AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

This!

"Proper Honeymoon". Is your niece the child of the groom.
In which case...honeymoon over already. You made a kid, act like parents !!!!

Yes

"There's nothing wrong with wanting quality time with your partner". Hmm. Interesting. Would this be the same "quality time with their partner" that the OP herself would like to prioritise over the two weeks' holiday she has already booked and planned? Why does the sister's "quality time" plans trump OP's?!

YANBU your sister husband and his parents have known for some time. They are not youngsters in the flush of love. They have a child and arrangements should have been made long before this.

As a compromise of sorts once she's had a week with her grandparents you fly her out to join them for the second week? It will be one long day for you but if she pays for the flights (of course) they get 1 week off then ha either own kid to look after

Agree you shouldn’t do it, it’s obvious from what you’ve said neither you or DH have capacity and need this time to focus back on your immediate family.

A 2 week honeymoon is a luxury for when you don’t have young DC.

They should compromise and go for a week.

Only on MN is looking after your niece for a week for a (hopefully) once in a lifetime honeymoon such a traumatic affair.
For me, helping my sister out would not be a problem at all.
You're not in your 90s with no experience of children and you don't have to go to Alton Towers everyday. Poor kid feelings like no one wants her.

It doesn’t, and you’ll be hard pushed to be able to quote me saying that.

i was talking in the broader sense, as i think - like I said - that the posts shaming the sister for daring to be ok leaving her child with family members for two weeks are bollocks.

I find it wild that someone would want to leave a child that age with relatives for two weeks. What a pair of bastards. Poor kid! OP stick to your guns.

MN is strange about this sort of thing. The child's DM doesn't want to take her on her Honeymoon despite the fact her soon to be DH is happy to take her. If she was the child's new Step Mother and said she wanted her Honeymoon to be just her and her new DH she'd be jumped on and told that would make the child feel unwanted and pushed out.

Actually since the groom assumed they would take the child with them there was no need to arrange childcare. It seems it is OPs sister who has changed the plans and is expecting her sister to pick up the brunt of it.

You should have stuck with no, full stop. Now you have committed to a few days, let's hope the person who would take over after 2 days, carries this out and doesn't leave her with you for longer.

You don't have to give reasons why you don't want to help, your life, your holiday allowance, so I'd go back and say it isn't going to work, sorry.

I completely agree with that whether it’s the child’s mother or step mother.

That’s actually exactly what is happening

If they've been together long enough to have a child that age, they don't need a proper honeymoon. They can have a family holiday and arrange a couple's-only holiday another time, when they have time to find sufficient childcare. Two weeks is a long time for a honeymoon, anyway, isn't it? Maybe not these days, but I would have thought a week would be plenty!

I don’t think you’ve read posters comments. There is plenty of criticism that she wants to leave her child behind for a fortnight.

I'd offer up a few days - I frequently had my older brothers kids for a weekend when they were younger, it was fun to throw a few extra kids into the mix and now they're young adults we have a really close relationship as a result if the time we spent without their parents and I love it.

Agreed.

Somehow gifting a 2 week holiday is generous but at the same time inconsiderate.
Not sure how that works but they have managed it.
😂

You're well within your right to decline. I don't think it's harsh at all. It sounds like you've done an awful lot and you also have care responsibilities. Time off is precious and you don't need to explain yourself. For your sanity and health, enjoy your break and don't do the childcare.

The people who gifted the break can sort the childcare if they are that bothered.

I would also say no to more than a couple of nights, when you have kids a couple of nights away is absolute luxury surely, 2 weeks is an extremely long time to be away from an 8 year old?

2 weeks is also a very long time to leave an 8 year old. Yanbu at all, the in laws can do 2 weeks if they are so keen.

They go for one week while the in-laws look after the child. A week is plenty for a nice honeymoon.

I’m a bit troubled by the idea of this 8-year-old being passed around for two weeks. People are urging you to have him for a couple of days, it seems you’ve agreed to this. Then he goes somewhere else for another few days, then moves on again . . . . This is no way for a young child to live for two weeks, however well he knows those caring for him.

There will be nothing worse for the child than staying with relatives that don't want her. Say no and stick to it.