waiting for drivers to finish a three point turn, double parking outside schools (seen today in NW London), cars just stopping in middle of road to let passenger out- instead of pulling in and letting traffic pass, cars again just stopping in road to turn right - instead of positioning themselves so that other cars may pass on the left, drivers not waiting in lane but instead rushing to the front to cut in. Today I saw a man on a mobility scooter driving it fast on a main road and holding up traffic - I very much doubt that he’s insured if he hits someone.
Ive been driving for a long time and I’m convinced that many drivers do not have a licence.
Bring back the traffic police!

I was also brought up to stop, if walking, and acknowledge a funeral procession coming along. Men should remove their hats.

I eat soup as you've described. My dad taught me when I was about four or five years old.

I also prod peas and pretty much everything else on the plate. I hate watching people scoop everything up with their fork. It doesn't feel right at all but I accept thats just how I was raised.

Also, is it really rude to strip a bed? I mean, inconvenient possibly but rude? Really? Seems a bit over the top. I think that many people would simply see it as helping to do a job so that the host doesn't have to. People are reacting as if the guest is doing it as a 🖕🏼you type thing.

Waiting til everyone is served before starting to eat. Mind you I notice it’s males that are bad for this, including my own son! They/he acts like he’s never seen food before and needs to eat it as fast as possible. This despite me telling him every time to wait! Then getting up as soon as they are done.
Knife and fork together and on the plate when done.

Lack of spatial awareness is a big one - the people ahead on a walk who stop for drinks/poop-scooping/texting/any reason and clearly are not aware of their surroundings and continue their walk just as I draw level. Ok, now we are all walking together and they look at me like a weirdo - I have to choose whether to power walk away feeling uncomfortable and 'chased' or pretend I need to stop and let them get ahead (and then they will do the same trick again!!).

Have some spatial awareness - don't walk out of a shop door and just stop, don't get off an escalator and just stop, see who is around you and think how your occupation of the space affects their occupation of the space. I beg!

I’ve always learned to put my cutlery together when I’ve finished my meal. Dh wasn’t taught that ace just left his cutlery placed randomly. It just wasn’t something his family did. I was only 19 but I was genuinely blown away that they didn’t do this. Do does now do it but only because he knows it matters to me.

As a child, I was told to never ask how much someone paid for their house or how much they sold it for, and it was the same rule for adults too.

My parents were strict on table manners, but they didn't mind if we used to scoop peas up as it's almost impossible to balance them on the hump of the fork. After a meal had ended, we had to ask if we could "get down", and always pushed the chair back under the table.

I agree with not turning up to someone's house empty handed. I would also always send a thank you card afterwards (I'll accept a text, but I was brought up that thanks should be in writing).
Obviously, don't ask personal questions - astonishing that some people do this.
Never discuss money - it's vulgar.
Never ask someone how they voted.

And I always quite liked the idea that gentlemen walk on the outside edge of the pavement, in case if carriage splashes!

I need to open DH's mail as he is away for quite long stints so something important might be missed otherwise.

I also hate it when people don't wait for everyone to be served at the dinner table, or get up and wander off when people are still eating. DH was bad for that but I've trained him now.

I really wish my parents had been stricter with me on writing thank you cards to older relatives. Now that I'm an adult myself and they're gone, I feel really sad and guilty that I didn't do so.

Only for a bad purpose, obviously it's not illegal to mistakenly open a letter because you didn't have your glasses on, that would be ridiculous 😁

Well, clearly that's the reason, but the thread is about manners and social niceties; doing something or not doing something out of consideration for others.

Im glad you mentioned getting in single file on the pavement. I still do this but am amazed how many don't and try and barge into you etc.
They wouldn't do that if they were in a car . Io

I had quite a religious upbringing and, even though I’m not religious now, I always stood for hymns.

i went to a Christening and stood up automatically when it was time to sing, and I was literally the only one and I felt like a tool.

I’m still not 100% sure what the point of the Christening was, if they weren’t religious and didn’t know about these sorts of conventions. The bloke admitted that he’d never been to church in his life.

(To say that I don’t judge someone for not knowing this etiquette. I just don’t understand why you’d bother with a Christening if you aren’t religious.)

Peas touching mashed potato??!! What kind of heathen are you?!

The foot and cycle path near my house contains the only entrance to allotments, and cars are allowed to (very slowly) drive down it, only to access the allotments, and it is bollarded off after the allotments.
Obviously with it being a foot and cycle path, bikes and pedestrians should have priority but cars are so bloody wide now that it always ends up being pedestrians that squash themselves onto the sides, into the overgrown verges etc, with dogs and kids.
I walk my dog here every day and have done for six years. I can count on one hand the amount of drivers that wave thank you to me for letting them past. They always have their eyes firmly fixed ahead of them, not even acknowledging my existence even though they must have seen me walking towards them.