India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

You’re not alone. It’s not acceptable. It’s really confronting.

No OP, this doesnt happen like this in London too and you know it

When was the last time you were taking pictures/selfies in London and various men, several men kept coming up and putting their arms around you?

Assaults happen in this country, of course they do. Not like some other countries, India is one of them, ME countries and north African countries are known for it too. Happened to me when I was in Egypt.

Your 12yo daughter was asking why a man touched mummy?

what were you wearing? A sari is supposed to help.

Not that it should matter of course. But it probably does.

You know full well that local women have had a horrific time of it with sexual assaults.

When my friend went to Egypt a man masturbated over her at a public beach. When I went a man stroked my breast in the lift, he was an employee of the hotel. In countries where women have less rights than men they really show who they are. I’m sorry you experienced this

I escaped gang rape by the skin of my teeth in India. I was literally gibbering in fear. Also had the boob grab but they was nothing compared with the first incident. Would never ever go back and told my young adult DDs not to go either it’s just not safe.

That sounds awful. I’ve been to India several times and to different places, but was with work rather than as a tourist and always with a group of (mainly male) colleagues. Never experienced anything like what you have described in India, but did experience having my breast grabbed and squeezed hard while walking down a busy street alone in Barcelona. Isn’t is shit being a woman sometimes?

I had similar experiences in Japan, it was shocking. I am sure it was because I was a western woman.

There's a reason a lot of Indian women won't go out without a chaperone.

India has one of the worst systemic rape cultures of any country in the world. I would not visit if you paid me.

Exactly.

this is why I wouldn’t go to India.

My friend was raped in India. I went once, with my husband on a tightly controlled private tour, so we were paying top dollar and never in crowds. It was beautiful and I’m glad I went, but I wouldn’t go back under different circumstances.

I was not wearing sari , as it was summer, I was wearing casual maxi dress and arms covered . Definitely not flashy .

Urgh, Morocco and Tunisia were like this too. Horrible horrible men.

I wondered if 12 was a typo and the child is much younger

OP, this sounds awful. Why did your husband stand there awkwardly and not tell the men to get back

I have had mixed experiences in India over the years, but I do just want to say this really is not how London is.

Also, how can you say you loved it and came back feeling violated?

Bit of an oxymoron.

If this is a genuine post, what exactly is the AIBU part?

This was my experience of India too. Along with the non-reaction to your shouting at them.
Even when I was in Thailand, in a very tourist centric hotel and sunbathing by the pool I opened my eyes to see an Indian man standing there, filming me. Not even trying to hide what he was doing.

It’s not really comparable going with work with a group of men. You seem to be insinuating that “could happen anywhere”. I disagree and think India is particularly bad. Dd and a female friend travelled independently around Central America and didn’t have one bad incident.

people really under estimate the cultural differences in these places. Apart from the assaults on you, and the total lack of concern from anyone, the poverty and human rights abuses are unreal.

Don’t go to such places,