AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

id offer three to four days. A week is too much.

OP has replied to DSis’s PILs saying she will do a couple of days.

ETA it’s notable that DSis’s first expectation was for OP to do the full two weeks!

I don't think it will be a one off. The daughter has been left behind for 2 weeks on another occasion.

Well you accept if you have kids before getting married then a honeymoon with no kids isn’t always possible.

@fashionqueen0123 Absolutely this. We had a short, rather belated, long weekend "honeymoon" when our daughter turned 6 and we'd been married for 4.5 years! She stayed with my mum and had a great time - as did we ❤️

I'd tell them you're heading off for a week last minute .

Most people only get four or five weeks a year. I absolutely wouldn't mind using 2/3 days to look after my sister's child but not a full week.

Nobody has said it is essential to be married before having children. What has been said on a number of replies is if you want a honeymoon without your children being there, it is better to get married before you have your children. Nobody has passed moral judgement on individual choices, just pointed out the facts.

What this boils down to is the parents of her sister's husband unilaterally decided that they would include the OP in childcare arrangements for the week OP was on AL with her family, so their son and his wife could spend 2 weeks child free on holiday. So they have valued the newly wed couple having 2 weeks child free holiday above the OP being able to spend much needed quality time with her partner and children. Without even properly consulting on it.
It would be a hard no from me.

Who looked after the sister’s little girl when they went away for a fortnight previously?

You'r sister has gone from having no honeymoon planned to now expecting 2 weeks childfree. She is unreasonable.

So they are newly married but not new parents.

The dad is/was happy to honeymoon with their daughter, it’s only the mum who doesn’t want to.

Good for you! They organised the honeymoon, they can organise childcare.

Oh for goodness sake, don't do that! You know it won't stop at that. You know that. They will concoct some excuse between them why you need to do 'just another day or two'. Don't give them that inch. Just as I said, tell them it's their turn to step up, you are not available at all. Come on, you can do it!

Any updates OP?

@Goatsarebest
Well I do agree with that. For us, we chose the existence of our child coming before any wedding or honeymoon; both could wait, but at 39 and 43 our fertility could very well not have.
Watching my husband take on the role of a biological dad for the first (and last) time so beautifully was all the more reason as to why I wanted to marry him. It was a joy to have our little girl walk down the aisle between us and we would have not changed a thing ❤️

If you read all the OP's posts you will see that it is not really all down to PILs.

In one of her posts she says:

My sisters partner was fully expecting that their child went with them. It’s my sister that wants to go without her.

So it seems like the PIL offered and the DH-to-be accepted this as a family holiday to include their little girl. It's the sister who has caused the issue by deciding she wants it to be a honeymoon with just the two of them. I guess the PILs are now trying to see how they might help to accommodate that. But really what it boils down to is the sister being a CF.

Personally I could never have left my 8yo DC for two weeks while I holidayed.

Have you heard from your sister or got a reply from the in laws, @NotHappyFamilies?

It is a terrible message to send that 8 year old that now they are married she gets posted off to relatives while they holiday. I can't believe they are thinking about it! Absolutely say no, and tell them to act like a family.

It's the offering of your time that would bug me. This isn't your problem. Before this gift was happening they should have thought about childcare or they take the child with them.

My family are good at this. Let's get a rota or you can do something or you can slot into our plans. Whilst they have a lovely time. No.

Not your responsibility and she's a cheeky fucker.

Your husband has said "no way" so there's your answer.

Any update from them op?

What was the plan for niece before they got wind of you having two weeks off work?! Was it to take her?

Stick to your guns op and say no. I'd suggest if you do offer 2 nights care, that you offer the last two. Cynical perhaps but better safe than sorry or you will likely end up with more than just the two nights. Plus offering at the end of the two weeks means you've all had plenty of time to decompress in your own family unit.