Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

Don’t do it!

If you inherited £50k that wouldn’t change your life (even though it’s loads) you wouldn’t be able to quit your job and actually have your life change. It would pay for some big things/help a lot, but it wouldn’t change your life.

Since OP mentioned buying multiple properties plus being able to quit his job, I would imagine it’s in the millions, maybe £2?

No we didn't. Oh people made a stab at guessing how we'd moved to a much bigger house which was funny because we'd actually saved and did without holidays, cars etc to buy that.

The inheritances were invested at the time.

The DB will be upset so I wouldn't tell him.

As for your family @EugenieGreen just don't it's none of their business.

You can help out your children as and when the time is right.

I think it depends on you life stage. £50k in my 40s would have meant the mortgage paid off, giving much more flexibility in what I did for work. £50k now could supplement my investment income and enable me to retire 3/4 years before the current plan. So yes, life changing.

I’d tell them and give them something or treat them. Depending on how much I’d inherited. But we get on well and if I did come into money I’d want to spend some of it on other people.

Keep the news to yourselves.

Your husband inherited a distant relative that his brother was closer to, now he doesn't want to tell anyone about it so his brother won't find out that husband got everything?

I would tell them but minimize the amount

No, I would not - certainly not initially and after much thought.

I would seriously consider whether doing a DOV is appropriate. It is quite odd his brother is not inheriting equally. Very divisive without good reason. I would look at the family tree and think about who potentially could’ve inherited under intestacy law. Sounds like he barely knew this relative so why him?

If he isn’t going to share then I would definitely be more discreet with spending until 55/57 at least. Presumably anyone will be able to look up the will after probate and see who ‘uncle Bob’ left it to if they want to. It will probably come out eventually.

I wouldnt

That is a matter of opinion and circumstances. Area of the country matters too.

For some a life changing amount would be getting a house deposit.
For others it would be paying the house off.
And for others it would be a sum that enable them to retire and go a round the world cruise.

Absolutely not no way. It just leads to resentment and envy.

We did inherit a lot when my mum died. My brother and sister know because they got the same amount. Mum's brother knows because he was a joint executor. My DC know because we split it evenly with them.

Apart from that we haven't mentioned amounts to any family or friends. Our finances are not their business.

No, I wouldn’t say a word.

My sister doesn’t speak to me, and I’m happy with that, but she’d all of a sudden need me in her life and want to be my best friend if she thought I had money. I’ve been had over by her too many times in the past so I’ve learnt my lesson. My dad would just tell me to be wise with it, my mum would be spiteful but my brother wouldn’t careless.

Nope never.

Partly because my money is my business and secondly because where there is any decent amount of money about someone will be on the scrounge. Tell one person and it word will inevitably get out, thats when the comments and scrounging starts. "Oh @EugenieGreen should pay, they can afford it ha ha only joking [not really]". I know someone who won a decent amount on the lottery, not 7 figures but enough to buy a bigger house outright and have good savings. Word got out after they moved and they had it happen, it affected relationships. Family expecting much more generous gifts and to pay for meals out etc

Best not to.

If you want to give them a little bit of money, tell them you came into a small amount/ got a bonus at work or similar and want to give them a gift.

If you don’t plan to give them anything, don’t say anything at all, unless you need to explain a lifestyle change.

Even then, bonus at work is a good one as people don’t seem to feel they have a right to share that!

I’m super nosey… how much are we talking?!

Id tell my family as they’d not expect a penny, however my husbands family are money grabbers!

you could make up a story that wasn’t inheritance but explained your turn of fortune somewhat - like a pp suggested - premium bond win / small lottery win / investment that’s turned good etc. no one needs to know amounts or the fact that he was chosen to inherit.

I suppose it depends what you mean by life changing. I’d say the 6 figures my husband got was life enhancing rather than changing. We have no mortgage now and can put more in savings but we still have to work.

I am confused. Did DH inherit but his brother not and DH is worried about his brother and your family knowing?

DP's family? No problem, he could tell them if he asked first.

People I have a small amount of DNA in common with? No chance. They've not given a shit about me since I selfishly survived birth and decided that the fact I seemed bothered about the only truly nice one of them dying was because I wanted money out of it. I didn't want any, so I'm thinking that was actually their motivation for being around at the time.

I have zero interest in any of them suddenly remembering that I exist the moment there's the possibility of wheedling some dosh out of the lonely kid they wished dead, anymore than the attentions of an ex boyfriend or two who would inevitably suddenly have the idea of 'seeing how you're doing', 'having a coffee and some closure, just as friends' would appeal to me.

It would of it led to you being stuck in the middle of his family pestering you both for money/loans etc.

Ultimately it's the beneficiary who gets to decide, but first I'd want there to be a calm and rational discussion about what could go wrong if he told his family, and how we could prepare for that possibility before spilling the beans.

I am a Chartered IFA and very few adult children really know the finances of their parents. Why would they?

OP, when you say ‘life changing’, what does that mean? For some that’s 500k, but you seem to suggest several million. I think that’s harder to hide, but no one needs the details.

Okay. I've read further. DH gets all this person's money, and his brother, who actually took the time to visit this person while DH didn't, gets nothing? That's really grim.

I recently came into a windfall that by rights, should have come to both me and my brother. So I gave him half. It was the morally right thing to do, and though it's nowhere near the kind of money that you seem to be talking about, @EugenieGreen , it's been life-changing for my brother, due to his circumstances.

In your place is be ashamed of DH. I really would.

No. At least not until I’d thought about it carefully and had my plans in place.

If I ever won life changing money that others learned about ie being a lottery winner then I’d only help friends and family who are friends now in my poor state lol.