Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

I'd tell my family (unless he didn't want me to), but they wouldn't expect any of the money as it's his money. If I came into money, I'd also tell them as I would give them some of it.

Yes I would because the first thing we'd do with the money is repay their generosity.

I’d tell family I had inherited from whoever it was but not tell them how much.

Dh has just been given a large sum of money. Not life changing but incredibly helpful. We’re very grateful. We’ve both agreed not to mention it to anyone, definitely my parents as my mum especially wouldn’t be happy for us. She would just harp on about not being lucky enough to have money to give away.

My husband comes from a wealthy family, he is to inherit the business (farm) and land. All together it is about 2.5 mil. I have no intention of my family finding out how much it is all worth as they would hold out the begging bowls expecting handouts.

Some things are best kept quiet!

No, I wouldn't. Some people can be very funny where money is concerned, no matter how much you trust them, or how loyal you think they are. Proceed with caution...

No. I'd keep my cards close to my chest.

I would tell my immediate family, parents and siblings and DHs parents (he doesn't have siblings). They're not ponces so it would be fine. If it was really a lot, if like to do something to treat them. I wouldn't tell the wider family, distant cousins etc as there are a few who already have a reputation for going cap in hand having never worked.

Under these circumstances, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't give my brother some of it. This kind of stuff always comes out eventually and I"d rather have my brother in my life than him being (rightfully) hurt and it impacting our relationship. But I love my brother! Your DH might feel very differently and that's up to him.

I totally trust my family and BiL but feel that he has the potential to be disgruntled.

BiL met the partner of the late cousin at a family gathering a few years ago. They shared an interest so BiL would include them in trips etc around this interest.

My two older children have partners, my husband doesn’t want to share the news of this as he wants to see how trustworthy these partners are. He wants advice re: trusts etc before he tells the children.

I just can’t see how we can pull this off without attracting attention. Neither of us has jobs that require us to travel.

DH and BiL (and their cousin) even have a side hustle together.

It really depends how much you’re talking about. Millions you can’t get away with not mentioning probably and the person’s will should be publicly available if the executors apply for probate. So anyone can find out who cousin John left his money to.

Do you know if other family members also inherited? Are they having the same dilemma?

So is it the cousin your DH inherited from? Could they have thought BiL was interested in their partner?

Either way, just take your time and maybe don’t quit your jobs immediately? Tell people you’ve got a promotion or that DH has? Now requiring travel?

No. It's very clear to me that if a huge amount of money dropped into my lap, I would tell no one - because it would drastically alter all relationships. I would have told my mother, who was extravagantly generous to me - but she's dead, and there's no one else who deserves the truth.

Lol - I can just envision how relatives who have always ignored me would suddenly be calling with kindly solicitous inquiries about my health.

What I might do is, if I'd bought them a very nice gift, lyingly tell them I won a small lottery.

What has travel to do with it? Are you referring to a house in the USA? Is one of you from there? Are you in the UK?

And why has DH been left everything and BIL nothing? Has this been made clear in the will?

I see the issue with the kids partners, I have plans to do the same with my children to ensure that my money doesnt end up with any future partners instead of them. And as it is his money not yours, you need to do what he says. You can share as much as you like about any windfalls you get but you have no right to over rule his wishes on his inheritance.

I totally trust my family and BiL but feel that he has the potential to be disgruntled.

Well of course he will. He spent time with this cousin, perfectly genuinely, while your DH did not. Yet for some reason that I can't begin to fathom, the cousin left everything to his brother? This is head-mashing stuff. Forget the money, he's going to be questioning everything about the relationship he thought he had with his cousin. He'll be massively hurt by a snub that he'll never know the reason for, because that person has gone.

How do you feel about being married to a man who's happy to keep a vast windfall to himself, when his equally (if not more) deserving brother gets nothing @EugenieGreen ? He clearly has enough to share while still keeping a life changing amount, but he doesn't plan to. I think that's awful.

Is there any chance BIL might be keeping quiet too about having inherited himself? Or does your DH know for certain he was the sole beneficiary?

At risk of being crass, did their cousin know they were going to die or was it unexpected? Because if it were an old will, that would make more sense.

@EugenieGreen no don’t do it. It’s best in the long-term to have held your cards close to your chest.

I wish I could give this advice to my younger self.

Haha! Now I'm imagining the DH, his brother and their parents ALL inheriting loads of money and not telling each other. And then being "WTF you didn't tell me?!" when it all comes to light!

This says it all.

No, a few minor bequests but DH is main beneficiary.

Cousin involved in side hustle is not the same cousin who died.

In my day dreaming about 'when I win the lottery....', I've gone over this question a LOT of times in my thinking.

It always comes back to how much you mean by 'life changing'.

As a rule, my thinking is definitely not to tell anyone (except dh) anything at all for the first month or so whilst we have a good think about what we plan to do. Then (say it were £1m rather than Euro lottery winnings) I generally come to the conclusion I still wouldn't tell anyone, but when we were able to give people close to us some money, or, if we splashed out on something totally out of character, we'd probably vaguely say "we were lucky enough to win a little bit on the Premium Bonds / Lottery and wanted to be able to give you a bit / treat ourselves" but not actually say how much we'd won. ie make out the amount we won was all spent / accounted for.

I think the complication here is that there seems - on the surface - to have been some sort of perceived unfairness in the will in that your dh has come into a LOT of money, but his brother wasn't left any (if I've understood correctly?) so there is likely to be a lot of upset, hurt, and confusion when that gets out. So your dh has the 'burden' of trying to decide if he should just keep it or if even he can see that is grossly unfair and apply for a variation in the will.

Why is he the main beneficiary?

I think in your circumstance I would give a large chunk to BIL on the promise neither of you say anything to anyone else about it.

Maybe the cousin bequeathed to DH because he trusted him to do the right thing?

If I'd inherited it would seem odd if none of my sisters did too as we have the same relativesj. If DH inherits it would be down to him who he told. It would not be my inheritance so I'd only tell my family if he wanted me to.