AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

If yu don’t want to take your child on your honeymoon , then you need to arrange childcare first for whatever is not too big an ask eg a long weekend at a fancy hotel.

@NotHappyFamilies glad you’ve stood firm!

PP has obviously never heard of Unaccompanied Minors.

Anyway…not your problem to solve; you’re merely the auntie, not the parent.

And maybe not for two full weeks - given the child is already experiencing a huge life shift

@Sprinklesandsprinkles why does OP need to compromise at all?

I don’t think her parents (who have been a couple throughout her life) getting married is a huge life shift

But I don’t think leaving your 8 year old fir two weeks and only telling her about it two weeks before it happened isn’t the best parenting move!

@Sprinklesandsprinkles if anyone is compromising along those lines, bride or groom can do the long day of flying back to collect their DD after a few days in which the groom’s parents have had her to stay.

WTF

She is likely to feel excluded - wondering what is going to happen next. A new baby etc. I’d be prioritising my child in this scenario. A positive, happy start will set the tone and offer reassurance to the child.

That’s true. There is no way I would go on a two week holiday and leave my 8 year old with other family. She would be really sad. I couldn’t give a moneys if it’s a honeymoon or not.

It's not just the sister's daughter, it's the couple's daughter. Their joint child. They have been a couple for years so even though this trip is just after their wedding it's hardly a Honeymoon.

I think Sprinkles is joking. She must be. Surely...

Your sister sounds selfish. Wanting 2w without her daughter

a week is plenty and takes enough arranging

and in-laws if they want to gift 2w then need to also gift childcare not expect everyone else to do it

They've obviously been together for a while if they have an eight year old. Surely it's just going to he like a holiday so why can't they take her with them?

I speak as a mother of 3 who goes away for a week every year with girlfriends and it’s sheer bliss but I think it’s a bit mean to leave an 8 year old at home for 2 weeks. You can’t have it all when you are a parent!

I think the in-laws expected, as the soon to be husband did, the daughter would be going on the holiday too.
I still maintain, despite it being straight after the wedding, it's not a honeymoon.

Quite right in agreeing that the inlaws and DH to be had enough time to sort this out, AND in-laws should have been prepared to do all the childcare.

If it's such an issue for them, have they not considered putting your niece in a holiday club during the weekdays?

She would still need to be looked after in the evening and a packed lunch made etc.

Also, cost - they’ve already gifted a two week holiday (possibly foregoing Airbnb income for this) - and availability, they might be hard pressed to get more than the odd camp day two weeks out.

Well done to you and your children for sticking to your boundaries @NotHappyFamilies . A great role model for your children

Where were the grandparents, the biological father and soon to be husband for the past 8 years? They seem very involved (dictating to you) yet your sister was a single parent.

When was the sister a single parent?

Apologies. I misinterpreted her non availability to support her sister when her children were young, as her being on her own.

I am so glad you have stick to your guns. Your sister's persistence is unreasonable and grating. And the cheek of trying to snare your children into doing it.

From what you have said, they have been together for years and its his parents house. I am assuming they have been to the house 'off season' and probably will again.

This 100%

Ugh. Your sister sounds horribly entitled. You said no and she then asked your children? Who the hell does she think she is?

And it’s also weird for both parents to use up two weeks of annual leave each without their young DD when most parents prioritise school holidays.