India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

This may be inappropriate to ask if you’re in the UK or similar, but visiting a country where the culture is very, very different, it’s a very relevant question. Still not OP’s fault, of course.

I've been very naive I didn't realise there was such a systemic issue in India ?

Agree, this is the best part of this thread. I wonder if one of the husbands would weigh in XD

Though I personally agree, it would be a major disappointment if my DH didn't rise to the challenge. It's kinda what he's for. One of his jobs at least.

It's rampant. One of the reasons I haven't visited yet although it looks amazing. I wonder if it would be safer once old and retired?

Yet we continue to import this culture into the UK

Where have you been hiding these years? 😅

#metoo. I had my breast grabbed by a guy once. I was about 15 and was walking down the road near my house in suburban Dublin. I also had my crotch grabbed when I was 18, waiting for a bus, again close to home. So it happens everywhere.
I'm 56 now and I still remember both events so clearly. They were quite traumatic and I consider them sexual assault. So it's no wonder you're upset about these recent incidents.
I think writing this down and talking about it will help process it.

Tbf there’s posts claiming this thread isn’t real or is a misrepresentation so it does get squashed as discussion.

My husband certainly would intervene; however, reviewing the responses to my comment, it appears I'm expecting above and beyond.

Shall I stand on the spot being ravished by uncivilised and unscrupulous men while my husband gawps at me?

My goodness!

My husband would have more sense that to suggest a holiday to a 3rd world country where women are treated as toys for backwards “men”

With regard to the OP's husband, I think this is the exact kind of thing our cultural training makes us NOT good at confronting.

We are not supposed to assume that foreigners have bad intentions in a way we wouldn't about people in our own country. We are supposed to be accepting of differernces in cultural practice.

So a nice British polite man in a strange country gets a bunch of men - not just one weirdo but numerous random people - who want to take a photo with his wife, and how can he think, they are all being pervs and want to grope her without allowing himself to think there is something wrong with the culture?

That kind of thought can go against everything he's been taught is ok to say or think, and even though he can see something is wrong, he is basically frozen as far as how to respond. Because normally in the UK men who get upset when other people talk to their wives are twats.

I have been to India for work in Chennai and I would not go anywhere without my male collegues. It's not like this in other parts of Asia like Singapore, Hong Kong, Taiwan, China, Japan and Korea. Those feels as safe as London a female traveller. You need to keep you wits about for sure. But India is a whole new level of unsafe.

I concur.

Much prefer a cleaner country.

It wasn’t ok for your husband to stay at the hotel and let you go out alone with your daughter. Unfortunately, women need to be accompanied by a man in many parts of India.

I'd love to travel around India but this is why I won't. My grandmother was born and grew up there, before her family moved back to England. So I'd like to visit from a family history perspective. You hear so many terrible things from western tourists, that I don't feel it's worth the risk. Especially as a lone female traveller.

I think crime is non existent in Singapore

Well, perhaps we need to become less forthcoming, especially to certain countries ...

Certain behaviours and values are eroding the country.

Singapore is incredibly safe. I've had the most wonderful experiences there.

Me too, I always imagine India stinks. Always looks like a shit hole in photos and tv

Obviously far-eastern cultures are very different, you can't lump all non-UK cultures into one pot!

Different culture and different views where women are concerned. My red headed young niece went there, and total strangers just kept coming up to her, touching her hair. 🤷‍♀️

It is so dirty. I went last winter so not a long time ago. It's for business too and we stayed in very nice parts. The infrastructure is so poor and there are rubbish everywhere. It just don't understand how it can be for a country that is supposedly quite rich. I'm comparing India to China and they have similar levels of income and inequalities isn't it? I don't know why China is so clean and safe in comparison.

Unfortunately it is very unpleasant to be a woman sightseeing on her own in some areas. According to local custom, you probably looked like a prostitute or at least a woman available in some way. Of course it's wrong, but you need some strategy for dealing with it if you go to those areas because there is no system in place to protect you.
It helps to have a man with you. When my friend (30s, plump, fair skinned and rather hairy) travelled around with her husband, men used to ask HIM 'where he got her' - that style of beauty was very much prized locally. But they didn't touch or speak to her.

No Indian woman would let a man take a picture with her, you are right there.
Would you let a British man take a pic with you?

At the same time, posters saying Indian women never go anywhere by themselves are just wrong. They do. I am not minimising the huge issue of sexual assault in India. But a number of posters are going rather overboard. Especially since Delhi here has been taken to mean all of India.

It's embarrassing on the husband's part.

The worst kind of unsavoury men flock to his wife, like flies to a dung pile, while touching her, causing distress to her and their daughter. Meanwhile, the husband is just standing there making himself defunct and useless. Luckily, the savages didn't set their sights elsewhere .....