India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

I obviously can't know who the assaulters were in Barcelona, but my own observations are that street crime there is largely carried out by Moroccan men.

I was pestered a couple of times, fortunately "just" verbally.

Likewise the car full of men who catcalled me in Munich, were not Germans.
Etc.

Yeah.
You don't go to such a place with the average, ineffectual British male.
The dh here seems to be a bit of a wally tbh.

No understanding of the culture.
No reading up on local customs.
Not smart enough to realise he ain't in Kansas, anymore.
(I mean the UK obviously just in case the reference is not seen. No criticism, some cultural references pass me by)

No use on a physical level.
Not rich enough to hire someone to protect his daughter.

I say daughter but I also mean wife because I don't want to be flamed by strident people telling me about strong independent women and the like.

This is so incredibly sad. I’m so sorry for OP’s experience and some of the stories on here are appalling. I’ve visited India twice in the last couple of years and loved it. No issues anywhere. I was never alone so perhaps was lucky, or the fact I’m in my fifties saved me? We did have our photo taken with wedding parties and families but all incredibly respectful and no-one actually touched us.

On our second visit we were in Jaipur over Holi. I wanted to go and join in on the street but a taxi driver and a hotel employee were both horrified and said it wouldn’t be safe. The hotel staged their own festival so we joined in with that. The kindness and gentleness we met everywhere was unmatched.

I guess I’m saying don’t write off a whole country before you have been. If you’re at all worried, any decent hotel will arrange a driver/escort to take you wherever you want to go and it is very cheap.

I echo your thoughts.

If my husband ever suggested we visit India (which he never would), we would have security or an escort. Either this, or he morphs into the Incredible Hulk should danger arise.

Pretty sure it’s young women that bear the brunt of it.

Geisha are not prostitutes.

Well, men can get exited very easily, and women often wear revealing clothes. We see this on UK beaches every summer.

I guess I’m saying don’t write off a whole country before you have been.

Did you even read the whole thread? Brimming with experiences of sexual violation and worse, that happened in India!!

There is nothing 'incredibly sad' about warning other women not to go to India.

Wow ! Just a reminder ...it's 2026 NOT 1826 !

Quite right, if you are rich enough you can protect yourself from assault.

Eugh

😂 😂

I think its unfair for those having a go at OPs partner. Most women immediately froze when these things happened, partly instinct partly common sense because fighting back will lead to more violence. Yet when a man freezes in the same situation he is being a coward and not a proper man. Would you seriously expect a single man to take on a group of men who are acting threatening? Surely any sensible person who try to leave immediately not stand and ask for a fight. I'm sure OPs partner was very upset by this too

@BlueFahrenheit thank you. It certainly wasn't great in the moment but it woke me for future. I've travelled a lot solo as an adult and I believe I've been far more aware/careful/assertive than perhaps I would have been before that trip.

It did take me a while to mature enough to realise there are whole countries I'd personally rather avoid (as I said, haven't been to those kind of places for pleasure since realisation hit) as it seems to me to be extremely cultural. Had so many chats at uni with other women who had travelled as kids and teens and saw being grabbed and photographed as just part of the experience that wasn't something you could dodge if you choose to go there.

Maybe the "average ineffectual British male" doesn't fancy going through the Indian legal system and getting banged up in an Indian prison if it all ends up going against him, or being set upon by a gang of locals.

That’s so sad. Did you ever talk to your Mum about what happened?

These parts of the world just never appealed to them. That's why. No need to overthink it or take it personally.

What do you expect when you visit a 3rd world backwards country like India?
its not like its a secret that its a bit dodgy

@MyCrushWithEyeliner no we don't have that kind of relationship. She'd get defensive of her actions rather than reflective of my feelings in the moment and likely gaslight my recollection of the situation. Not worth it. It was 20 years ago, nothing she can do about it now and I don't think bringing it up would be helpful or healing for either of us.

Are you for real? So it’s women’s fault for exciting the poor vulnerable men with their revealing clothing? Behave

I’m really sorry you went through that @LondonLass40 Being sexually assaulted while travelling is awful, and having to explain it to your daughter afterwards is something no mum should have to deal with. My DD is 5 and she’s already starting to notice things that don’t feel fair for girls, so your post really hit home.

The truth is that misogyny harms women and girls everywhere. Every country has its own issues and its own part to play in how women are treated. But there are places where the laws, the social rules, and the way girls and women are viewed make life much less safe for us. When a country’s systems treat women as “less than”, it creates an environment where violence against women is more common and more accepted.

I’m not shocked you experienced this in India. I know of stories of other women, and myself, who’ve travelled to certain countries and felt constantly on edge because the gender dynamics were so different and so visible. And yes, misogyny absolutely exists in the UK too, we all know that, but the rights and protections we have here do make a difference to our everyday safety.

What I find interesting is that people will openly acknowledge that some countries have serious problems with how women are treated, but the moment immigration is mentioned, the whole conversation becomes uncomfortable. Suddenly it’s not allowed to say that harmful attitudes can travel with people. That doesn’t mean UK men are safe, they’re not, and we all know that. But it does mean that growing up in a place where women have fewer rights shapes how people see women. Pretending that doesn’t matter doesn’t help anyone.

None of this is about blaming individuals, it’s about being honest about the world we live in and the risks women face. It’s about keeping ourselves and our daughters safe.

OP, I’m really sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve it, and your daughter didn’t deserve to see it.

That’s exactly what I was thinking. A really odd phrase from a 12 year old.

😂😂😂😂😂

I thought this too, I assumed the kid was about 4 when I read this sentence.

Not quite sure why people are bringing up Hong Kong or Singapore? some of the safest places in the world, day or night.

The harassment I get in London is not from British men, but rather from men of other certain cultures. So, yes, the problem is men. But much more likely men from cultures who don't respect women.