AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

I agree with the poster who said the groom’s family are cheeky for volunteering your annual leave. The SIL needs to butt out, too.

Your sister is odd for not only expecting two weeks of childcare but wanting to be away from her 8yo DD for that amount of time, especially after such a huge event in a very young child’s life.

Well done to your new BIL for expecting his (step?) DD to go with them.

You are DNBU to say no.

I’m reading a few posts whilst watching the football.

When I said my sisters in laws, I meant her parents in law. Sorry for confusion.

I text them back today to say we can do a couple of days but no more and I haven’t heard anything back from them.

Also, the man my sister is marrying is my nieces biological father not her step father.

Oh stop being bloody silly. You’re the sister, aren’t you.

The trouble with offering to do a couple of days is that you are reliant on whoever is next taking your niece. If they say no, don’t answer the phone or similar then what are you going to do? Unless it is the final few days and you can take her back to her mum on the last day.

Why did the in laws keep it a secret? And how does your sister going to say ‘hey kid, me and your dad are going on a really nice holiday for two weeks but you’re not. Sorry’. If they had told her ages ago all this could have been thrashed out.

We took our 6 month old baby with us on honeymoon. 2 weeks is a lot to ask of you I think, maybe do a long weekend?

Hello, I read the thread a bit more and actually edited my comment, realised it wasn’t the man’s fault (makes a nice change!), so your reply doesn’t make sense anymore but I just wanted to say that’s why.

Honestly OP stick to your guns- you are allowed to need a break!

I'm currently exhausted from work and my own family. If I was also dealing with helping my sibling organise their wedding it would be too much- I am literally counting down the days to my holiday now.

If it was sudden to dumped on me that I was now going to be responsible for my nephew then I'd be gutted.

Unfortunately this is what happens when you have kids, you can't just assume you can disappear for 2 weeks of uninterrupted adult time!

YY @44PumpLane - when you are gritting your teeth to hang on through a stressful time, because you know you have a holiday/night out/spa day or whatever coming up, it hits so much harder if it looks like you might lose that break!

I think it’s a mistake offering a couple of days and I would withdraw that offer. It will be disruptive for the little girl anyway being shunted around. They need to have a proper plan for her care for the whole two weeks.

i think it’s best you decline if you don’t want to do it. I feel two weeks is too long to be away when you have children especially to rely on others but I also feel it’s a bit mean spirited not to offer for a few days.

Ah, in that case, I take it back about the in laws. Their offer of a holiday, shouldn’t involve you providing any sort of childcare (let alone the bulk of it!). Good for you for being clear.

Have you heard anything from your sister?

Just reiterate NO.
2 weeks is a long time to leave a child. They should take dd.

You all seem rather pressured when actually it’s the 8 year old that suffers the most being unwanted by all the family.

@Jane143 Personally, what I find most surprising is that the Mum wants to leave her DD for two weeks and expects other people to organize the childcare. The Dad wasn't planning to leave their DD behind.

It doesn't sound as if many posters, myself included, know parents who'd do this to their eight-year-old and the fact that they're getting married doesn't make any difference. A few days away is the max - when she's older, they'll have decades to take long holidays by themselves.

Agree with this 100%. You’re absolutely in the right OP. Don’t get pressured into anything. Maybe the PILs can look after the child for night or two but can’t believe the couple expect or even want much more time away from their poor kid.

Been married 18 years. Nobody has ever looked after my children for even a night away, and I certainly don’t expect them to. YANBU

How many times are you going to ask the same damn question? Especially since it has been answered.

The child was a newborn, then a baby, than a toddler and NOW is 8 years old. \

Capisce? It really isn't rocket science.

Unnecessarily rude. The OP said:

She was coping with a baby and toddler back then, when my kids were younger, so she didn’t look after my children.
and then:
I was asked if my sister helped with my children when they were young and I said no because she lived abroad. She came back to live here when she was pregnant but by that time my children were already 7 and 10. My sister then had had my niece and was busy looking after her so I didn’t ask her to look after my children
not totally clear if the niece was a second child or not.

She was coping with a baby and toddler back then, when my kids were younger, so she didn’t look after my children.

She was coping with a baby who BECAME a toddler.

This is what happens on MN, after the initial helpful replies posters start digging into less relevant details and go off at unhelpful tangents

A new husband after 8 years or so...
Confused!

Why on earth don't the child's parents want her? That's the question. It's beyond weird. If you have a child it's a family holiday.

"No, we have already given up part of our break to look after MIL. We are not giving up the rest to look after DN."

So he said nothing hoping you'd be a good girl and not make a fuss it's their problem not yours your a guest not a paid nanny 🤬

Well, they lived together but were not married.

When people who are not married get married, they become newly married.

This is because they werent married, then they are. So its a new thing. The marriage.

Therefore, although they have been in a relationship for 8 years, when they get married, they are newly married.

Since they are newly married, he is her new husband and she is his new wife.

Bloody this the nerve of some people