AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

[Weejayy]

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

Why has her relationship broken up?

I guess you don’t need to ask directly but just say that he said he was at yours this morning….and see what she says?!

is it normal for him to get up and go without saying goodbye?

was he actually in town when he said he was, or still at Cathy’s (on find my).

only you know him so it’s hard to really assess. But if your gut is telling you something is off then it probably is.

Ask her. Tell her he was being weird and lying to you and I ly admitted it when he had to.

@Weejayy Your dh is making his moves right after her breakup. I would ask to see her for a coffee and talk about your suspicions. If they are not having an affair it's just him being emotionally invested and trying to and she should know that. If she's not interested she will be disgusted with him trying to make a move while she's vulnerable.

Yes you should ask her.

Actually you have no idea whether he was lying or not.
He said he left his phone at her house but did he?? You have no way of knowing.
But the fact he left, didn’t keave you a note? Then didn’t answer his phone, not even when he checked your message and saw you had been ringing him several times?

Sorry, but I think you’d be naive to take what he said as the truth.

I don’t think it means he is having an affair though. He might not YET.
But at the very least he is bring very interested and VERY SECRETIVE about it. And the last part being the most concerning about it all.

Yeah, sorry OP but the oats on the window sill weren’t the only ones.

You need to ask Cathy

Don’t accuse her of anything, but him… yeah he getting his oats at hers. Tell her and see how she reacts. But, why did her relationship break down?

Sorry. I didn’t mean that to be so dismissive. I am sorry that he is behaving like this, but there really isn’t an innocent explanation. I think you know that though.

Oh, she was involved with this guy who just couldn’t make up his mind. He’d split up with her a year ago. Then wanted her back and she really liked him so took him back. Then took her to meet his parents and then dumped her a week later saying he wanted to stay single. Bit of an ass really.

Cathy’s newly single, and he’s interested. Sorry OP, I think that’s what’s happening 💖

I wouldn’t ask Cathy, but I would keep a very close eye on your husband.

Perfectly nice, perfectly normal people have affairs every day.

He left some overnight oats on her windowsill? Is this some kind of euphemism?

Not sure running was the only exercise going on there......

I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but thanks for the giggle anyway 🤭

how do you both know her? Is she more his friend or yours?

The whole thing is bizarre. Waking up and him out and not knowing where he is is crazy in itself, and saying he is ‘getting on with his day’ what on earth is that? Are you normally so disconnected or is this new behaviour?

Ask her. He may be making a complete tool of himself over a vulnerable woman who sees him as a happily married man who is being supportive.

Who become friends with Cathy first and in what context?

I agree about sowing his overnight oats. Sorry. He went over to shag her, not run with her.

I doubt they're shagging already, she might not even be interested - but I'd say he is. He is definitely very interested.

I reckon he's trying to make a move on her and she's unaware - hence telling you about the oats.
If she wasn't lovely (your description of her) she could be telling you in an attempt to get him found out so you kick him out and he chooses her.

Is he the 'rescuer' type?

I think it's a bit odd he just goes out for hours very early, without telling you where he's going. And then is cagey when asked. He sounds a bit sus. He's definitely interested in Cathy.

I don’t think Cathy is interested. Your husband is on the hunt.

I would ask her, and make it clear it is inappropriate.

She may think it is very sweet and innocent but your husband isn't being ultra nice, he is being creepy to a woman in an emotionally vulnerable place and then lying to you.

There is no way any of this is normal!

He will just get more sneaky in covering it all.up.now.