India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

What a strange thing to question. I know loads of mums who use phraseology like this, its not unusual at all.

India is well known for this. Sorry.

Same for me, but we were travelling in a multi generational group.

Nice bit of victim blaming there. 🙄

and this could happen in London too
Of course it fucking couldn’t. Don’t pander to the morons who will try to tell you it would. Not like this. I’m not English btw, or even British, so no skin in the game as it were, but I know where I, and my DDs are safer. About seven years ago we as a family, DH, DDs x2 and I had been in Singapore, Hong Kong and China for a fabulous extended period where DH was working. He got another job, to match up with our return dates, in Delhi. He said he could change our flights and hotels so me and the girls could visit India too before going back home. Haha. No. He went alone.

Why the fuck was your husband standing there awkwardly not knowing what to do?!!

What people SHOULD be able to do often sits uncomfortably with the reality.

I disagree, its well known that in other countries its disrespectful to wear particular attire.

Similar to the advice given about how to say 'go away' or 'I will call the police' in the language of the country you're in, its taken more seriously.

When you adapt to certain other norms it lowers the risk very slightly, not a lot, but slightly.

Agreed, what a wetwipe

Who, male or female, just stands by while someone they love is sexually assaulted in front of them?

Went to India and have absolutely none of those issues. Same in Morocco. I know it shouldn’t matter, but I was dressed conservatively with linen trousers and loose tunic type tops.
My 20 year old dd also had no issues.
I actually felt safer than in UK!

My parters kids still call their mother mummy and they and he refer to her that way. They're in their 30s.

Had a couple of people ask for photos as I’m very blonde but they were respectful

I was in the ME once and this is just how it is a lot of the time. Their women cover up mostly and sexuality feels like this taboo thing, so along comes a white woman with a bit of flesh showing and they go feral. I was in a taxi once and saw the guy constantly staring at me in his rear view mirror. I then realised he was wanking! When he saw that I’d seen him he wasn’t embarrassed at all, just kept doing it.

To the poster asking :what were you wearing: you are part of the the problem

Yep. Similar to my exp in Greece, but not as constant. Loved the food, sights, history, geography. One very scary experience with the creep from the new palace (I think it was called) in Corfu and a few grabby ones including grabbing my breast.

If you choose to go to countries where women are commonly treated with disrespect you should be aware of situations where you might be exposed to this kind of behaviour avoid them where possible. I must admit, when I saw the heading I assumed it was the poverty that disturbed you. A good opportunity to educate your daughter in the realities of the world.

My friend was almost snatched in Egypt aged 12 while her mum was haggling with a seller at the market. You genuinely couldn't pay me to travel to India, Pakistan or many middle eastern countries as a single woman. My friend went to Yemen through work as a v senior accountant for one of the major firms, and spent the week either being completely ignored or trying to avoid being cornered by strange men. Nobody believes women in these countries, there is no legal protection. What a horrible experience. I feel for the billions of poor women who have no choice but to live there. I'd actually take a lot of Afghan women to make up our refugee obligations, as long as part of the deal is that their misogynistic menfolk, complicit in their subjugation, can never join them.

Yeah, it happens to non Western looking women too.

I experienced the same in India. I was about 25 and with my boyfriend. Totally harassed from the moment I arrived till I left.
Fully dressed men would would lurk on beaches taking pictures, I was stared at incessantly. Men asking to take pictures. I've travelled all over the world and nowhere felt anywhere near as bad as India for harassment.

You see it on travel vlogs, so yes I believe it's real. What I find surprising is how you went out to a busy market, on your own with your daughter. Not very safe, even the female travel vloggers usually have a guide with them.

Not a country I would ever want to visit, which is a shame as its rich with history.

Exactly what I was going to say. My dh is southern European so does have a temper and would def not tolerate men coming close to me to take photos (unless I had asked for it). @LondonLass40 I would get the ick from your dh. I mean fucking hell I would have defended a friend screaming out loud.

Have never been to India and don't want to go there- I'm claustrophobic and can't stand crowds but it's mostly because it's known to be unsafe for women. Have been to Morocco and Tunisia without a problem with dh but also walking alone- I speak French and some Arabic which helps I suppose.

Things I’ve had happen to me in London:

Man walked past me on the escalator and told me ‘pink knickers are my favourite’ (he’d been looking up my skirt

Had my arse slapped really hard in passing by Hyde Park, by a complete stranger who then melted into the crowd

Had a man grope me in rush hour on the tube

I find the accounts of behaviour towards women in India disturbing, but let’s not pretend there aren’t major issues here too.