Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

No I wouldn't but its up to DH really given he's inherited. If my own relations asked cos maybe we'd changed cars, home or something noticeable, then I'd play down any substantial amounts. Leave it vague/discreet

No ones business but your own.

What’s life changing? Are you going to move to a house with a mansion and servants or payoff your mortgage? If obvious, then you will have to say something but if not, then keep quiet.

Depends completely on your relationship with them. I’d want to share the joy and treat them to a holiday/cash etc.

Why are people so stingy?

No because it's his inheritance and you discussing it with anyone but him is not on. I've had this happen recently and although the person who inherited and other half agreed with what was happening with it, it was clearly stated by the other half that it was the inheritor's business to tell or not tell anyone.

If we inherited a lot from DH’s family, no I can’t see why it would come up with my family (and vice versa).

Don't do it, it will only breed resentment. I've lost two family members because they believe I should support them financially despite receiving other substantial inheritances themselves. They don't work due to family trauma, and I do, so I should support them. We all experienced the trauma and arguably (not even arguable actually) I received the brunt of it.

I know things are tough for them but they don't seem to understand that if I give them tens of thousands of pounds I will have to work even longer when actually I really struggle, again thanks to the trauma! They seem to see it as a completely inconsequential act.

Also, don't tell people generally, they may even make you feel guilty by saying if they had it they would do x y and z charitable things. It is always so easy to spend OTHER people's money.

Exactly this. If life changing means enough to pay off the mortgage and a bit left for a special holiday, nobody else needs to know you've paid off the mortgage, and a holiday can be explained away by a work bonus/hard saving/a family gift. If you're going from minimum wage jobs and council accommodation to footballer's mansion and private schools for the kids, you'll probably need to do a bit of explaining.

Totally dependent on your family and what you want to do with the money. If you have family members who would consider a windfall as almost a family windfall and make suggestions about what should be done with the money or expect a share, I'd be staying quiet. It wouldn't stop you be generous as and when you wanted to be.

I'd say 'caw canny' (go carefully and think through every part of it).

e.g you got an inheritance from great aunt Doris. You tell people that you got this inheritance and you'd like to treat everyone to a once-in-a-lifetime holiday to the Caribbean... Fantastic, generous. But they will be able to look up the probate records and see f*&@ing hell, they got £4m, and they only gave us a lousy holiday!

We did, but we kind of had to because it was so obvious. Only close family though (parents), not anyone else

Our parents and siblings are not grabby, they are all comfortably off in the sense that they are middle-class professionals who work.

The person came to our wedding and I saw them in passing on one further occasion. DH knew them as a child, in more recent years DH’s brother had spent slightly more time with them as the deceased’s partner and he shared a hobby (more of an interest). There is no suggestion that BiL bothered with them in order to inherit anything but DH thinks there is potential for resentment.

I am close to my sister (and my brother )and share most things with her.

I will do nothing to upset my DH or go against him in any way but I think he is being incredibly naive to think he can retire early and buy a house in The States and possibly another house and not have family and in-laws questioning.

Our two elder children now have partners so DH does not want our children involved in any conversations either.

Sorry to those who pointed out the voting. Completely forgot about it.

Maybe. My sil inherited a life changing amount from an childless aunt, who didn't leave anyone else anything. No reason why, she didn't see her more often or anything, just must have been a favourite. Sil bought a house.
Other sil was furious, as she thought the money was from their parents. After a huge row, inheriting sil explained it all.

Nailed it.

There we go.

So, you've inherited £250k. Before that you were on track to just about retire at 68. Now you can retire at 58. You hate your job. Do you give your sibling £50k? It's only 20%, you'd have a whole £200k left for yourself after! It would mean you have to work another two years in the job you hate though... How do you feel about it now? Okay just 10% so another year in your job... And now?

If he thinks the issue will be who it came from then tell them it came from your side

DH has received two life changing amounts, one smaller and one larger. We didn’t say anything for the first although I suspect family guessed due to us moving and their knowledge of our circumstances but we did for the bigger amount as we wanted to give people money.

Well unless he starts talking about his multiple houses how would anybody know about them.

If he wants to retire early he can make up some story about being offered a golden package at work because you know he found some stuff out shh 🤐 🤫 👀

I would say I had inherited a significant sum but wouldn't say how much. People are obviously going to notice when you move, get new car, travel, cut down on/give up work. Not that this a problem I will ever have to wrestle with!

NO!!

Not your news to tell!

I don't have siblings but I wouldn't tell my cousins. I'd tell my mum.

How many siblings has DH got?

I can completely understand his predicament and concern.

Would he not share it with his DB?

Still don't really understand OP, sorry. So a relative of your DH's has left him a very substantial inheritance, but not your BIL. They were arguably closer to your BIL? Do you/DH know why they left things in their will this way, had they fallen out with BIL?

And you/DH have decided definitely you're not sharing the money with BIL, yes?

I do think you are right to say there's going to be some questions if you are conspicuously spending the money, I guess (unless you post it on social media etc) they won't necessarily know you've bought properties, perhaps your DH could just 'be in the states on business' without telling them why (although that wouldn't fly in our families as none of us have the kind of jobs that entail routine international travel so that alone would attract questions). There's a chance depending on how close you are and how discreet you can be with the spending they won't find out but really depends how much money relative to your previous financial status and what you plan on doing with it to know if that's realistic...

Personally I wouldn't feel able to lie to family (ILs or my own family) and say it was a work bonus or lottery win or something, at a push I'd agree to a lie of omission and just say 'we got a windfall' if asked, without volunteering any details, but TBH in our families that kind of caginess would be so unusual that they'd 100% assume it was something dodgy and they'd assume the worst so we might as well tell them that rich Uncle Bob cut them out rather than have them assume we'd taken to money laundering or sold a kidney or something! And definitely if there's any chance they'll find out from some other source I'd rather tell them myself (or have DH tell them) than have them find out from someone else...