India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

Yes, UK gives aid to India even though India has its own space programme. So hard pressed British taxpayers are picking up the tab for the Indian government's warped priorities. The UK is such a mug sometimes.

Well, explain then, as I have been forced to explain myself. Does she speak Hindi and/ or the regional language of the state she worked in? Marathi, Kannada, Malayalam, Bengali, Tamil, Telugu, Gujarati.. any of these? Many Indians are trilingual.

Ok thanks. I do think this highlights a difference between India and here though. I would recommend London and UK to both those groups in first line.

What does it matter? Young Westerners aren't moving to India and working in numbers that will have any significant impact, or indeed any impact.
This isn't the case with outward migration from India.

Quite a segue from the OPs awful experience to debating migration.
But then all threads end up in migration these days. I will save that for another, less hot day.

I think you and I both agree really : India is not for beginners and certainly not for young women hoping to do internships. Over and out.

Quite a segue from the OPs awful experience to debating migration.
But then all threads end up in migration these days. I will save that for another, less hot day.

I think you and I both agree really : India is not for beginners and certainly not for young women hoping to do internships. Over and out.

Quite a segue from the OPs awful experience to debating migration.
But then all threads end up in migration these days. I will save that for another, less hot day.

I think you and I both agree really : India is not for beginners and certainly not for young women hoping to do internships. Over and out.

Quite a segue from the OPs awful experience to debating migration.
But then all threads end up in migration these days. I will save that for another, less hot day.

I think you and I both agree really : India is not for beginners and certainly not for young women hoping to do internships. Over and out.

Quite a segue from the OPs awful experience to debating migration.
But then all threads end up in migration these days. I will save that for another, less hot day.

I think you and I both agree really : India is not for beginners and certainly not for young women hoping to do internships. Over and out.

Quite a segue from the OPs awful experience to debating migration.
But then all threads end up in migration these days. I will save that for another, less hot day.

I think you and I both agree really : India is not for beginners and certainly not for young women hoping to do internships. Over and out.

It’s baffling isn’t it?

It’s baffling isn’t it?

Apologies. The site crashed/ hung for me and I ended up posting 4 times. Sorry!

Don't be ridiculous. Despite my frustrating experiences during my second Indian trip, I wouldn't have missed my first, to the Golden Triangle, for the world. It was amazing.

For the record, I think I've been to two dinner parties in my 70 years of life. I love to travel and I've been very fortunate to have many opportunities to do so. But I do it for my own reasons and not for relating to others

India isn't the ideal place for my kind of travel (solo independent backpacking) but I wouldn't put anyone off a small group organised tour to the Golden Triangle (or independent travel to places like Darjeeling and other Himalayan destinations) because they're pretty wonderful.

It’s a cultural thing from a horrible culture..

Hateful place

This place is certainly coming across as hateful, I agree. Full of vile posts about an entire population and country, which most of you have never even set foot in.

I'm not sure what you class as older, but to be honest age doesn't really come into it for avoiding attention especially if you're blonde and fair skinned.
I would recommend going as part of an organised group if you're thinking of going alone though. I did the Golden Triangle last year in a group tour, local guides and drivers kept us safe and although we saw the realities of Dehli and Northern areas we did it in an organised and safe way.

Yep this is India to a tee and I speak as someone with Indian heritage. The same happened to me many years ago and it is a normal occurrence for any female not just white western women.
I would even advise my own daughter not to travel there on her own that's how bad I feel it is. India has the largest amounts of reported rapes and I'm sure there are millions of case of unreported rape and abuse. And the government cannot get a handle on this. When the police and the government are so corrupt the some ministers and police are involved in the abuse what chance have women and girls got.
India is a very patriarchal society and some men feel that women's bodies belong to them and are objects for them to abuse and it has been this way for centuries.
Southern India, i.e. Kerala, Goa are very different and the men there do not have the same mindset, it is a lot safer, cleaner and beautiful.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through this but it really doesn't surprise me in the least.

It really isn't only blonde white women who have issues like this in India. They just get more attention.

See also this case - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4gxp7dpl5po

A doctor sleeping at the hospital after her shift raped and murdered.

It happens so much to Indian women but the world doesn't really care.

How do you know whether people have been to India or not?

The world can care, but what can the world do? There's always people arguing you should leave other countries alone.

Given your username, presumably you're someone who generally sees themself as not putting the feelings of men before the rights and safety of women and girls, so why have you come on a thread to call women discussing experiences of sexual assault in India hateful? Do you not care about the rights and safety of women and girls in India?

You were the one who first brought up Brits working in India, that was the segue.

I think op just wanted to tell us. I’ve never been, if I did we’d stay in top hotels etc but then I guess you don’t see everyday life there. It’s not just how women are treated that puts me off, it’s seeing such suffering and poverty. I know it’s there anyway, just not sure I want to pay to see it.