Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

If it’s inherited, then wouldnt they know anyway?

I used to think if we came into life changing money I would tell them. But having been one of the few to earn decent money, and seeing how people react to that, I probably wouldn't. I'm constantly being told how other family members "don't have much", or being expected to do things like pass on a car when I'm upgrading (because they don't have much, so why wouldn't I gift it instead of selling it!?). Meanwhile those relatives are off on pretty expensive holidays, while I'm battling childcare fees and a massive mortgage (area, not house). But I "have more".

Why would you need to explain to your sister how you were affording part time work? You can say you're reducing your hours without giving her the ins and outs of your finances. I work part time, that's not hidden from my sister in the slightest but she doesn't know what financial decisions we've made for that.

With regards the property in the states, do they even need to know you have it? You could just be going on holiday, again, they don't need to know all the ins and outs of where you're staying or how you're affording travel.

Your finances are your business. You can just say you're doing something with some savings or invested funds or work bonuses or whatever if you really feel the need to.

Nope! Speaking from bitter experience, don’t tell anyone! If you have to explain not working anymore, or moving house. say something vague about you being able to afford it. It is no one’s business except yours and believe me, they will make it their business if you let them. If someone close gets nosey, just say in a conspiratorial way that DH is doing incredibly well at work, or that you are and that’s the end of it!

I think it can and does cause jealousy. I inherited a pretty life-changing amount of money (only child), and my extended family were aware, as they were related to my parent who died. I'm not sure their awareness could be avoided tbh, but there was a bit of weaponising later over it - a bit of 'well, you should do XYZ because you can afford to pay for that', which wasn't great.

In-laws also became aware. They were clearly very envious and quite snippy about it, given half the chance. I just ignored them (still do 😂) but that did feel quite unpleasant.

I think you know the answer if you are asking here. Some things are best kept private. This really is one of them - you risk upsetting some people, maybe people you have not really thought about - even your sister or closer people may be jealous sometimes jealousy is not shown but it is destructive.

I wouldn’t tell anyone.

There will be signs 😆😁

@EugenieGreen If you are in England the Grant of Probate and Will are public documents.

There is a chance a family member may obtain a copy and realise how much DH has inherited.

You and DH will know if anyone is likely to do this and how they would react.

I agree with your DH.

Someone I know did some research on inheritances/windfalls. They found that whereas most people say if they got a significant windfall they'd share it, of course; among people who actually get one, they share very little except with their own children.
They start thinking "well we could do this," or "I want to make sure my dc are okay first" and then they're not giving it away to others.

I wouldn't tell. Tbh with 3 dc and living in the SE if I got £1,000,000 my first thought would be that it would help them all buy a small house, just about it they were careful. Double that would get them a nice house, but not massive.

I wouldn't want family to know as among family we both have relatives who would think it was unfair, be very vocal about it, and feel we should give to them. The relatives who are struggling and could do with the help would be the ones that say "good for you," and don't ask for anything.
So if there was enough I'd love to be able to do a couple of things like secretly pay their mortgage off, but not if they had to know.

We had this. We did not tell. Not anyone’s business

Not millions but hundreds of thousands. Meant we could buy a house with a much bigger deposit but it’s no mansion or anything so no one is any the wiser.

I wouldn't but I might treat them to something and say I won a few bags...

No, I wouldn't, but if someone needed help then I'd step in, no qualms.

NO! For either of you!

No, jealous family can talk behind your backs. Even if they pretend to be happy for you. They'll want some money as well.. If you don't give em your tight, I'd you give em your skinny with your money. So no.

Money can make people jealous. You could treat them or help them out, but I wouldn't reveal how much has been inherited. Once said, you can never un-say it.

I feel like it is one thing to not tell about the inheritance but not being able to tell your family about anything that the money has provided for you. I know it is none of my busienss if my sibling buys a new house or quits their job. But if it was me, i would feel shit about hiding these things and if I found out that my subling had retired and not shared, I would assume we were not that close.

If it was a million. I could share £500k between everyone and keep £500k and both retire now instead of in 15 years. Still life changing for us. However if it was £250k then I would say nothing. Buy a flat to rent out and get an income and both go part time. No one would notice. If I tell family, they will all want a bit and then we would all be a little better off, soon feel back to normal and no life changing for the better.

My DH had this last year. He, almost unexpectedly, came in to a huge sum of money (he was expecting about 200k, he ended up with close to £1 million) I should point out it wasn’t an inheritance. We have told all our family (kids and our siblings) and have given each of our 4 children a large sum out of it.

As we’re in our 60s most of our siblings, like us, were already reasonably financially secure, houses paid for, secure pensions etc.

other than them, we have a told a few close friends. Everyone has been very happy for us.

I wouldn’t be telling all and sundry though.

Absolutely not.

Saying that, it would be so satisfying watching the ones that treated me like crap come out of the woodwork to beg, and telling them to get fecked.

It’s technically his money unless you are specifically named - it’s not your place to tell people unless he agrees. End of.

No.
If there was no way I could hide it eg I seriously upgraded my house, I'd say we'd inherited but only enough to buy the house and nothing else.

This kind of life change takes a long time to process. Your husband is right to be cautious. He needs to sit with it for at least six months and get used to the change in circumstances. Not telling anyone ever and not telling anyone for the time-being are two different things.
He may in time decide he wants to give the children and other relatives money but it is wise to wait for a bit and just get used to a new mindset. It sounds as if everyone is reasonably well-off already so keeping it quiet for a while should not be too difficult. He needs to do his research and take good advice, especially regarding his tax and residency position if buying abroad. Whatever he decides to do he should absolutely keep the total amount secret. It may be that the curious can look it up but he absolutely should not tell anyone but you the total amount. Once people know the amount they develop an odd sense of entitlement.

No I wouldn’t it’s my personal financial information why would need to share it with them; it’s none of their business x

I would not tell anyone. Money always brings resentment. I would like with the amount for a while before deciding anything.
I would be really angry if I was in this position and my DH told everyone before I have come to terms with this.