AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

[Weejayy]

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

He sounds very sneaky. Its the lying I'd have a problem with.

I explained that I felt it had stopped being an innocent friendship when he decided to lie to me about it.

Absolutely BRAVO to this, OP. I hope the silly fucker sorts it out. Getting to the bottom of why he thought lying might be a good idea...

@ITMA2000 , Your link isn't right.

The trouble is, once they've lied to you (no matter how "innocently") it puts doubt in your head for everything. I hope that you can work through things.

You're not being unreasonable to not want them together alone. If he isn't a complete sleaze bag and actually cares about you, he will be happy to do that for you, no questions.

Just don't let any future doubts eat you up inside. Talk about it.

How long have they been running together? They share an interest, they have had time to get to know each other, they have had time to make plans. Sorry x

You've done the correct thing to tell him to stop seeing him without you.

He had better ensure that he values his friendship with you and his marriage with you before he begins valuing friendships with other women.

Get round there to Cathy's and have it out with her. If she caves you'll know it's true. And then deal with HIM...

If my husband behaved like this and we were pre children, there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever have a family with him.

As far as I am concerned he is a liar and on the prowl.

If your friend was an unattractive lump like me, would he be up making overnight bloody oats?

Would he heck🙄.

He's sneaky, and dishonest.
Rethink this relationship.
This will not be the last time this happens.
He has 100% shown you who he is.

I think it’s also a case of boundaries:

Id not feel comfortable with my husband going out for early “runs” with another woman

I’d not feel comfortable with my husband dropping off overnight oats for breakfast for another woman.

My hubby makes me brekkie, that I do condone 😇

He’d very quickly not be my husband if he broke these boundaries.

You shouldn't describe yourself as an unattractive lump. There are men who literally seek out women who consider themselves as you describe. Hold your head up. Your as attractive as you portray & carry yourself 😉😊

I think that once they start lying to you, it’ll never be the same again, as you won’t know if he is still lying but being more careful.

You are kind.
I really don't see myself like that, well perhaps only when it it's 30 degrees and humid🙄.

My point is men are invariably VERY selective about whom they are kind and thoughtful towards.

Its rarely middle aged Mabel and usually young fit Sophie that inspires them🤨

Kind and thoughtful random behaviour like overnight bloody oats, doesn't come naturally to me in my experience from men.

More like seeking to sow random bloody oats.!

Any update @Weejayy?