AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

[Weejayy]

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

One way or another, up to no good.

“Cathy, it’s me, it’s Heathcliff, I’ve popped some oats on your window, I hope that’s okay”.

No no no - I’m sorry to make light of what must feel like a pretty horrible situation. It sounds as though you’ve handled it perfectly and your husband has listened well enough. Wishing you well for whatever happens next x

Round and round the windy park,
We'd run around in the dark,
You lost your boyfriend, I said "there there"
And pretended to care...

Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy
I've come home, I'm so cold
Put your oats all over the window

Yes. I wouldn't feel seduced by something to keep me regular.

Constipated Cathy. Oat dude to the rescue. So romantic.

Anyone think ITMA 2000 is the husband 🙃

Yes, or a woman who has never met a man. Famous for being kind to women they find unattractive, men as a class. “Oh, I don’t want to fuck you, here is some breakfast I made for you”.

Definitely a man anyway

I've known a few 'Kathys' She's left a relationship because he wasn't committed. She wants to settle down and Im assuming as soon as possible if she's wanting a family? Is your husband the quickest way for her to achieve this goal?

he has a garmin which syncs with strava I’m assuming - any runners can correct me if that’s not how it works!

Worth considering!

Yes he doesn't need his phone to record a run. I always record on my garmin watch, never take my phone on a run.

Because, my dear, it never stops there!

The Script will help you get a heads up, if anyone can post a link to it

So he’s disappeared up her crack and left her some oats overnight..

The script: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1527705-Midlife-crisis-this-is-the-script

I’ve been in a very similar situation as you and my ex was most definitely doing more than running with the creature I considered my best friend.
He even left me for her and she then rejected him!
He is still my ex lol. And she’s no longer in my orbit of friendship and family.
I truly hope that you can find peace and move on from two cretins who don’t deserve your respect and time

Just being realistic. She can't help being cute, he can't help looking at her. What was that old song "Can't take my eyes off of you, you are too good to be true, I want you so much"? It's just the old love at first sight which can never be ended (and should never be ended)

Frankie Valli or Andy Williams (written by Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio) and your quote is not right.

Well, I don't know what is right or wrong, but the youngsters seem : Look t this:

If he left his phone and bag at hers, how did he go swimming- naked- liberal swimming baths in your area? If he picked up his phone and bag from hers before going swimming, why didn’t he respond to your messages? You need to be checking the times. A 7k run would take less than an hour to complete, barely 40 minutes if he’s quick. 3 hours for a 7k run and a few laps of a pool still leaves time unaccounted for and doesn’t explain why he ignored your messages/missed calls.

I still call BS. He agreed a little too easily to your request to not think he’s just relieved you’ve accepted the story and will work out how to still see Cathy later. If they are in a running club together, is he going to leave the club?

And we haven’t even gotten into the fact that this story involved making plans with two friends for met-ups before 9am and not bothering to mention it to you? Do you normally lead separate lives where he leaves without waking you, to go places he hasn’t mentioned to you while ignoring your calls?

The photos of the swimming is most perplexing, what grown man takes photos of his mate swimming? This feels the most made up. As I said though, even if he’s now being honest, check the times. At her house they could get up to all sorts and only need a few minutes. The fact he can account for half the time is no evidence at all.

The fact he panicked and lied is telling you everything you need to know. If the morning was so innocent he would have instantly said “oh I went for a run with way Cathy and then straight on to swimming and didn’t think to check my phone.” Not difficult. His fumbling around an explanation tells you there is something less innocent about it.

Agree with @Poppyfie1ds and especially about the selfies at the swimming pool with a mate unless they’re for Cathy’s benefit!

Completely agree. Fishy as Salmon

I had a friend who was being approached by a married man (who she considered a good acquaintance) and one of the things he did initially was leave little 'innocent' gifts on her front step. She just thought it was a nice gesture at first (it was covid and she was living alone) it soon became apparent that this was not innocent at all.