AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

She started the thread before the sister asked the second time - and I have said that if the first no was firm she shouldn’t have asked if OP’s kids could help out.

but the vitriol for the sister daring to ask started long before that update.

we also don’t know why the in-laws took it upon themselves to contact her, but why let that fact get in the way of a good old fashion slagging off?

Disagree - in the very first post, OP’s first no (looking horrified) was immediately countered by Sis saying “in laws can do a week, you can do a week”

Sis must have then gone and told in-laws this idea without OP saying “sure, yes, we are happy to do half if they do half”

Ok, disagree. No worries.

like I said, OP was fine to say no. Sis was fine to ask, in my opinion.
even going from a fortnight to a week to make it easier isn’t that big of a deal.

I agree. The couple don’t get to assume their families (or anyone) will provide childcare, that’s very entitled. Especially at such short notice.

It’s more the general way some people are clutching their pearls over the thought of parents ever wanting - gasp! - time away from their children that I’m finding a bit pathetic, rather than this specific situation.

@Mollymoo67 I think it's because most posters, myself included, haven't gone on holiday without their children for two weeks, it's unusual to want to leave them that long.

Once they're young adults, however, the world is our oyster...one more year to go until our youngest is at uni, DH and I are already planning trips. 😆

2 weeks? Leaving their own daughter?

I'm sorry but no. If your sister wanted a 2 week child free honeymoon she should of got married before having kids!! You can't expect other people to look after your child for 2 weeks. Tbh it's weird to me your sister and partner would be ok leaving their child for 2 whole weeks.

There’s nothing to sort out with your sisters in laws.

Your sister asked …. You said no.

No reasons required. If your sisters in laws provided the holiday and if it’s their holiday home it’s a freebie anyway then they can step up and provide the childcare.
They obviously factored your family into the equation without your knowledge or consent.

They obviously factored your family into the equation without your knowledge or consent.

CANCEL THE CHEQUE!

Nope, the groom and the in-laws assumed that DNiece was going with her mum and dad. It’s DSis who wanted to go without her DD.

In this situation I'd probably consider one sleepover (one night) but a whole week is a lot to ask for. Plus I wouldn't even go on holiday for a fortnight without my 9 year old either, so I'd question whether niece would even be ok with that plan.

I wouldnt babysit anyones child or children.

Well done for not dignifying her CF in laws with a response.
No response is a clear response IMO.

Enjoy your well earned holidays OP and perhaps rethink your general generosity.
Well done to your children for not being inposed upon either.

It strikes me that you are no long being appreciated and are now being massively taken for granted.

A recalibration is due.

Poor, poor child. Her own mother 'not happy' about going on a free holiday with her own child and wants to offload her for two weeks - at short notice- to the extent of constantly asking people who've already said no and even trying to exert pressure on OP's children. I feel so sorry for the child, surely she can't be totally oblivious to this.

I also can't imagine going on holiday without my 9 year old for two weeks.

Is she usually this emotionally neglectful of her child and selfish, OP?

Well, the in-laws should have considered their grandchild before making grand gestures. They have absolutely no right to be making demands on your family’s time.

They did. The “grand gesture” was an offer of their holiday home for their son, DGD and new DIL to use.

They shouldn’t have got involved in chasing OP, true, but it’s bollocks to say they didn’t consider their grandchild.

Glad the OP was firm and did not guve in. The sister sounded properly entitled.