Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

Probably not but I think in reality it would depend on the closeness and dynamic of those relationships, the amount and whether it was already in my intent to share the funds.

On the whole I would prefer to keep it private but equally I have a niece and nephew approaching their 20's and if I had the chance to do so would want to provide them with a deposit for a home, that they will not get from their own parents so obviously would have to give some sort of explanation for how that came about. I likely wouldn't disclose that the amount was very significant though, even if it was.

Ok so obviously your husband wants to keep it quiet in case family ( perhaps rightly !) feel he should share it ?

Definitely not.

No. It breeds resentment and never ends well.

No definitely not - you could say one of you had a bonus or something to explain any upgrades but I’d just go on nicer holidays at more up market resorts. If you tell people it will cause resentment.

I honestly don't know. I only have one close relative, my son, and would tell him.

You know your family, whether or not they are likely to want money from you or be resentful of your good fortune. If the answer to either is,"Yes", don't tell them.

Treat them to something nice but discreetly.

Yes, I’d tell. They would notice I was living a wildly different life and I’m not interested in lying about why that is. Plus I’d want to share some of it with them.

No. DH inherited enough to pay off our mortgage and more, we didn’t share the news with anyone. We are however more generous with gifts at Christmas, birthdays etc.

No, but that's because they never shared with me.
I would probably give everything to my children anyway.

Not a huge amount but I got left 10k.. told my best mate .suddenly it became the norm I paid for coffee. Then she never had change for the carpark...at the soft play she started standing back 'allowing 'me to pay. Coffees oit became lunches at her suggestion but she never offered to pay. Not even her share.
One day she turned up driving a green Mercedes convertible with private plate.
What a fucking mug I felt.
I backed away and she made no attempt to find out why.

After 8 years.

I would 100% not say anything.
I wouldn't offer the information.

But if your husband is going to be a twat and throw money about the place, suddenly inexplicably retire, then I would be clear that I will not be lying to anyone.
Any questions will be "ask husband".
He is the ond causing the questions to arise by being flash.

He will be the one causing speculation.
This will be worse when it comes out and ye never said a thing.
Lying is not an option IMO.

My preference would be to come up with some explanation.

Surely this will come out eventually after probate.

I think that it’s going to be hard not telling close family if your lifestyle change that much.

I don’t know how old your dcs are but if they are teenagers, even more so if they’re heading to Uni, I would tell them too. Not the least to avoid miscommunication, like them let’s say thinking they have to get a job because you can’t lay when you actually do but want them to learn to stand in their two feet.

So whilst I agree I wouldn’t tell everyone, I feel practicalities mean that, at some point, he is going to have to tell his parents and brother.
Unless you dint change your lifestyle. He carries on working in the same job etc….

I would have said yes, absolutely until very recently. Even though my father has enough money (and more) to get me out of a predicament he hasn't. Absolutely his right but I also know that if I won any money then he would definitely expect me to share it. So NO - I would tell my brother and no-one else. Congrats x

No

It also sounds like it’s a fairly recent inheritance, and very unexpected.

Your husband may change his mind about who he wants to know in future, but right now his life has just changed in a monumental way. The landscape of his life, and the future as he envisioned it have fundamentally changed, and that’s a lot to get your head around. He’s now got to figure out how to handle these new circumstances both practically and emotionally. He’s most likely overwhelmed, and the last thing he’s going to want to deal with right now is the wider family knowing and potentially causing problems. He needs time to get his footing.

Also, your family being comfortably off doesn’t mean they won’t react poorly or expect a share. It’s always a risk, and one people can be very naive about.

That’s what you think. They will turn on you. And hate your guts. Don’t do it.

@LilacReader im in a similar place. Until recently, I’d have said I would have told my parents of course!
But I’ve widen up on their behaviours. Theres been a few ‘clashes’ and I just dint feel I’d trust them with the information. Nothimg to do with them asking money. Everything with the fa t I strongly suspect theyd change their behaviour towards me.

But I would tell my dcs. In big part because a life changing sum of money would mean I’d be in the position of helping them more iyswim.

@EugenieGreen what sort of relationship does your dh have with his parents and siblings? Because the difference between your and his approach might well come from that.

As a pp said, once probate has been granted, the will becomes available publicly. So if your BIL was thinking to himself 'I wonder who great uncle Fred left his mansion to?' he might decide to go online to get a copy of the will. Would it then cause more resentment towards your DH that he had kept quiet about the inheritance than if your DH told him?

not a chance after the debacle with a close family members money after he died without a will. put it this way my sister showed me who she really was in the aftermath of his death. so no i would absolutly not tell them. my mother is ill with terminal illness if it wasnt for that i would of walked away.

No. I don’t think finances is something that should be talked about in general. They’re not part of your household so it has no affect on them so why do they need to know?

I meant share the inheritance rather than the information. I think sharing information is often done to alleviate guilt and doesn't help the recipient at all

In this scenario I’d do a deed of variation and a small but nice amount to my children and sibling’s children, and the rest split equally with my sibling.

Absolutely not. It’s not their business and if he tells them it will cause resentment, entitlement and will change the dynamics of their relationships evermore.

When probate is granted a will becomes a public document so any inquisitive family members could order a copy

Yes because my family is close & if it was life changing then my life would actually change & people would wonder how I afforded my new house etc.