Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

If I wasn't going to share it I wouldnt tell them

You should be. My family is dysfunctional and my childhood was abusive. You shouldn’t really sneer at that not everybody had your fortune. Nonetheless, humans generally behave badly about money. I completely understand the OPs DH’s choices.

I won’t tell PILs when my parents die and I won’t tell my parents when PIL die, whichever order that happens. If I get from somewhere else, I won’t tell anyone. It’s very personal stuff, and nobody’s business. I’m very close to my parents and sibling but my PILs will is their business. I’d tell them when house is sold etc. but not the full sun or the finer points.

I would feel so greedy and selfish if I had enough money for two holiday homes and to retire when my sibling got nothing for no apparent reason. I’d definitely share some of the money. I never particularly got on with my brother but I gave him a larger amount of money from my parents wills because I had inherited slightly more property.
And how horrible to have a couple of holiday properties and never share those either!
At some point this will surely come out and cause a lot of hurt and resentment. OP you can’t possibly tell your side of the family if you don’t tell his.

I had an unexpected windfall a few months ago. It's not enough to buy a couple of holiday homes, but a trusted colleague (who was there when I found out) pointed out how long it would take to earn that amount.

My DH, adult Dd and 3 friends know. I deliberately haven't told my elderly parents and my DB. I have loved being a fairy godmother though to them all. My generosity hasn't been questioned, but I haven't been acting out of character at all.

Definitely not. Enjoy it, treat people, let them wonder, but don’t ever tell anyone except your husband. ( obviously yours already knows)

No

Yep.

My immediate family (Parents, siblings, kids) are fine as are most of my extended family, but some of them are like the three jackals in the Lion King when they smell money, belongings or anything they can get their hands on. They are total moochers.

They practically took shopping bags when "helping" my Uncle after his wife passed away. DSis and I have discussed how we are slightly dreading it when our parents and two of our Uncles pass as out of the (large) family, they are the ones who have done best financially. We havent spoken to our Aunt or cousins (her kids) for years but you can bet your ass they will all be their offering their "help".

The worst one will be our childless Uncle (Dad's brother) and Aunt, I am sure that the relatives will fully expect some sort of inheritance from them. Personally I hope that they leave it all to my Aunts Niece and Nephew and leave our side out altogether.

I wouldn’t peoples circumstances can change in the blink of an eye. You’ll get guilt tripped into lending them some and never see that money again.

I wouldn’t tell anyone the actual amount, but I would tell those close to me that I was in a better position financially and could help more than I already do (DP and DC)

Nope. Not a word.

Nope because as soon as people/relatives know you have money things will change. I've seen it happen when someone dies and money is involved its amazing who crawls out of the woodwork to get what they see as their entitlement. Even in my own family I was shocked at my one sibling when our parents died. I would never have guessed they would behave the way they did over money and it wasnt a huge amount in the scheme of things. But it split the siblings and for me I will never forgive them. Be very careful, take time and think long and hard about what you are going to do before you do it, it can cause problems as well as for good. I would keep it to yourselves for as long as possible.

Im abut confused. I think your DH has inherited serious and therfore actually life changing money. If so it's obvs primarily his decision who you tell outside your own nuclear family. The things I'd take into consideration would be whether you have kids and what you want to do for them, what type of family you have and what their reactions/ expectations would be, what other things ( eg charity) you might want to consider with a life changer, whether yoy can realistically keep it under wraps. In your shoes Id make a decision tree and try to be honest with myself. I hope the money brings yoy everything you wish for.

Who did inherit it to start with....if it is you OP, then your parents gave it to you and your siblings were given some of it too....may you give some longer story for us to imagine

I did read your updates and your logic makes no logical sense. It is all about your other relatives but not your husband ....

your husband money is not yours to just decide what to give to whom

I dont mean to sneer and I’m sorry you have such a family . We are coming from poles apart I’m close to my sibling and love them. If a joint cousin left me such a huge windfall I would tell them and share it. As I said I dont need two holiday homes.

