AIBU to refuse my daughter a debit card for school trips?

[Pinkflamingo98]

Daughter has 3 school trips next week, she apparently got told that the places she will be going are card only and has asked if she can take one of our debit cards. Both me and her dad are very reluctant to do so, we have said we will give her a decent packed lunch with some goodies and a few “nice drinks” but she is dead set on wanting our card. Are we being unreasonable for sticking to saying no and not sending her with any money?
we can’t get her a card as it is far too late for us to be able to set her up one

This is what we did when the DCs went abroad to avoid getting hammered on exchange rate fees.

They’ve otherwise had a bank account with a debit card since 11 and they have this on the phone wallet too. If they over spend, it’s then their problem!

You might be able to get a money card from the PO? You do have to validate it but that way you would have a limit on the card. I think your bank would take a dim view of you giving her your card anyway?

Eh? Many places don't take cash any more.

Once a child is at secondary school and they're going places without a parent, they need their own debit card. There are many providers who offer these from this age although it might be a struggle to get one that can be added to a phone if the OPs DD is below an age limit.

But it would be ridiculous to make this someone else's problem, by asking friends to use their cards. Don't be that person.

And you’re not concerned that it’s a violation of the terms and conditions of every bank and you’d be totally unprotected if someone stole it and used it?

I have discovered multiple advantages to having a second current account with limited money in it; this would sound like another one. If you had a second debit card of your own without much in the account you could give it to her without having to take all your money out first, and be able to keep your main card for your own use. This also doesn't commit you to giving her her own account with all the potential future complications of that.

I can’t personally think of any where there have been no cash payments but okay fine. Yes I totally agree that a teen should have a card. You can get a prepaid card and the parents should do this. What I think is idiotic is handing over a parent’s card which is in violation of the terms and conditions of the bank and means that there is no comeback if someone steals the card and uses it. Teens aren’t the most reliable either so she might drop it in the toilets or something and then a) no theft protection and b) OP would be without a card and would have to go through the hassle of getting a new one. Compared to a girl feeling mildly left out because she can’t get an ice cream, I think that is significantly worse.

I can’t personally think of any where there have been no cash payments

I agree. I think one location would be believable but the fact she is claiming all 3 trips locations are cash free and the school have not made any of the parents aware sounds suspicious.

Has OP even come back after her OP? So many have asked for the child’s age, which is relevant.

If high school age, surely she should have her own card? It’s easy to set up a Monzo card and it’s pretty quick. I think I got my first back card when I started high school (back in the day where cash was mainly used in shops).

I have a disabled daughter and recently had to set her up a bank account and card for her to use whilst out with her SEN placement because most places don’t take cash. It’s been hard work as she lacks capacity. But I think the average child over 12 could easily use a debit card?

No. Give her cash. Let her learn to budget with a set amount.

Don't think the bank would be happy for you to give another person your debit card.

We go to a few places that are now cashless, one of those places being Longleat. I think a lot of similar places are now card only. So if she’s going to an attraction and needs to buy a drink or something from a gift shop she may need to pay by card?

It’s card only venues.

Very much not unreasonable, in fact extremely sensible.
You could get one specially for her and have the amount in you think reasonable. Best to go directly to the bank and make sure that there cannot be any monies taken out that is not in there.

Really? My teens (13 and 16) don't have one and they have never asked for one.

Nonsense. Just give the trip leaders money and they can buy things for her on their cards. Definitely do not give her your debit card.

Why do you need to risk giving her your card? Just get her a Monzo account.

I’m amazed that a 7 year old has a debit card tbh! Actual hard cash given as pocket money is a perfect way of children understanding the value of money. All learning should start with concrete resources to embed knowledge.

Exactly! It’s not necessary but it is mumsnet!

You’re clearly not a cool parent then… they should have a smart phone at 5, bank cards at 6, pension at 7, mortgage at 8 and be using bitcoin at 10.

How old? Mine have all had their own debit card from about 10 years old (Revolut is quick to set up).

Forget about parental responsibility. Children do, on occasion, stupid things and it’s our role as parents to eliminate risk where we can. I remember numerous friends not disabling in app purchases on their devices, handing them over to their DC and then complaining when their DC ran up a massive bill whilst playing games on their phones. There’s a risk of them being coerced into using the card or not checking the amount to be charged before tapping the card or phone which happened last summer to my friend son who was charged £50 instead of £5 which she couldn’t do anything about.

Because sometimes it’s nice to be nice to your children?

Blimey, the MN mods are on form today - my post was ‘hidden’ as soon as I pressed post! Why MN?

The OP has presumably already been nice in paying out for her child to attend 3 schools trips.

Sometimes they do that if you mention specific terms - it has happened to me on posts mentioning that sort of money which doesn't exist except in virtual form and is popular with scammers, starts with c, ends in -ryptocurrency. or B, ending in -itcoin. Because most of the posts using those terms are scammers.

And she can give her a card with £30 on it.

OP, you could set up a Monzo account and let her use that.