Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

I wouldn't say a thing and unless we're talking billions and you plan to make a show of it and retired early as Queen of your own private island. Who needs to know otherwise? I could think of ways to spend a million without it being that extravagant or noticeable: pay off mortgage and debts, buy car upfront rather than finance, pension contribution, private medical care, and one nice holiday.

Unless it's so much you you can't explain away what you are buying etc, keep it to yourself. Money and jealousy can tear families apart.

Don’t tell them. If you don’t give them money it wont be right. If you do give them money, it won’t be enough. Money causes so much discourse. Don’t tell friends either. What about hiring a nice holiday home and inviting them all and treating them to nice things

Yes I would. I can't imagine not telling people that. You don't have to tell them the exact amount but saying you've had a windfall would make sense...especially when you book a holiday to Barbados for Christmas and buy a new car 😉

Surely paying off the mortgage would be very noticeable since you're going to suddenly have significantly more disposable income.

I only have my Mum so yes I would. Not a chance would me and my DH tell his family. They wouldn’t stop asking for money.

I will be upfront about it-cards on the table time, because imo these secrets come out in the wash and you/DH end up looking deceitful.
In many ways it is an enviable position to be in so I hope you can put the money to good use and enjoy it.

Ive been in this situation and my parents were thrilled for us, siblings were envious but happy. If they're not the jealous types id tell them.

Yes I would because my family would be happy for us and not jealous or suddenly 'skint'.

Keep quiet unless you want to be besieged by a horde of vultures.
Be generous in secret.

No.

Maybe its just me but I would never dream of asking how someone pays for something, no matter how extravegent. I'd assume its either a bank loan, bonus, inheritance or they've taken money out they're pension. Unless I thought it was funded through crime I'd consider it none of my business and I'd just say "oh, how lovely" and then get on with my day.

The other thing I would say is that it’s lovely that DH has shared this information with you, as of course he should. It will affect both of your lives positively and is something that you can celebrate privately together.
You may want to share this piece of good fortune with your sister but for her this is not lovely news. This is something that she may perceive as putting an obstacle between you.
In the past, she would have not thought twice about buying you a gift for your birthday. Now she’ll be second guessing if it’s good enough or questioning her choice. You may think nothing has changed and be equally happy with anything she buys you, but she may not feel that. It will be the same if you arrange a night out. She’ll be wondering if you want to go more upmarket. You may think you will just pay for everything and it will be ok. But that will cause an imbalance in the relationship. If she gets used to you paying for everything, longer term you may feel taken for granted. If you tell one person, you’ve effectively told everyone. You can’t control the spread of information. Once it is out, you won’t know if people have ulterior motives for their friendship with you. People you love may behave in ways which you find insulting. Only tell people if you are planning to gift to them. Otherwise you may stir up deep-seated feelings of envy even they didn’t realise they had. The main thing telling people will do is destroy the equality in your relationships.

I wouldn’t tell if it was DH’s inheritance
I did tell when it was mine as I gave the money away to the kids so they could buy houses and furnished them and a trust for the grandson . Sometimes, when I’m skint, I think it might have been premature but nah..I don’t need it 🤣

I would tell close relatives that we spend a lot of time with - so DSis and DC.

I couldn't tell M as she is a jealous moneygrabber.

Dh would tell everyone.

I would try not to... mainly because I know that if I told my mother, it would be all around the village where I grew up, never mind just the family!

It's not your news to share. Enjoy it in silence.

This. ^

In my experience of others, when one party inherits a large sum/estate, others in the family are very resentful. My mother in law had two brothers. A cousin left his estate to one of the brothers. There was a lot of resentment. A woman I knew had sisters and one brother. An aunt left her estate to the brother. Again, there was from the sisters.

Also my mother always said that if you come into money, don't tell others. They will try and get the money off you.

That’s exactly the reason for coming clean and sharing the money.

Because if you don't, they'll only find out and be after it anyway?

It's not 'coming clean' in any case - that's when somebody has done something wrong, not maintaining privacy and thereby preventing entitled bullies from extorting money they have no right to.

I wouldn’t tell anyone except DH. Not my kids not my siblings. No one.

Don’t tell. Unless you plan to spend it all within 5 years. Just look at former lottery winners who have nothing left. If it’s a substantial amount, the only person you should tell is a financial advisor to help you keep the wealth. And actually listen to them.

I really am LOL ing at everyone urging OP and/or her DH not to tell!

The DH's brother is going to find out soon enough and then the shit will hit the fan! Big time.

It's laughable to think that his greed and secrecy won't come back to bite him on the bum.

I really don't think this is about keeping it quiet so that relationships don't change.

I think it is DH keeping it quiet so that his brother doesn't find out, and perhaps question why it has just gone to his sibling, when he was the one with the closer relationship. I suspect that the DH is embarrassed but not willing to share.

@ajandjjmum I'm not sure tbh. As I said upthread, my DH has no idea about his siblings' finances/inheritances, and they have none about ours. If any of them have inherited substantial amounts, we have no idea.