Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

This

Absolutely not

@Catmandoude Every family is different though. My DH and his siblings all get on well, but I couldn't see any of them splitting a big inheritance.
Perhaps leaving them something in their Wills, but that's it.

No

I think the decision would be very much affected by the detail you aren't sharing with us.
Why has your dh inherited such a huge amount of money from a cousin, and been the sole beneficiary, when said cousin had a partner, and your dh has at least one brother ?

It just seems such an odd scenario all round, and knowing the history, or the reasons why he has got it all and his brother (or the partner) hasn't must have a baring on what I would do.

Absolutely wouldn’t, mainly because my sister is a fucking nightmare

@Catmandoude You are very lucky to have a sibling you love. Mine can get in the sea. Not all families are fortunate. She resents me and I absolutely loathe her.

If you have one sibling and the money is from a joint family member?? If there was a huge difference in wealth or I had kids and they didn’t maybe I would split it proportionally but no way would I keep it a secret from my sibling. They’ll find out anyway and most people would be really hurt. It’s seemingly a huge sum … I’d rather just have one holiday home than two tbh ( or personally none by choce but that’s not the point)

But the two brothers have a ‘side hustle’ together surely they are close?
Yes obviously if I couldn’t stand my sibling it would be different. I’m thinking they love each other!

agree

Phew I’m not an alien

@Catmandoude “with the potential to be disgruntled” is the key phrase there.

How much are we talking about ? I’m in a similar position not inherited though. If there is a chance someone will object to the will and sue rhen no. I paid off siblings mortgage and paid for holidays etc but why don’t know the amount. I would be inclined to tell her but not the specifics and swear her to secrecy. We had money so it’s easy to hide in that sense , much harder if you are not already as retiring early and buying new things will be noticed

Of course, because a life changing sum of money would enable us to also help our families.

Well if you were close to your sibling and a joint family member left you hundreds of thousands and your sibling got nothing you wouldn’t feel just a little disgruntled ? in all honesty? And if they kept it a secret and you found out later( because they will) how would you feel? Obviously if you dislike your sibling it wouldn’t matter.

I think you are over thinking how much other people will be curious enough to question your finances, and how much you need to tell people.

you have adult dcs, so it’s not that surprising you might be at the “wind down to retirement” stage.

But the fact that you think your sister and wider family will be curious enough to question this suggests you’ve got a long history of sharing the ins and outs of you and your DHs finances, that you’ve been indiscreet and told people for years what you earn, save, mortgage costs etc. there’s no reason anyone should know your finances that well to question why someone who’s DCs are grown can afford to go part time.

If they ask, you are under no obligation to tell them! Stop sharing financial information.

The chosen inheritor was obviously selected for a reason. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. Anything else is entitlement. The DH is right to keep quiet about it, he’s also withholding from his own DC. WHY? Because people turn into arseholes when there’s a sniff of money.

I’m glad haven’t got your family

Absolutely this.

You didn’t say how you would feel if you were the brother by the way?

And this.

As stated, my sibling and I don’t get on. She wouldn’t give me a penny and frankly I wouldn’t want to be beholden to her for anything, ever.

@Catmandoude I don't think anyone would find out unless they look up the Will.

It sounds as if her DH, who's the person inheriting, doesn't want to tell family members so in the OP's shoes, I'd respect his decision and keep quiet. Some families simply don't discuss money; my DH has no idea about his siblings' finances nor his parent's. The only thing he's ever kept an eye out for are any signs that his parents need to cut back, because if they were ever struggling, he'd want to help out. No signs so far.

I might not feel compelled to, so as not to trigger jealously and rage.
But it depends what you mean by life changing? Paying down a million pounds mortgage is mundane life changing, but buying a Riva 88 yacht is a big deal, and you might as well come clean about that 2nd option! 🤣🤣
If you can hide it I would, so as not to bring out the worst in folks.

I think my family would be a bit concerned if our lifestyle suddenly changed for no apparent reason and with no known promotions etc. So I’d tell them; but we already have a huge disparity of incomes and assets across our wider family anyway and it doesn’t alter how we treat each other, so I’d be fairly confident that he disclosure wouldn’t change anything.