AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

Defo not being unreasonable. You sound like you do a lot for your sister in general and also with the wedding prep. And caring for your husbands family too.

It would really annoy me at your sisters in laws saying that you should look after the niece between you. The cheek of them offering your time. Let them do it all themselves if they feel so strongly. These ppl want to look good ie offering the honeymoon but its at the expense of your time. CF's

Also your sis can still go if you don't mind your niece she can take her with her. She just doesn't want too. She doesn't want to be put out but has no trouble expecting you to be.

I wouldn’t be watching anyones children for a week or two for a holiday. Bloody cheeky.

An emergency then yeah I’d have to step up and have at least a few days but a holiday nah.

I'm shocked that a parent would voluntarily dump their 8 year old for two weeks in the summer holidays, without seemingly being that bothered about who with/what they'll be doing in those two weeks, when they could take them on what sounds like a pretty ideal family holiday in the south of france.
I could understand a bit more if it was a trip that an 8yr old wouldn't enjoy, if it was long haul, or something too adventurous like trekking. Or if they wanted a few days to themselves. But two weeks is a long time, and it doesn't sound like the bride has had any thoughts about thinking of a decent alternative for DN, just 'who will have her'. It isn't just about how independent DN is, it's the idea that the rest of her family gets to go on a great holiday and she's left behind.

I would suggest they leave the child for a week and you mind her for 3 days and then the ILs take her for 4, or the other way around. 2 weeks is too long for parents to leave a child i think. While I understand not wanting her for 2 full weeks, I think saying no seems a bit mean to be honest. You seem so exhausted from all the wedding planning surely you understand the bride will be more so? You also seem to resent having helped out with childcare so she could attend wedding related appointments. It's not like this is an annual holiday it's her honeymoon, I think its fair that family help out as a one off.

It’s clearly not a ‘one off’ - they’ve left their daughter for 2 weeks previously.

Giving a holiday the title honeymoon doesn’t change what it is - a holiday.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Your time is yours to do as you wish. You have offered a few days if that’s not enough then tough tits

So your sister actually has two children?

There was no resentment, just an explanation.

And OP has listed the other reasons that she wants to take her annual leave with her DH and DCs.

Nope. One.

No. She had a baby and the baby became a toddler. The toddler is now 8.

So your sister has two children?

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Ffs only on MN would you get some of these responses, lol. You don’t have to justify your two weeks off, you just say no. You have done enough and have other commitments. She’s bloody cheeky to ask given everything else you have been doing.

Whereas I’m shocked that the parents of the kid are happy to leave her for 2 weeks to go on holiday.

That sounds like a lovely idea

And I’m shocked they had the nerve to ask someone to have her for two weeks to start with.

Different for an offer but to ask is extra cheeky.

It is the sisters-in-law not the PILs who are prepared to have DNiece for a week and they can't take more than a week away from the business they are running.

It was a mistake moralising about this, because now you've opened yourself up to criticism about okaying leaving an 8 year old for a fortnight. Personally I couldn't imagine being willing to do that for a holiday cottage and some uninterrupted shagging.

NOOOOOOOO!

and I think that playing pass the puppy is a cruel thing to do to an 8 year old child.

I didn’t read it as sisters-in-law, I read it as the sister’s in-laws (as in Pils)

So you slowly let this relationship be a one sided thing. She’s taking and you’re giving. Why would she want to change that.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Ah, OK, I see what you mean and I think you are probably right!

But whichever in-laws it is, they have a business to run so can only cover a week of childcare, and thus wouldn't be able to go to the holiday home with DNiece for the second week.