AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

It's not the only reason why getting married before the kids come along is a good idea.

I think she means that the niece was a baby and then a toddler and Dsis was coping with the stages consecutively, not that there are two children. But I was confused at first too.

It’s gone midnight and I’m really tired so please forgive me if I’ve misunderstood your post, but the bride and groom are the parents of the girl, her mum and dad are getting married. Her dad is happy to take her with them but her mum is saying no, we’ll leave her behind with OP (who is the Mums sister) or the grandparents (who are dad’s parents).

Quality time really means "happy time" (horny time)

2 weeks of it!!!!

Poor child. Parents are like dogs on heat. Dirty boi!!!!

Well done for prioritising you & your relationship with your husband. It’s important to spend proper time together to connect without work stress etc. just say you’ve booked holiday with your husband and at most you can have your niece for 1-2 nights. If you’d had more warning you could have made arrangements but to spring it on you isn’t reasonable. It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page which is good.

That are a long standing family of three not a pair of bright eyed newly weds .

They should take their daughter on their family holiday and not impinge on someone else’s . Poor daughter. Sounds like your sister has always felt entitled to your time.

team DH - “fuck that!”

Can’t you do a few days? Jeez

I'm afraid I didn't express myself very well in my earlier post. I understand the circumstances but I was struck by how much stick the Op was getting, I muddied the waters mentioning stepmothers! I thought your explanation of the thread was perfect, thanks for trying to keep me updated

When our neighbours got married, they took their kids with them to Spain for their honeymoon, for 2 weeks.

Why should the OP only get a few days of her two week holiday to relax?!

I think yabu! Its an 8yo.
however thats not to say its incredibly poor planning by pil and the dh! Also why would you book something for during school holidays? As the poor kid could have gone but isnt and because school is off generally more expensive and any person looking after the 8yo would have to take them places. Bet the kid will be sad…
i dont think any guest needs time off after the wedding. But if you were genuinely booked places then fair enough.
State school hols are so short its 2/5 of your kids summer too

I think there needs to be a means to encourage posters to read all of the Op's posts before posting.

Maybe like a button which reveals all of their contributions in one go so you don't have to search through the thread for them.

An eight-year-old child of the couple should be included in the joy of a wedding and honeymoon, not dumped on unwilling relatives

Wedding yes, honeymoon no, imo (with the proviso that proper childcare arrangements are made, not like this scenario!) Couples are entitled to some adult time to themselves regardless whether they have kids. I find the thought of someone taking their child on honeymoon quite surreal tbh.

I ignored the text from my sisters parents in-law as we found it rude and demanding. I saw my sister yesterday and she was trying to persuade us to have our niece for just over a week as her parents in law can only do 5 days of the 2 weeks. I said no. She was asking my kids to chip in and help us. They said they had things planned, so it was left as my sister and partner will have to take my niece with them. My sister was not happy but we are having my niece for the day tomorrow so I don’t think she was willing to have an argument which suited me.

We have now booked some things in on the days we originally offered so we are no longer available.

But it's not OPs job to manage this. Adults who don't want to take their kids on honeymoon, should get married before having said kids!

OP isn't a parent to this child - it's not her responsibility - she wants a holiday with her own husband, and as someone with no young kids, that's her right.

Your sister is a cheeky mare - you might need to remind her that you already do a lot to help her - she's started to take all your childcare and general life assistance for granted and is now getting pissed off about having to look after her own child. She's now so accustomed to you doing it, that she's forgotten niece isn't your child and you have no obligation to do as much as you do. This attitude appears to have spread to her in-laws, who haven't even bothered to ask before blithely trying to appropriate your time!

I'd be inclined to step back a bit on the routine childcare so she stops taking you for granted.

The cheek of them to book a holiday and assume someone like you would have the kids.

Cant you read my posts? Jeez

If you did, you would see that we were willing to do a few days.

People need to accept there's things you can't do (or expect other people to do) if you have children. Going on a honeymoon is one of them (unless you take the kids with you)

Yes this. Sorry, I read it back and I can see that I wasn’t clear even when I tried to explain it in another posts. I worded it very badly.

😮 Noooooo!

Is this a serious suggestion?

The only serious suggestion is the word no, to all of it. She doesn’t have to go for two weeks. One is more than enough.

Tbh my sister has never looked after my kids for 2 minutes nevermind a week. I babysat for her and helped my parents look after them when her kids were small..

I know you love your sister but she sounds very entitled. If they are sidelining her dd already as a couple, this isn’t a very good sign op. This is likely to be the start of a long period of ‘favours’ and babysitting, you need to be strung about your limits.