Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

We’d both tell my mum but not sure about anyone else. We’d immediately build a massive extension so other people might wonder how we were able to do it…

For me, a ‘life changing’ amount of money would be enough to be able to afford to retire immediately. And if I did inherit (or win) that much money, that is exactly what I would want to do. Therefore I wouldn’t have much option but to explain to my family why I was suddenly & unexpectedly able to give up work.

God no. Life changing for just me? No I'd keep it completely to myself. And if asked say the house was on a mortgage, car on finance, or that we'd got it cheap as a non runner and done it up. I would absolutely not let anyone know that we were "flush" even if your siblings wouldn't come after you for money ATM. There will always be some emergency, there will always be some cheeky friend they didn't mean to tell.

The only people I I would tell if I had money to also help others is one of my brother's and sil. Because I'd give them the deposit for a house and they wouldn't tell anyone or ever ask for another penny. I still wouldn't tell them the full amount either. I would tell my mum we were thinking of buying a buy to let and thought if she chose the house she could rent it off us at the mortgage rate which would be stupidly cheap and then I'd put that aside and use it to pay for holidays for her. Because if she knew, she would tell her husband and my sisters and quite frankly we'd end up getting literally robbed off them lot.

Whatever his thoughts are is the correct decision as it's his inheritance.

@canklesmctacotits nails it.

Think before you speak

No

Noooooo not unless you want the vultures to start circling. You might not think your family is money orientated but boy, a large sum can bring out the absolute WORST in people you never expected it to.

Just look at the absolute chaos it can cause to lottery winners as one example.

Stay completely scrum is my advice.

No - the whole world and its brother will then come out the woodwork asking for money.

No, we'd help them out but as far as they were concerned the money would have been earned by us in some capacity. If there were questions about us having more money available (which would be normal in both of our families, we're usually pretty open about money) I'd say DH had developed and sold a bit of software or something along those lines.

I know someone who won a 7 figure amount and he told his family and it caused nothing but trouble with his 2 children because he wouldn't give them a large amount to fritter away as they were late teenagers.
He and his wife kept it until he was ready to buy them a property 3/4 years after but did pay for a decent long haul holiday for them.

If you don't tell them, I suppose it might look a bit odd when you pop off to the Maldives for a month for a bit of r and r. But really, it's no-one else's business. It sounds like your DH has inherited - not a case of you inheriting but not your siblings. Personally, I wouldn't. Which side are you on?

Nope, wouldn't tell a soul.

It’s pretty well known that most lottery winners end up either miserable or broke as family and friends come calling…

Is this life changing as in you’re now landed gentry, or life changing that your mortgage is paid off/can retire immediately? How would telling them affect their lives?

He gets the say no to telling anyone about his inheritance.
You get to say no about telling your family.

So he can’t tell your family if you don’t want him to. You can’t tell them if he doesn’t want you to.

Things sometimes get clearer with time- you may be able to allocate the money to something that means yes, you do explain that ‘DH had a windfall last year’. Until then, no. Stay mum.

No. To be fair, I wouldn't tell anyone, because it's nobody else's business. Also, discussing money is a bit vulgar, tbh. Just get on with your lives - no need to talk about it.

I mean it all really depends on the exact circumstances, who has died, who are they to you/DH, why has no-one else in the family inherited etc. And it wouldn't be a one size fits all, what I would tell my Mum for instance might be very different to what I'd say to nosey-parker third cousin Margaret. And when you say life changing will it be obviously life changing i.e. are you going to have to account for why there's now a gold plated yacht on your driveway or more subtly so eg paying off the mortgage or establishing a good pension fund that won't really be visible different to family members. And finally there's a difference (in my family anyway) between (a) being honest if asked questions, (b) quietly/in confidence telling some people good/bad personal news and (c) making a proactive public announcement to the whole family (I know in some families the one is in effect the same as the others but I'm very grateful that (most of) my family are reasonably discreet and sensitive, won't push for more answers than you're comfortable to give and will keep their mouths shut if asked not to share. We do have a few family members the above very much does not apply to though hence it making a difference who I'm talking to 😁

Generally my family's approach is that while money isn't taboo per se, we don't talk specifics and certainly we don't do anything that could approach a brag as that is unforgivably crass according to our code - so a conversation with says cousins/aunts and uncles could take a turn to say when we plan to retire, and I might mention that we were super lucky (and very humbly grateful) to have received an inheritance from DH's great aunty Mabel that means we're able to plan to retire a bit sooner than otherwise - wouldn't share the amount either of the inheritance or our now pension fund or anything like that. With my siblings and more immediate family they probably are just that a bit more interested so we'd share more details like when exactly am I retiring, what is the carat plating on my (imaginary, I hasten to add) gold yacht and did I consider the platinum option blah blah so they probably would be able to more accurately estimate the level of the inheritance than more distant family would, just because we're more naturally into the minutae of each others' lives. Any one of us could probably guess each others net worth fairly accurately if we really wanted to, but we don't need to really. And I guess if for some reason they asked the direct question 'how much did you inherit' I'd answer, they wouldn't ask though, I don't think we're unusually sensitive and etiquette driven, although judging by the previous answers perhaps we are?

No. It may cause issues long term.

I think this is sensible.

NEVER let on about precise amount, say "did well" or "substantial". After you have bought the private aircraft.

If I have learnt one thing from mumsnet, it is that inheritances provoke seriously cheeky fuckery from families and friends and you should say zilch.

To be fair ive also learnt that no is a complete sentence, the value of feminism, and that some men wash their winkies in a cup.

But still, the first thing seems relevant....

It entirely depends on what your relationship is like with your parents and siblings.

If you were raised in care or they have form for asking for money or stealing from you, then I wouldn’t.

But if it’s life changing then I assume it’s going to be quite difficult to hide and so therefore I’d say I inherited a lesser amount.

As it is DHs money though I would let him have the last say on who he’s comfortable telling.

Yes because it's part of my life and will have some impact on my choices, it's relevant and my family communicate with each other about all sorts. Also, we live in the same county as both sets of parents and I don't know how or why we'd hide it or lie by omission. Also, my family wouldn't be asking for money from us. Finally, this will never ever happen to me so it's all an imagination game.

No unless you want to see how people will change. You will be the target of jealousy/gossip from some or all those people and very likely be regarded as a soft touch for a loan ( free gift). Don't know what the amount is but keep the details private. No good will come of sharing the news of your windfall.

So your dh has inherited a large amount of money and doesn’t want you to tell your family, but you want to tell them, is that right? Why do you want to tell them? Will you be sharing the money? To show off? Or will it be because your lifestyle is going to change and you want them to be prewarned /not concerned about your new spending?

I think why you want to tell them matters. Also how likely it is they will ask for money:question lifestyle changes.

you can just say that you’ve inherited a bit from DHs parents/great aunt etc without saying how much if they ask how you’re paying for something.

Once you say something then you can never take it back but you can always say something in the future if you want to.

If you’re not sure, don’t say anything.

God no! As soon as folk know you have money, they change towards you