AIBU to refuse my daughter a debit card for school trips?

[Pinkflamingo98]

Daughter has 3 school trips next week, she apparently got told that the places she will be going are card only and has asked if she can take one of our debit cards. Both me and her dad are very reluctant to do so, we have said we will give her a decent packed lunch with some goodies and a few “nice drinks” but she is dead set on wanting our card. Are we being unreasonable for sticking to saying no and not sending her with any money?
we can’t get her a card as it is far too late for us to be able to set her up one

I would give her one but leave limited money on it.

Hello OP. Over 12 hours since your first/single post, over 200 responses with questions and suggestions but nothing back from you.

Is there any point posters responding further?

Honestly I think it's weird that she doesn't already have one.

I'd sort a Monzo or Revolut for her, as they'll be very fast.

I certainly wouldn't want to be carrying my lunch or drinks around in this heat. No way would I be eating food that's been sweating in the summer heat for hours anyway. Practically, it's just easier and better to be able to grab lunch whilst out. And she'll understandably want to do whatever her friends are doing instead of being sat there with her sweaty picnic whilst they're having whatever they've bought fresh.

They do their due diligence more than you think. And yes they can ask for proof of movement

My chase card won’t go into overdraft. It just declines where there aren’t enough funds. I use it as my card for spending abroad as it’s fee free and notifies me everyone my card is used. I also use it for my train fares for work as I can separate that from my normal money.

If she is secondary school age, you need to open a children’s bank account for her. So many places don’t accept cash.

Secondary schools will let pupils wander around theme parks in small groups. Alternatively they might stop at a service station, want ice cream in the theatre or a token from the gift shop. The majority of my children's (21 and 18) secondary trips recommended sending along £10 spending money, which they always had change from.

In this weather especially, I wouldn't begrudge them an ice-cream or a cold drink!

Are all the people saying to just give her the debit card off your heads?

My debit card is for my current account - you know the one that my salary gets paid into and my mortgage and bills come out of. So those who are saying, empty it and just leave her a bit to spend - are you on glue? (To use a trusted MN term).

Why the hell would any sane person give a child a cars
that is linked to their bank account.

As others have said, see her up with Monzo or Revolut account.

Hi all thanks for the replies, very mixed responses but have given us a lot of options to talk over about.
firstly, she is 12. Now yes I know 12 is a bit old to not have her own card, however, she has given us a lot of reasons not to be trusted yet - these are personal and I will not share but we both stand our ground on this
secondly - she has never needed a card before which is a reason we haven’t set her up an account yet. She has always been given cash for anything she has needed etc. nothing has been made clear to the parents about it being card only, or children even needing extra money for that matter
thirdly - she would only be needing money for something like an extra drink but we are planning on sending her with a good lunch, drinks and giving her cash to spend at a corner shop before school for any extra sweets
don’t love being called weird or horrible by other parents because we won’t let her take our cards to London etc, we get enough of that from her already 😂 was only asking for how we can make it as nice as possible for her as I doubt all 300 other kids have been given cards by their parents.

@Pinkflamingo98 cash is increasingly out of fashion. I'm also a firm believer that if you want a child to learn to manage money you have to teach them and give them opportunity to manage their own money. Go Henry or similar are great because you can put a daily or weekly limit, you can have an app on your phone to track spending and you can look at it with the child to help them see how they spent their money. It helps them learn about a budget and the consequences of running out of money!

Also in my experience of school trips there's often a small shop to buy a little souvenir too.

Thank you, yes it is all theme parks etc and when we asked why she wanted our card it was to buy slushies etc. and knowing our daughter, it would be for her and her friends, she is at the age where she wants to impress her friends and so far she has demonstrated the way she thinks she can do that is by buying them a load of stuff and honestly wouldn’t shock me if we saw an extortionate amount come out

I think at 12 she should have her own card now, like a Go Henry, or a kids bank account. It’s a life skill. They can’t go overdrawn and you only need to have a small amount on it so if it does get lost it’s not the end of the world. You can monitor what’s been spent. You could put her pocket money on it.

With a kids Monzo account or equivalent it could be on her phone by tomorrow and you could put in the amount you plan to give her in cash. She can’t go overdrawn etc.

Give her some cash this time; she can ask her friends to pay on their cards and give them the cash etc.
But, she’s 12. You must stop infantilising her and sort out her own card. Yes, that might mean some ‘education’ around its use etc, but you can’t avoid it forever. If there are issues to address, address them.

Purchase a prepaid card for £15.

Above is probably a better idea as if anything happens financially you won't be protected in any way if you have given your card to her. Also don't you occasionally need to put the PIN in?

So many ways to manage this. How is she going to learn responsible spending?

Then give her a limited amount on a virtual card and tell her how to manage it for the week.

If she blows it all on a round of slushies on the first day then that is a valuable lesson in how not to budget. And she won’t have any left for the rest of the trip.

But she needs a card. It’s just too tough to send her off on a trip with friends and not give her the means to buy what they all will be buying. I’d worry that her friends would buy her stuff and leave you in an awkward position.

How is she going to earn your trust if you don’t let her try?

A card for say £10-20 on it and a strict rule that she is only to buy something for herself and not her friends if she breaks it then no more card.

I work in schools and I would be very surprised if a child didn’t turn up with their own bank card/phone wallet card especially on a school trip!

I would be giving my card to a child to take out for the day.
I realised the theme park DC was going to at the end of year 7 was card only. Luckily in time to order a card. We went with a nat west rooster because we could get it without charges.
I know of others that use monzo.

OP - she is more in touch than you. The majority of her peers will have their own bank card or one given to them by parents with tight restrictions on them. Thorpe Park definitely doesn’t do cash and hasn’t for several years.

Well most of the 300 probably will already have one. You should trust her on this one.maybe this will be the start of a change

This is the perfect opportunity to teach her responsibility around money. She needs to learn these things as we all did, but that will never happen if you keep treating her as a baby.

There are plenty of other options if you don’t want to give her your card, and you should let her know before she goes that this is a trust exercise.

You’re denying her the chance to develop the skills you know she doesn’t have though. If you keep denying her access to funds then how will she learn how to budget and use them sensibly?

A Monzo card with £20 available means she has to think about what she is spending, if it’s really worth while. It also more importantly in the current weather means she can get an extra drink if needed!

You’ve no intention of giving the card, because of undisclosed reasons that you’re not going to disclose, not sure why you asked?

Pointless post!