AIBU to refuse my daughter a debit card for school trips?

[Pinkflamingo98]

Daughter has 3 school trips next week, she apparently got told that the places she will be going are card only and has asked if she can take one of our debit cards. Both me and her dad are very reluctant to do so, we have said we will give her a decent packed lunch with some goodies and a few “nice drinks” but she is dead set on wanting our card. Are we being unreasonable for sticking to saying no and not sending her with any money?
we can’t get her a card as it is far too late for us to be able to set her up one

A lot of theme parks are cashless which can cause some adults issues too.

Also I think those saying just let her get on with her packed lunch are not acknowledging the need to want to fit in. If everyone else is buying burgers and chips then she is going to feel excluded. Likewise if they go to the gift shop then she will only be able to look. Maybe a kind friend would intervene but that is unfair to expect them to do what the parent should have done.

Well to be fair, most people. I always used my parents cards as a teenager if we were on holiday for example and I wanted an ice cream or I was sent in order food in a cafe 🤷‍♀️

How old is she and where is she going?

Ahhh, that’s exactly what I did mention! Who knew!

Gosh really? Im so surprised - how do they get buses and trains @TheBlueKoala? I guess it will give them a good sense of cash and what it means.

@Pinkflamingo98 I got my daughter a Go Henry from 11 as she was on buses and tubes and i was worried about cash being lost or worse being mugged. i guess it depends where you are.
I liked i could see what she was spending and where. Once she was 15 she had a Monzo that was more private. She has had monzo and starling all through uni and now working. She moves money from different accounts into savings, ISAs and a shares app. She is careful and budgets but has no desire for cash. Dont think ive ever known her get cash out of the bank.
she never had my debit card - always her own card, her own allowance or pocket money to manage.

I'm not convinced it's legal to give someone else your card is it?

I'm no fan of small print but I think there's a clause.

In this day and age, lots of places are card only. We need to teach our children how to responsibly spend money that they can’t necessarily see (via cards) and manage it through their online banking. I would turn this into a really educational experience for her, she will feel like you trust her and she may surprise you.

As others have said, Monzo allows children’s accounts that branch off the parents accounts and I recommend them. The kids get their own cards, online access and you can monitor their usage and spending through your own app. They can also open “pots” to save for things.

Both my children have had Monzo accounts and cards from around the age of 8 for pocket money etc initially they access the app through their iPads but now they have phones and are branching out into the world more independently at 11 and 15, I am so glad I introduced this part of life to them young as they’re really responsible with money now. Plus - it’s not something that’s taught in school, in any way shape or form.

Are you absolutely sure that all 3 venues are cashless?

Earlier this year one of my DC went on a school trip to a local venue, the letter from the school declared that the venue was cashless and that DC would need a debit card with them if they wanted to buy anything.

Thing is, I’ve got an annual pass to this venue, and I’d been there the day before DC came home with the letter, and I’d bought a few things at the venue with cash, so I knew the school were wrong when they claimed the venue was cashless in their letter.
I don’t know why the school said the venue was cashless, whether it’s because they didn’t want loads of child carrying cash around or whether they’d just made an assumption, but they were wrong. I sent DC with cash, and he bought some treats for himself with the cash.

If the venues your DD is going to are definitely cashless, then I’d agree with the PP’s who’ve suggested the prepaid cards from the Post Office. I think you can get those pretty much immediately if you go into a Post Office?

I wouldn’t give my DC’s my debit card for a school trip, it’s linked to my current account where all my direct debits come out of, and even if a child’s responsible enough to not overspend it could still get lost or stolen.

My daughter was caught out the first time she went somewhere cashless with friends. It wasn't a big deal - those who had cards paid, and those who didn't gave them cash. So if you can't get things sorted in time, perhaps she can work things out with a friend who has a card.

I‘m able to risk assess what contracts and terms I may breach.

Thank you Mumsnet! You lot are so helpful. I’ve just set my 12 year old up with his first card on Revolut. It has always bugged me that he can’t get a payment card with his Santander account. Job done, card in post for next week.
🙂

But you are leaving yourself vulnerable. If you give your card to a non account holder and there is fraud on the account the bank will not cover you as you are in breach of contract.

Can you not set her up with Revolut or something similar on her phone? Phones are better than cards on account of being more difficult to lose.

And then you put the money on it and she has a pre-agreed budget.

I trust my DH of 40 years and it’s joint money, so if he commits fraud it’s against himself.

6 pages of comments and OP still hasn’t returned to tell us the crucial bit of information - dc’s age.

This is such a significant missing piece of info.

If she's 5 yanbu. If she's 10 yabu, get a Go Henry for future trips.

Well your final sentence indicates she is indeed old enough to have one. In that case this is on you - parenting fail that you haven’t got her set up with a card and account as soon as she was eligible. Honestly in this day and age everyone needs one.

Apologies if it's a joint account it's fine I read talking about giving your card to an non account holder like a child. It's not about that person committing the fraud. If the child loses the card and it's then used fraudulently the bank would be within their rights to not reimburse any lost money. I see it at work a lot.

It’s difficult to give advise when we don’t know how old she is.

But mine has my card linked to their phone for emergencies and when they can’t use cash (you’ll need to tell her how much she’s allowed per day).

I have also given them my card as well as a bit of cash as it’s safer and most things are cashless now.

I have a savings account, so moved all of my wages into it and left them with a smaller amount in my bank account (just in case it did get stolen etc) and then I could still pay using my phone if needed.

Not if he loses the card or it gets skimmed in his possession. Then it’s actual fraud not covered by the bank because you let someone else have access.

How would they know this though?

If DD loses it in Alton Towers then OP can just claim she was there.

If she transfers most of her money out of it and then it’s stolen then she won’t have lost much money anyway and it would be no different to losing cash on the street which used to happen a lot.

I’d also give it you child and definitely did! A random stranger…no!

Again I’ll risk assess!

The bank would not know who lost the card, if it got lost?

Do they ask for proof of movements?

Presumably a joint account. But I wouldn’t actually give my debit card for a sole account to my DP unless a complete emergency- definitely not routinely.
I can’t believe that people seem to think the worst thing that can happen to a child is not being able to buy an ice cream. Smh.

As pp have said it’s not too late to get her one in her own name. My kids have had their own debit cards for years but when going on a trip abroad I got Monzo set up quickly on the phone. You can set limits etc, you get notifications as they spend and can view all the activity when you want.

They’d ask stuff about where you were and when you realised it was gone if you’re trying to claim money back from them. If you’re not trying to claim anything they won’t care. But fine if you’re happy to pretend you were at Longleat or whatever. Hopefully you won’t have used your phone version of the card 50 miles away at the same time.