AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

[Weejayy]

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

The whole thing would give me the massive ick. Even if nothing’s going on and Cathy’s not interested in him, the fact he’s sniffing around like a dog looking for a bone is grim.

‘Lovely’ people do this shit all the time unfortunately. Theres a woman who I work with, always been butter wouldn’t melt lovely lady. The last year or so she’s brazenly having an affair with a senior manager who is married (he is a serial cheat) she is also married with two primary school ages kids

Leaving overnight oats for someone is bizarre in itself

He’s either having an affair with Cathy or he’s going to give you the “yes I lied but only because I knew you’d be mad with jealousy and kick off so it’s actually all your fault but I forgive you “ spiel

Cathy is a more strategic thinker than OP's husband.

Of course it’s weird.

Why not just leave a note to say he’s gone out for a run.

The fact that he didn’t tell you and was shady about it is just plain suspicious.

But once you feel the need to have a tracker and then check it, you know the relationship is dead.

Especially if it’s in a different city too!

He's SHAGGING

Don't second-guess, don't think of any other options, don't accept any crap. Tell him to go and stay with Cathy until he's sorted this shit out.

Let him do it again - act like you have no suspicions at all - but when this happens you can go and knock on Cathy's door and ask how her oats are, in person.

It is not a bit suss, it's really REALLY suss.

Who goes to someone's house at 6am?
Doesn't answer their phone
Lies about where they are
Lies about where they have been
And then stumbles and flusters when asked.

I don't know your relationship, so can't guess the best way to approach this, but I can't read this and not agree with the other posters who are almost certain that your DP is cheating. I'm sorry.

Sorry, what in the fuck are overnight oats?!

They are delicious. Put oats, yogurt, milk and a bit of maple syrup (plus I put walnuts, raisins and blueberries in mine) in a tub in the fridge overnight. Next day, consume.

Do we have the same husband?

Definitely an affair.
Sorry.
Legal advice etc etc.

I’d ask your lovely neighbour, ‘John’s been a bit odd recently. He isn’t bothering you is he? He has form…’.

The only way it isn't an affair is if Cathy is unwilling. It's perfectly possible that she thinks your husband is just being a supportive friend.

He, on the other hand, is definitely reacting to "finding out she’d been through a bad break up" by sniffing around her like a predator hoping to exploit any vulnerability. Yuk.

What a berk messing so close to home. There a zillions of women out there. Why pick someone you know?

He’s definitely TRYING to shag her. She may not be interested though.

Well if it smells like a fish...

I definitely think it’s more that he’s trying to.

Not to derail the thread but I loved the idea of overnight oats mixed with fruit, honey etc. Made it once and my god, I now always caution anyone on eating uncooked oats. I don't have a sensitive stomach or anything but that was hell.

Anyway oats aside, OP, this is very suspicious.

Did he leave the overnight oats on the windowsill during the heatwave? Because that would be extremely foolish and would most definitely cause a tummy upset.
Who gifts overnight oats? At most you’d grab a pot from Pret if you are meeting a friend for a breakfast meeting. But to gift, home made overnight oats???? Very personal. It’s something you’d prepare for yourself and your family only, or if you have people staying over.

Sorry but your husband wants to pursue a relationship with Cathy. If you want to save your marriage you have to ask him to stop meeting her. Btw she is not your friend, or certainly my friends would be telling my married husband to get home to his wife.

Oh dear it looks like he’s trying really, really hard on his relationship with Cathy. It will all depend on how receptive Cathy is to his overtures.
I would turn up at Cathy’s when he’s next there or have a word with her as soon as possible.
Then I would have a full and frank discussion with H.
He’s behaving like a fool - if it was innocent he wouldn’t be evasive and lie to you.
This relationship with Cathy has to end or if he’s reluctant you will know exactly where you stand.