If they are living on a low income any family member can sit and convince themselves that they somehow deserve financial help.
you can’t hide life changing money if you plan to change your life with it.

one way to get ahead of this and a I you like your family arrange something (trip, small financial gift, small isa for siblings kids). You already shown you are a lovely person and want to share a bit of love.
My step father inherited a large amount of money and told my mum she could pick whatever holiday she wanted like a cruise, she asked him to take both of their children’s families (4 children, 9 grandchildren) to Butlins 🤣🥳. We had a long weekend in the nicer accommodation with the full catering package it must have cost thousands.

Anyway just an idea of how to keep control of the situation and share the joy. If you don’t like them much do what you feel is right.

If your close hiding it will seem odd, if they are distant contacting them will seem like bragging.

To answer your question no I wouldn't tell anyone* if I inherited a large amount unless it was so large, like multi-millions I could start giving loads out to extended family too.

However I could probably bluff that we're earning more than we are and neither of us would be splashing the cash extensively, we'd probably pay off mortgage, fatten pensions, give to charity, go on days out and have pub lunches and put lots away for DS to pay for uni and a house deposit etc, I would probably want to do up the house get a new roof etc but I don't think that sort of stuff is super obvious. We wouldn't be buying sports cars, designer gear/beauty treatments and have 5 holidays a year to IKOS hotels.

However it sounds like your husband wants to buy a second property in America and I think that will probably be noticed, especially if you have kids with loose lips. 😅

*(Although if I had family that were financially struggling I would help them out, even if I didn't inherit much, and if that blew the secret, I'd just have to live with it)

It depends how life changing? If you're never going to work again, move into a mansion and get a private jet then yes that will need some explanation. If you have enough to pay off your mortgage, other debts and squirrel some away for your pension I would keep quiet... if you want to treat everyone, say you won a few grand on the lottery and want to take everyone out to dinner/on holiday... you decide. If you've struggled financially for a long while and need to repay debt to family members then yes you should do that and explain how you're doing it.

did the will explain why your DH was left the money? Or was there no will and inheritance law dictate your DH is the closest relative? If this was pure luck his brother may have a reason to be a bit resentful, it’s all about how much your DH wants to keep his friendship with his brother, it’s a windfall after all.
if it was the deceased wishes then it’s there must be a reason.

i was separated from my husband with 3 children when my dad took his own life, approx 200k was left to my brother and I but my dad had changed his will and my money went into a trust, I was one of the trustees so I could basically access my money but my husband couldn’t take it, not that he would of anyway but my dad wanted to protect me.

playing games with the kids to see if their partners screw up is a very dangerous game and is looks like interference and will not be taken well by your children, anyway we still not their money until you both pass so unless their partner tries to murder you both theirs not much risk, too much of a long game to only stay with them for money. You can treat your kids and help them with life without handing them a blank cheque, Shirley treating the kids is one of the best parts of getting the houses etc 😊

Direct family, yes - they’re all well enough off that it would be no issue, they’d be happy for us.

Friends - no, money is a difficult topic in many friendships and I’d not want to talk about it. It’s not a subject we habitually talk about with friends anyway, not beyond ‘wow, that’s gone up’ when shopping etc, very casual and general conversation only re money.

If a friend started driving a new car or their partner retired and a friend commented I might say ‘we’ve come into some money’. Would find it highly inappropriate for a friend to ask how much, if they did I’d say ‘none of your business!’ And would reconsider my friendship. X

Tell nobody nothing. If you do all of a sudden you’ll have best friends from everywhere hanging off you. If family need help that’s up to you. This is your business no one else’s, enjoy it

I certainly wouldn't as everyone would want to 'borrow' some and you'd never see it again -look at al thos Lottery winners who haven't been happy as every relative wanted something!

Some things are best just kept to yourselves in an off shore savings account!