India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

I think it’s a question that is relevant in a different cultural setting. I would never ever dream of wearing a small summer dress in certain countries, it would be rude. Our hotel had a sign up when we were in Zanzibar and it was about respect. I can tell you the girls in Morocco that were in tiny clothes got a lot of unwanted attention. If you go in a mosque one covers one’s hair, if you go in a church you remove your hat. One should respect local customs, not to do so can attract trouble. It doesn’t excuse this behaviour, but this is not Europe and it’s naive to behave as if it is.

It would seem the OP was dressed according to local expectations.

Given the entire country has a vile history of sexual violence against women really think you are completely bonkers to have gone out with a 12 year daughter alone. And as for your husband what a waste of space for not shoving the men off who wanted to be in photos. You sound really quite naive about the country and the type of men who are endemic there

Nope, not after having my tits grabbed and treated like a piece of meat.

That would be enough to put me off the whole experience.

I can't imagine saying 'Loved it' after that but each to their own.

That was exactly my take. Maybe she meant 2, not 12.

I said that. Why are you acting as if I didnt acknowledge that?

If you think London is anywhere near like India, the ME, north Africa in this respect I have a bridge to sell you.

This is horrific. I feel sick for you reading it it’s the first time a posts upset me on here.
I hope you managed to get over it the dirty bastards bless you 💐

My red haired friend in her 60’s said men were walking in front of her taking selfies. When I went, I queued to show my passport on entry and a British Indian man from my plane stepped in front of me, I said that I was first and he said ‘not here, you’re not’. We were advised to not leave the hotel on our own.
It’s a beautiful country but has a huge problem with male entitlement.

I find it really strange in threads like this that people latch onto... well nothing. If don't believe the OP, fine, don't bother feeding the troll as it were. But to sit there arguing post over post over if someone calls themselves mummy just utterly pointless and really dull.

OP, sorry that you've had some bad experiences. Friend of mine lived in India but loved it - but then he was a he. Always fancied going myself.

You "loved it"? Really? You're a bit strange to love a place where women are groped everywhere they go.
And no, this doesn't happen to women everywhere they go in the UK, you know that right?

I took thought she was going to be upset by the abject poverty.

I took the Rajasthan express train across country and a man kept trying to fall asleep in my lap. I didn't understand why the people I was staying with insisted on following me onto the actual train to make sure I got on.

The thing that makes me utterly sad is the poverty though. Can you imagine being a poor little person growing up here. Utterly desperate. So much worse than the harassment that tourists receive.

Thanks for your compassion.

Can you explain a bit more clearly the line you’re drawing between what happens there and what happens here?

And yet you haven't grasped that troll-hunting isn't allowed on threads and you should simply use the report button.
Well done in successfully derailing a thread discussing assault on women to make it about how clever you are, though.

These articles are absolute nonsense, as is the ridiculous comment from a previous poster that Indian women don’t go out without a chaperone. I’ve taken trains multiple times in India and carriages are not routinely segregated. There is a women’s carriage on some suburban and metro services, but otherwise nearly all carriages are mixed.

I’ve been going to India on my own for years, including Delhi, and not had anything like the OP’s experience but I am half Indian so that may have offered some protection.

Let's distinguish.

If someone asked this in the UK/EU&co/Canada/US/..., they are part of the problem. Countries where women are legally equal and have reasonably working law enforcement are meant to be safe.

Once you leave this cultural zone, the law and it's enforcement can differ and it is pointles handwaiwing to deny it.
It shouldn't matter, but in some regions it probably does, and it is good for people to be aware of the differences.

Yes, I enjoyed India, but as a woman we were definitely second class. Yes, I had people wanting to take photos with me. We were served food after all the men. My mum was ignored at a bar, when trying to get a drink ( we were at a wedding). I was called an arsehole by a man in the market because I wouldnt pay something like £50 for a top. Also where we stayed we had escorts around the place. They would let the men I the lift first, then the men in our group then us women. Dh was like no, they (me and another female) go in first.

Same in Turkey, man on bus stuck his hand up my dress as I got off a bus - disgusting old men

Happened to me loads I got told to say no to all selfies as they are usually updated to Facebook with a crude message claiming to be sleeping with you!
I also had bum pinched. Deli I wouldn’t go anywhere alone except with driver.

This stuff happened to me in Egypt. I was a teenager. It ruined the experience of the country I had wanted to visit since I was a little girl. It’s horrible to experience and I’m so sorry for you and your daughter.

I just posted that this happened to me in Egypt. I was a teenager and I had my arms, legs and shoulders covered at all times. It made no difference, I was treated the same as the OP. Please, don’t.

I had the same in Egypt, I was sexually assaulted by grabbing and groping

The holiday was incredible, seen things I had been dreaming of since I was a child and obsessed with the Egyptians, and the food was incredible, the scenary like nothing else.

So I loved the holiday, but some unpleasant things happened to me several times.

I wouldn’t even go there to escape from a war. Terrible for women’s rights. Didn’t you know this before?

Wouldn’t holiday in the rape capital of the world if you paid me. India should be boycotted. The poor women who have to live there.

Frequency and cultural acceptance and you know it.

There's unfortunately a reason for the whole bobs 'n vagine meme.

❤️ It's not just the general public, either. Officials are part of the problem too.

I lived in India for a couple of years about 20 years ago. When I was there, there was a rule in Bangalore that women, for their own safety, could only be arrested by female police officers at night 👮‍♀️ I don't remember the exact cutoff—maybe from 10pm onwards.

At airports, you could also ask for your luggage to be checked by female staff. After having too many male staff spend far too long looking through my underwear, I started requesting it 😤

A previous poster said that wearing a saree might have protected someone from sexual assault. Not at all. I actually received even more attention the few times I wore one 🙄